Well, if anyone with a DD in their 30’s who might be interested in a mid-30’s gainfully employed nice Jewish boy in Seattle, feel free to PM me! I can promise a very grateful MIL who has a house in San Diego with a pool. And he has a nice new Camry 
.
9 Likes
And…mine just moved from Seattle…
Anyone with a son in the Midwest? She’s a sports enthusiast, esp. football, basketball and golf, and extremely frugal. I actually just googled average age of first marriage in my state, and it’s 25 for women!
2 Likes
I’ve got a cute 24 yo daughter who’s a hydraulic civil engineer in California. Full disclosure, she’s quirky, but fun with a great sense of humor. Maybe a bit immature for her age, but has made huge strides! She a huge sports fan and makes the correct call and approach before the tv commentators. Likes the outdoors.
She just got her new job and she loves it so no relocating for her in the near future. Loves cats. Is very loyal to her friends.
Her landlord is smitten with her (they are both Chinese) and has plans to be a matchmaker for her. Says she knows a few doctors. I was telling my husband that wouldn’t be the worst thing by far!
6 Likes
I wonder if these high earning women looking for men would consider men who, by choice of profession, aren’t what would be considered high earners. I have a few acquaintances whose daughters are very focused on the size of the paycheck. I have a neighbor who was so disdainful of my son’s only working 20 hours a week so he could volunteer 20-30 hours a week in animal conservation right after college that I was embarrassed - for her. She then went on to tell me how her D and her boyfriend are making so much money.
7 Likes
I know very successful (monetarily) women married to men who are teachers, social workers, pastry chefs, own small businesses. I don’t think this is a gender thing- some people (men and women) are very focused on the paycheck. Others are focused on other things.
12 Likes
I agree with @blossom. I don’t necessarily think all young women are looking for men who are high earners. I do think that they want to avoid men who are “slackers” and really don’t want to work. Huge difference.
I haven’t seen this brought up here but I wonder how concerned young men are about physical appearance in a partner.
7 Likes
D doesn’t care an iota about her partner’s paycheck but she does want someone who is driven and passionate about what they are doing. The example above with the animal conservationist would totally work for her. She wants someone who is excited about how they spend their time! She’d be perfectly happy being the primary income winner.
That said, she does want someone who has the same outlook on finances. Again, not from an earnings perspective but from a money management perspective. She’s a saver/budgeter/live well under her means type. It would make her too nervous to be with someone spending above their means, or someone who was a “keep up with the Joneses” type. I will confess though that living with mom and dad would be a problem for her at this point. So, self supporting is a must.
I wonder about the physical appearance part too. At nearly 6 ft tall, I feel like many young men automatically shy away from my D. She has always dated boys/men who were shorter which isn’t a problem for her at all, but I don’t think the reverse is true. She’s outdoorsy, adventurous, loves to hike/camp, travel, loves music and theater, and is an amazing cook. And a quirky, nerdy, DnD type who also loves ren faires, crafting, trivia nights, and reading.
I have hope that the right person will come along!
11 Likes
I feel that we had a great period when beauty standards were very inclusive. Unfortunately, I think that is coming to a rapid conclusion with a renewed interest in being extremely thin and the proliferation of impossible beauty standards on social media.
7 Likes
And the upkeep- the age at which a girl/woman needs to worry about professional hair styling, highlighting, teeth bleaching, nail extensions… ugh.
I had my first professional manicure before my wedding (a treat from my co-workers- we all went together). Now I see 8th graders heading in with their friends. I first colored my hair at 40 with my first grays. Now I am told that you get your first professional highlights for junior prom- and it never stops. You can’t go to sorority rush with DIY hair anymore!
I think the emphasis on constant, expensive grooming for young teens is very sad. If you can afford it- great. But it’s not just the money. It’s the message. You are not enough. Slapping on mascara and sunscreen won’t do it- not when there is an eyelash salon on every corner with HS kids spending $200 for fake eyelashes.
16 Likes
H and I walk 5 miles a day and many days we walk through UCSD as it is nearby. The number of people walking not just on campus, but all over our area with full noise canceling headphones is astounding. And you are 100% correct that they are on their phones when waiting for anything. I really think the constant connection to phones is making it impossible for young people to make real connections.
