That’s exactly what happened to me. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
You are to be commended on your level headedness and maturity! Your thinking and approach is much more realistic.
Your credentials are great and you should be in a position to receive merit aid from many schools. The primary question though is how much merit aid and will it be from schools that match the education and experience you wish to receive?
There are posters here who have tons of knowledge and experience with schools that award big merit aid. Schools like Alabama and Temple and the schools that are represented in “The Colleges that change lives”.
If you are strategic in your application process you will have a lot of viable options. Your SAT score is great, the higher your standardized test scores the greater the likelihood of larger merit awards. Taking it one more time to attempt to score higher has no downside for you, and could mean many thousands of dollars in additional merit money.
An important realization is that many schools will award merit aid but is the amount enough to bring the cost of attendance down in to the range that a family can afford.
It is also important to realize that the higher a school is ranked the harder it is to receive significant merit awards.
You are going to have great options if you go about things strategically.
A couple of years ago our family was very involved in the pursuit of merit aid. I will make mention of some schools that were generous.
Hobart&William Smith
American University
George Washington University
Lafayette College
SUNY schools are also very good values for out of state students.
Don’t hesitate to ask questions here, that is the primary purpose of this site.
You come across as a solid kid, Best Wishes to you!
@mamaedefamilia That’s so cool! I’ll have to check it out.Thank you for the suggestion!
@digmedia The situation you’ve described is exactly what I want to avoid. I haven’t thought about taking out loans, but thank you for your insight.
@GreatKid Thank you! I definitely have CC to thank for the way I’m approaching the financial aspect of my college search. I’d rather not be at a huge school, so CTCL schools are probably a better fit for me than schools like Alabama or Temple. Thank you for your suggestions! I’m looking into American already, and I’ll take a look at the others as well.
Update:
I don’t think Muhlenberg would work. From what I saw, they only offer up to 18k/yr in merit aid, and that wouldn’t bring the cost of attendance to ~26k/yr. Maybe I’m missing something?
I’ve looked into Bryn Mawr recently. They offer up to 30k/yr in merit; It’d be absurd to assume that I’d get 30k, but if a miracle occurred the COA would be ~31k/yr. Not ideal, but it’s certainly not upwards of 60k. I ran this idea by my parents because they’d talked about heading to Drexel for my brother (we’re twins!) and they’re tentatively on board, though in their mind it being a women’s college is a negative. Does anyone have experience with merit aid there?
I am shocked that parents having to pay for TWINS to attend college are not shopping for the financial safeties??! I commend you for your mature insight, and encourage you to continue in that line of thinking.
You might want to tone down the comments you make to your parents at this stage of the search, and allow them to have their “dream time” with this college search. When it comes time to choose which schools to apply to, you can give them reasons why you don’t like an expensive school without saying you just don’t like the cost.
I do like the suggestion of letting them pick one school for you to apply to, I think that goes a long way in satisfying their desires. Parents are funny creatures, we want the very best for our kids, even though sometimes our view of what is “best” doesn’t match our kids’ desires.
@powercropper I think they feel alright knowing that they can afford for the two of us to go to Rutgers, while I’d like to give myself a few more options, so they aren’t feeling the pressure that I am to look for lots of affordable schools. Technically, they have found a safety option, and they’re not prestige obsessed, so that’s not an issue.
The whole family knows that no one is paying 60k/yr. I probably just haven’t realized that they’re going through their “dream time” of the college search, and are enjoying looking at all the beautiful schools they see us at. I experienced all of that at towards the end of last year, and sometimes I forgot that the whole college search process started later for them than it did for me.
Thank you for all the advice! I should definitely dial back the comments, at least for now. No use fighting over this when I won’t have admissions results in hand for at least another year.
" Parents are funny creatures, we want the very best for our kids, even though sometimes our view of what is “best” doesn’t match our kids’ desires. " - The very best does not mean the most expensive and it does not mean the highest ranked and it does not mean the best known either. The very best means the place that matches your kid the best, all aspects of kid’s life, academic and non-academic, including the kids’ personality, goals, wide range of interests and goals.
That is the old number for Muhlenberg. I would check it again, I believe it has been raised to 30K.
to the OP, you are being quite mature and level-headed in your approach, though I do sympathize with your parents’ “we’ll find a way to make it work” approach, especially if the two of you are their eldest and this is their first time through the college application process with their children.
