<p>Ladder theory is actually an extremely important part of any discussion on male/female interaction. While dated, it (in my experience, and that of most of the people I observe around me) offers an adequate explanation for what you’re describing. Most guys I know that try to do the ‘friends first, then ask her out’ thing fail miserably. </p>
<p>As an aside, I’ve NEVER dated a girl that I was friends with first…because I don’t try to become friends with girls I want to date/become involved with. Guess why? It doesn’t work.</p>
<p>I’ve talked to a number of girls regarding ladder theory and most of them have agreed that that’s pretty much how it works. There are guys they’d be willing to have a relationship with (read: become physically involved with) and guys they only want as friends (let’s talk about stuff lololol!). Very seldomly have I seen guys successfully jump between these ‘ladders’. </p>
<p>To the OP, your best bet is to stop trying to start friendships and work your way up. Be confident, ask her out…get to know her in a situation where it’s explicitly about dating and not about being friends in the traditional sense. Otherwise I’m afraid you’re going to find yourself in the same situation over and over again, although there are exceptions.</p>