<p>Funny… in my house, that overnight mess is made by the dad and not by any of the 4 early-20-somethings that live here lol. </p>
<p>My situation is complicated. My fiance, friends, and I rent out my parents’ house… they come down sometimes and have a room in the basement so while it is “their” house, “we” are paying tenants. They still have no problem pointing out to me when something isn’t being properly cleaned or taken care of- which is fine, it’s mostly their stuff. I don’t really mind it and I’d feel terrible if I did something like burn a tablecloth. </p>
<p>I’d be very annoyed though if my mom “reminded” me to study. I’ve managed to get through 4 years of college and into grad school without any nagging… I think I have it under control ;)</p>
<p>They become adults when they are paying all their own bills</p>
<p>I am sure my mom would still scold me if I were doing something obnoxious in her home, I suppose the difference is that now I wouldn’t! Generally speaking we are treated like guests when we visit… mom doesn’t necessarily expect us to pick up our plates and things like she used to when I lived there, but we do anyway probably more reliably than I did when I lived there. If I did something truly obnoxious, though, I am sure she would still yell at me and always will. </p>
<p>Being treated like a guest in the house is sort of weird. In some ways I appreciate it because we ARE guests… I am starting to forget where certain things are kept and it’s been so long since I lived there that it feels a bit odd to start digging through drawers. There are a lot of things they don’t do the way they used to anymore and things aren’t kept in the same places. I kind of like that we are half in and half out… I do a little more than the average guest but I get a little latitude, too. It’s a nice middle ground.</p>
<p>For the record, if I still lived at home even just part time, I’d be scolded about studying-- and I’ve never needed that scolding, and I paid for my own schooling, but I would have been scolded anyway. And I think my mom might have smacked me for playing with the candle regardless of whether I lived at home!</p>
<p>I try to speak to my adult children as I would a friend. And I (try to) expect the same mutual give and take and consideration I would get from a friend. This has helped me from being too noisy re their life details if they haven’t brought up a subject. They live with roommates/housemates. I know they are use to others criticizing them for dirty dishes, messes, so I try to do it in the same way. I don’t feel completely successful, but I keep trying.</p>
<p>I would never scold a friend, so I don’t do that - to my knowledge.</p>
<p>I was with D2 this weekend, and bit my tongue a couple of times on the homework topic (she listed some stuff she planned to do when I picked her up from campus, and I know she didn’t do it…). So making some progress – at least, that is progress for me!</p>