I would suggest asking them to pull their '14 federal tax form and have them sit down and run the NPC at some of the schools they consider worth “exploring.” That process will at least help them get their head around how financial aid is calculated at a few, hopefully typical, schools. As a parent on my second kid’s college search, the rose-colored glasses were off, and we knew we would not be eligible for aid even though we know we can’t write $60,000 checks, despite having substantial college savings.
My son’s search, therefore, revolved around merit aid. That meant, NESCACs (Amherst, Williams, Tufts, Bates, Conn) all came off the list. Franklin & Marshall also came off the list, as it does not offer merit aid. We researched schools, using their own tuition and aid webpages and their Common Data Set, where there is a line for non-need based awards (since he was only looking D3 schools, by definition, there were no athletic awards). The more competitive schools for admissions, which did not offer merit at all, or which would be reaches based on competitiveness of admission alone, came off the list. His final list had about 5-6 Early Action schools which each award substantial (in our mind) merit aid. He was accepted to all of them by December, with merit awards basically around 1/2 of their tuition, bringing our cost down to the range of around $35k a year, which was where we needed it to be.
For a student with strong LGBT support, with a possible interest in sociology, there are plenty of good LACs in the midwest, if you and your family are comfortable looking beyond the Mid-Atlantic. College of Wooster, Earlham, Knox, Kalamazoo, Lawrence, Beloit, all offer substantial merit aid to the high-achieving student, and we were every impressed with those schools – plus, many of them have somewhat lower tuition than east coast schools (ranging from $42k to $48k a year, with room and board often running closer to $10k a year than the more typical $12k+ a year at some schools). Centre College in Danville KY has tuition below $40k, and gives good merit aid. Dickinson and St Lawrence (technically New York but close to the Canadian border, so hardly Mid-Atlantic), also give substantial merit aid but their tuition and room and board bring a sticker price close to or over $60k.
My own view is that the first priority is to identify the key characteristics of a student’s preferences – large, small, research, LAC, urban, rural, dominant Greek life, etc. Then find the safeties, the sure things. We can all dream about what it would mean to get into Princeton or Haverford, but it is far more pressing to find the sure thing, which is affordable, where a student would be happy to go.
You asked about Bryn Mawr – I am an alum and it is a fantastic academic environment, both on its own and with academic cooperation at Haverford, and I understand it does give good merit aid though I defer to others with more specific knowledge about current practices. If you want to stay in the Mid-Atlantic region, it is a strong contender.
Do not dismiss large schools. You do not need to get to know most of the students. Large schools are a set of many smaller groups or neighborhoods. You get to know those in your dorm, mainly those on your dorm floor or some you end up eating with at the same time. You meet people with the same interests who end up taking the same classes in your major. You are with those who share interests in your activities. The rest of the student body doesn’t matter. You get to know the part of campus that holds your classes. You do not need to explore the engineering or agriculture ends of campus. Sometimes large schools can be better for finding like minded people because there will be enough to form groups despite being a small percentage of students. Many different facets to schools.
@Midwestmomofboys Thank you! We are the first going through the college process, yeah.
We’ve already run the NPCs (well, they did because I couldn’t answer the questions,) and as suspected we will not qualify for need-based aid, even at schools that meet 100% need. It looks like your son was in a situation similar to my current one, and it looks like things worked out well for him. That’s really reassuring, honestly.
I’ve heard a little bit about some of those midwest LACs but haven’t thoroughly checked them out. I was considering touring Grinnell, Oberlin, and Kenyon in April (I acknowledge that merit aid at any of these schools is a fairly high reach, but a kid can dream,) so maybe I’ll add a few of the aforementioned schools to the list, assuming it makes sense geographically.
I’ve looked at Dickinson, but I think the max merit award is 20k/yr, which won’t be enough.
I’m glad I wasn’t totally off about Bryn Mawr. I’ve been trying to get a feel for what it takes to earn some merit aid there, but the Bryn Mawr forum here on CC hasn’t been much help. (Not anyone’s fault, of course, just not too any stats being posted.)
@beenthereanddone I can’t find anything on the website that says 30k, but I hope you’re right! 