11 Likes
My daughters use noise cancelling headphones so they aren’t approached by random men. One is in a relationship, one happily single - neither is looking for “real” connections while they are going about their business.
I think there is a lot of nostalgia about what often was low/mid level harassment in the “good old days”. People going about their business don’t want to be interrupted but other people “looking for real connection”.
I think if you want to meet friends and possible significant others:
Volunteer with causes you want to support
Go to your place of worship and get involved with the young/single people’s clubs that are often formed there
Join clubs/activities that you enjoy
Tell your friends/family that you are looking to meet others; clearly there are many here who are ready and willing to set their children up to meet new people
Don’t expect to make ‘real connection’ walking around a park, going to the gym (lots of women want to work out, not meet men at the gym) or otherwise running errands.
6 Likes
I see both sides of this honestly. Sometimes people just want to engage, which shouldn’t always be construed as weird and creepy. I feel like we really stigmatize people speaking with strangers. I’m a total introvert, but I don’t get offended when a stranger starts a conversation.
13 Likes
I’ll repeat what I posted upthread that goes to @blossom’s comment about “upkeep:”
I know it’s not PC to talk about looks, but our son often complained that many of the more beautiful women he dated were just too high maintenance and fussy about things that don’t matter to him. Eventually, he’d invite the young woman on a run and notice if she showed up in makeup or fancy/coordinated athletic wear. Let’s just say that, over the years, we saw a distinctive change in the type of woman he was interested in.
Totally agree. The extreme effort so many young women ago to, not for themselves, but because they believe they have to look a certain way to be attractive is sad. At some point, our son just wanted to know what they looked like under all that “stuff” and how confident they were in their own skins. It wasn’t about beauty, it was about self-esteem. As a beauty school dropout, I could say a lot more, but this really is a touchy subject.
10 Likes
If extensions, manis, highlighting, bleaching, fake eyelashes, etc.. are requirements for dating, my daughter is doomed. The only make up she wears is a dab of concealer stick for the occasional zit and Burt’s Bees for chapped lips. She’s never colored her hair, wears it in a long bob (she’s blessed with thick hair) and cuts it twice/year. She’s extremely low maintenance.
10 Likes
One things I’ve learned is that I don’t get to control how other people feel about my actions. If someone found my approaching them while they were wearing noise canceling headphones (the universal sign of don’t talk to me) “creepy and weird” - the reasonable response, imo, isn’t me somehow arguing their reaction is wrong. It is to question my own actions.
If you, personally, don’t mind strangers approaching you while you are out and about running errands, working out, etc - great! It doesn’t matter if you are introverted, extroverted, etc. YOU don’t mind it.
Other people do mind being approached by strangers “looking for connection” (for whatever reason, I don’t think it matters what the reason is). Their feelings matter just as much as anyone else’s. It is not on them to manage a stranger’s emotions or reactions to a lack of desire for connection/conversation/etc.
4 Likes
Loves sports and quirky and fun … I want to date her!
4 Likes
I would’ve found it difficult to parent a frilly, fluffy girl. Just not how our household rolled, especially with two older brothers.
D is licensed in a very stable, well paying profession. She doesn’t care about their paychecks; she cares that they work, care about their work, and are fiscally responsible. She doesn’t like slackers, people putting on airs, and living above their means.
I do think many men her age care about looks in dating, unfortunately so.
4 Likes
I’m not talking about approaching someone with headphones on - I’m talking about a simple “ have you tried this?” in a grocery store if two people are looking at the same item. “There’s an eagle in that tree” out on a nature trail. The small little engagements of every day life. I think losing these is a shame.
16 Likes
Describes DIL. They attend a lot of sporting events, she can outrun him (no small feat; that discovery may have sealed the deal), and she loves Legos and Baby Yoda (a lot).
See, another reason for a CC matchmaking service.
6 Likes
The one thing I got from my mom is the ability to talk to anyone about anything. She loved talking to the pharmacy tech and the bank teller. Now Rxs are in the mail, and banking is online. I think that’s what some of us are saying, that in the name of efficiency and convenience we’ve lost these little moments of humanity.
13 Likes