<p>Some girls say, “I think of him as just a friend.” How can one avoid being just a “friend”, but instead be a boyfriend?</p>
<p>One ought to start with flowers.</p>
<p>Well sometimes you just need to put that idea into their head. Right now you’re in the friend zone, and you need to just stick a toe out of line. Boners work best. She’ll know what you mean.</p>
<p>If you’re friends with a girl, it’s too late…</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html[/url]”>http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html</a></p>
<p>hit the link, learn it, love it, live it.</p>
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</a></p>
<p>That is so old.</p>
<p>…too bad, though: it is false. Most of my female friends are now dating males with whom they were friends.</p>
<p>If you are a male trying to get a girl in clubs or in ordinary society, that link works. When it comes to college, especially top universities, odds are the girl is just as lame (if not lamer) than you are.</p>
<p>Ladder theory is actually an extremely important part of any discussion on male/female interaction. While dated, it (in my experience, and that of most of the people I observe around me) offers an adequate explanation for what you’re describing. Most guys I know that try to do the ‘friends first, then ask her out’ thing fail miserably. </p>
<p>As an aside, I’ve NEVER dated a girl that I was friends with first…because I don’t try to become friends with girls I want to date/become involved with. Guess why? It doesn’t work.</p>
<p>I’ve talked to a number of girls regarding ladder theory and most of them have agreed that that’s pretty much how it works. There are guys they’d be willing to have a relationship with (read: become physically involved with) and guys they only want as friends (let’s talk about stuff lololol!). Very seldomly have I seen guys successfully jump between these ‘ladders’. </p>
<p>To the OP, your best bet is to stop trying to start friendships and work your way up. Be confident, ask her out…get to know her in a situation where it’s explicitly about dating and not about being friends in the traditional sense. Otherwise I’m afraid you’re going to find yourself in the same situation over and over again, although there are exceptions.</p>
<p>From a girl’s perspective, I want a guy to be my friend before I would even consider dating him. That way I get to know him and what he is like before things go any farther. That’s just me though.</p>
<p>Are you serious?! Any girl that dates for money is a complete jack ass!! A girl should be able to make her own money. I don’t agree with the ladder.</p>
<p>There’s nothing saying a girl can’t make her own money, just that girls are attracted to money and power.</p>
<p>Of course the site is somewhat satirical, but all satire has some truth. </p>
<p>And the thing is, ladies, if you are dating someone you were “friends” with before, it just means you placed them on the “real” (relationship/hookup) ladder all along, and they were never really on the friends ladder to begin with.</p>
<p>i used to have this problem. make it obvious from the beginning that you want to be more than a friend using BODY LANGUAGE, or even tell her (as long as its smooth, and natural. not aukward). put your arm around her briefly while walking or on her lower back at opportune times, lean in close while you talk, lopen doors for her… whatever feels natural at the time… </p>
<p>if she doesnt like it, and doesnt let you get close to her, then its okay. at least you tried. to try and to realize she isnt interested in you like that is better than entering the friend zone from the beginning and never knowing if there could have been more!!</p>
<p>I’m of German descent so I am not one of these “body language” type guys. Even in speech class people criticized me for not using enough (most of those people were of Italian descent, and I know Italians are big on body language whereas Germans are usually very stiff).</p>
<p>I never date someone unless I’ve known her for at least two weeks. It’s sort of like taking the test drive when you get a car. I liked the Volvo so I bought one. Likewise, had I test driven, say, a Yugo, I might not have wanted that one. (Who would want a Yugo, anyway?)</p>
<p>Sorry if the example was sort of bad. But you get the idea. The “random hookup” or “blind date” has never appealed to me. The end result is that i get a ton of female friends yet not a designated girlfriend. However, in the long run, a lot of these girls have wound up with really jerky guys who they wind up dumping. Then I turn out to be the one whose shoulder they cry on and they wish they were all like me.</p>
<p>I might not be the most touchy-feely guy in the world–getting a hug or an arm around a shoulder is rare from me–but they know that I’m just an honest guy who can comfort them with words. And I don’t leave my comfort zone when this happens either. Interestingly, I can talk more easily to some of these girls than I can to most guys (there are only a few guys who I can honestly talk about something to yet I find I can open up easier for the girls).</p>
<p>One of my best buddies once said that one of those close female friends will probably eventually wind up as my wife, as he believes a good spouse is also a best friend.</p>
<p>Now for one other question–isn’t this board supposed to be about college? We should spin off a relationship question board here. Ever since I’ve joined it seems like over half the threads are about relationships of some sort.</p>
<p>Lets just say, girls cause just as much stress as academics.</p>
<p>“However, in the long run, a lot of these girls have wound up with really jerky guys who they wind up dumping. Then I turn out to be the one whose shoulder they cry on and they wish they were all like me.”</p>
<p>I mean I hear this too much, 1) how often does this really happen? and 2) IMO, thats a perfect time to let the girl know that you are the man for her.</p>
<p>you are an average frustrated chump (AFC) with no game.</p>
<p>I’ve found that dating a guy I’ve just met doesn’t last for more than a month…ever. </p>
<p>When I want to have a relationship with a guy (I’m over the whole dating around thing, so yeah), I want to get to know him as a friend first so our foundation is more than just, “Hey, you’re hot.”</p>
<p>The difference between a guy just being a friend or a boyfriend usually lies in that I’m not romantically attracted to him for one or more reasons (as in personality clashes, lifestyle differences, different views on life/beliefs/goals/careers/family, etc). You can’t force or change that kind of thing…some people just aren’t compatible.</p>
<p>I belive ladder theory works in college and high school (short-term relationships), but when you go on, looking for long-term relationships, ladder theory doesn’t seem to hold true.</p>
<p>For me, I have to get to know the guy before I’ll consider anything, which means that he has to become my friend first. But at the same time, (for me at least) there is a difference between ‘just a friend’ (who you actually discuss your problems with, ask for advice regarding relationships, etc.) and a ‘potentially more friend’ (when you talk to each other, it’s more flirting than serious, ex. you are constantly teasing each other, etc.) And that all comes down to whether you are attracted to them… For example, the only guys who are really on my friends list are the guys who I just am not attracted to.</p>
<p>Eh…I agree with grim. There are definitely guys that I’m only friends with because I was interested in them possibly being more than friends at first. But still, most of the guys I’ve been interested in at first have landed on my “just friends” list after getting to know them better.</p>
<p>Friend vs. boyfriend?</p>
<p>No sex vs. sex.
Not as intimate vs. more intimate.</p>
<p>Why are you asking a question with such an obvious answer?</p>
<p>Yes, grim has a point. I think the guy should know where he stands in the friendship. You shouldn’t try to be more than friends if you can tell that she doens’t like you that way. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t really want to be with you right? I guess it all depends on the situation. I think alot of girls, myself included, wants to be friends with a guy first before going into a “serious” relationship.</p>