@merething – I thought Dickinson awarded more than $20k, based on our conversations with coach, but they do all blend together and I cannot recall for sure.
Oberlin, Kenyon and Grinnell do award merit aid, but use it more selectively to pull in the specific students they want, so it is very unpredictable. High stats matter, but so does specific talents, demographics etc.
Denison awards up to $24k a year to kids who are strong applicants but haven’t necessarily cured cancer, solved the Middle East crisis etc. Denison has only have ED and Regular, no EA, so does not have the advantage of a Nov/Dec acceptance knowing what your merit aid is.
If you look at Oberlin and Kenyon (wildly different campus feels, we’ve been to both, plus Grinnell, with both my kids, multiple times), definitely look at Wooster, which is on the way between Oberlin and Kenyon. Wooster is one of our surprise favorites, a lovely campus, great facilities, with terrific merit aid. An hour (or more?) from Cleveland, so not as deeply midwest as the Lawrences, Beloits, Knox etc.
For a family which really needs merit, the challenge is accepting that, the college name might not resonate with the same “umph” as east coast families are accustomed to pursuing (I’m from the east coast originally . . . .). But there are terrific schools out there which will use merit to build a strong freshman class, so my advice is, look beyond the PA/NJ/NY region. Good luck, and hang in there.
“My son’s search, therefore, revolved around merit aid.” - This is the best way. The adcoms know what kind of students will be successful at their place so they award Merits aid accordingly. My D’s Merit scholarships varied wildly, from just $3k / year at one UG thru full tuition at another, at very comparable places. Following the money will lead you to the place that matches you the best. It even happened to my D. when she was choosing her private HS. So, we were prepared to use the same philosophy choosing college.
@surething I am sure it is 30K. Email or call admissions and ask your admissions representative. I believe they were also just mentioned as being one of the top schools in the country in terms of value by The Princeton Review. Best of luck to you in your search!
If you can’t get your parents to say definitively, “Yes,we’ll pay for Expensive Non-Merit Prestigious University if you get in,” then you should probably make your list heavy on schools where merit aid is a real possibility. Maybe apply to one or two prestigious Us, but focus your search on schools where you have a real shot at some serious merit money. Your safety schools should be financial safeties, too.
@Midwestmomofboys I’m not holding my breath for merit from Grinnell/Oberlin/Kenyon. It’s definitely unlikely. I’m surprised that Kenyon and Oberlin felt so different, but I defer to you on that one because I haven’t visited yet. I’ll look into Wooster! It sounds great! For what it’s worth, “not as deeply Midwest” will probably be an easier sell for my parents when it comes to visiting and such.
Honestly, I’m trying to accept the whole “name brand recognition” thing myself. I know rationally that it doesn’t really matter as long as I have the opportunity to grow, learn, and be successful, but it can be difficult to hold onto that when I hear about where other people at my (relatively competitive) high school are applying. I imagine I won’t care much once the whole process is over. Thank you for all your advice!
@beenthereanddone Will do! Thank you!
Is there any chance the parents can actually afford prestigious U (and want to send student there) and are just wanting their kids to start with a practical approach, but will come through in the end? It seems it was assumed they don’t have it, but even people with lots of money want to investigate the options. At a minimum they don’t want to act like it is an open bank account for the taking in front of their kids.
@blueskies2day It’s possible that they’re not necessarily going to adhere to a strict 25k/yr if they consider the school worthwhile, but it’s my impression that anything above ~38k is out of the question, and anything between ~25k-38k has to be enticing enough to convince them to pay for it. That being said, they could change their mind and adhere to the 25k limit, or it’s possible that the schools they’re willing to stretch for aren’t ones where my stats will get me a sufficient amount of merit aid.
I’ve been explicitly told that we cannot afford to be full pay. Anything below that I can’t talk about definitively, and without offers in hand I’m not sure my parents can either. I feel like it’s best for me to take a more conservative approach in case they do decide on a strict limit, or something occurs that changes our financial circumstances.
FYI, the larger Kenyon scholarships are quite competitive. You are much more likely to be offered between 15-20K, which sounds like it isn’t enough. Mount Holyoke goes to $25K (my D2 was offered one of those a couple of years ago). Lawrence is cheaper to start with and gives larger merit.