The person I referred to above is extremely social, and works in sales, which she’s incredibly good at. At one point she even took a part-time job as a hostess in a restaurant because she enjoyed the social connection (she has a well paid tech job and doesn’t need the money). So meeting people is not the problem, though meeting interesting and available people may be. Having said that, she met someone great through work last year (“the most intelligent guy I’ve ever met” who worked for a VC firm, clearly wealthy and successful) who was interested in her, and she didn’t want to put any effort into developing the relationship (he was based in a different city).
I do think there’s social pressure, especially in major cities like SF/LA/NY/DC, not to settle down in your 20s, even (especially?) if your parents met in college and got married after that. A lot of my S’s friends are moving to NY for career and lifestyle reasons, but that seems like an even more challenging place to find someone than DC or LA.
I don’t know if it is social pressure in those locations but I’ll admit, even in my day, people in the Northeast married later. I got married at 36 and was not the last of my friend group to do so - most didn’t marry until 30 or later. We were all living/working in and around Boston or NYC and it wasn’t unusual to be single in your early 30s. That being said, it wasn’t a purposeful decision on my part. I was dating a guy I thought I might marry in my late 20s and it just didn’t work out. I met my now husband when I was 34 (at a bar - in fact I met 2 other long-term BFs at a bar).
This is true. I lived in NYC and married my husband at 27. Everyone thought we were nuts. Then we moved to Nashville and everyone couldn’t believe we didn’t have kids yet.
My son works for a company that still has activities. He participates in basketball, flag football (coed), and some sort of college football video game thing. He has a girlfriend, but it has been a way for him to get to know his coworkers better.
He is 26 and definitely feels like he’s too young to get married. He has received two save the date cards for two of his friends though.
He met his gf on an app. She is smart, kind, and pretty. They seem to get along great, enjoy doing things together and treat each other well. Of course there is a but….she was raised in a very strict culture and religion.
Her parents and siblings have no idea she does not practice the religion, or that she is dating anyone, much less someone not of her religion. They have been dating almost two years and she has not told anyone in her family about DS.
I just don’t see this ending well. I’ve mentioned it several times to him, but he doesn’t want to hear it…
We’re visiting both kids and GF/FDIL this weekend. I asked older S/FDIL about their friends’ SOs. They said most of their friends were still (4-5 years post graduation) with their college SOs. I know they’ve been to lots of wedding the last few years.
Younger S/GF also met in college. I think their friend group has a wide variety. Some are from HS still! (They are coming up on 2 years post college grad)
Older S works for a large financial company, and it seems that they often go to parties at coworkers’ houses. And I also know they do trivia nights and stuff like that. For awhile it was a running joke that whenever we would go out to eat, we’d run into someone they knew. That’s normal for our little city, but DC?!
Younger S just moved to the area, but he’s already joined a soccer league. Both he and GF already have a lot of friends in the area though as well.
This sounds very much like the conversation I described above:
A 2022 Pew survey of single adults showed only 34% of single women were looking for romance, compared with 54% of single men, down from 38% and 61% in 2019. Men were also more likely than women to say they were worried that nobody would want to date them.
A rise in earning power and a decline in the social stigma for being single has allowed more women to be choosy. “They would rather be alone than with a man who holds them back,” Cox said.
For young women especially, who tout their “boy sober” and off-the-market status on TikTok and other social media, the focus has shifted toward self-improvement, friendship and the ability to find happiness on their own.
I’m in. We are a very nice family. And we have a great son, just turned 40 who is kind, caring, a great cook, loves outdoor activities, very into the arts (he’s a freelance musician), and just plain a great person.
I keep saying that he will someday be the most eligible bachelor where he lives…never married, no previous wife or children, no debt except the mortgage on his townhouse.
He says the apps are just not great. We have met a bunch of his friends, and hope one of them has a friend if a friend for him to meet.
I don’t think eating alone is necessarily sad. I eat alone, and until recently my mid-30’s daughter ate alone and we have both been content. This article is using a meal alone as code for something more complex.
They are definitely not great. But they are something to do along with everything else. My sister is in her 50s and has had many boyfriends over the years who have not worked out for her. She is very social and has always done the non app things (clubs, classes, etc) and finally turned to the apps. She met a lot of duds, and a few great guys, and for the last year she has been with the best partner ever. Much more of a real match for her than anyone she met in other ways.
Of course I realize a woman in her 50s isn’t the same as the 20s 30s mentioned in the thread title or your son… I just wouldn’t write off apps completely even though they are extremely un-great.
Would he be interested in joining Appalachian Mountain Club? One of my good friends join the club when she was in her 30’s. She loves hiking, trekking, etc. She met a wonderful guy who shares her interest. They got married when she was in her 40’s.
She told me there are a lot of interesting single people in that club. Unfortunately, my only child/daughter (26) has no interest in outdoors stuff and is quite a home body! !!
Honestly, I have no expectations of son finding a significant other or ever marrying. But I do wish he had a social circle or just a couple of real friends. He’d be a good companion for the right woman - wouldn’t try to manage her. In fact, he would probably like someone to organize and run his life as long as he had enough solo time for his online activity (gaming and boards and such). I doubt he’d ever try online dating, although his cousin (in New York) met his wife online.
I don’t know if this thread gives me hope or makes me feel worse. D is 28, doesn’t do dating apps, works tons of hours, and knows no one in her new city. 3 days WFH doesn’t help; she likes being in the office. Starting careers when Covid hit doesn’t help this cohort, either.
I think about this a lot, as I was in my 20s in the 1990s and the landscape is very different now for people in their 20s.
At that time there were a lot of places that people made small talk to one another throughout the day: waiting at a bus stop or a lobby, at “the water cooler,” at community tables in cafés, in coffee shops, in bookstores, and parks. Waiting in line for something, anything.
Today people walk down the street with headphones on, and if you have a moment of waiting—be it in a lobby or waiting for a coffee, or standing in line or at a bus stop—we as a whole look at our phones and check our emails or read the news or forums, etc.
And young people in particular have headphones on as they walk between classes or down the street, and they are on their phones a lot. Any time in which there is a moment their attention is not engaged elsewhere, it’s time to check their phone to see what’s going on via that medium.
It’s hard to make friends or just start chatting with someone when doing so will be an interruption. So I empathize so deeply with young people who are feeling disconnected and unsure of how to connect with people. We are so connected, yet also vastly apart.
Me, neither. My D said she has no interest in having a romantic relationship. She prefers platonic relationships with her male friends to dating them. My friends told me not to worry and said that my D would change her mind once she meets someone who strikes her fancy.
I sure hope my friends are correct but I have a serious doubt. My D has several female relatives (aunts and cousins) who are single. She sees them content with their single lives. She appears to head that way. She is my only child. I wish she found a true life partner (does not matter if she is married to him).
