<p>Sadly, I think my daughter (college freshman) this this type of dancing is normal. It’s what everyone does. She attended several dances with her boyfriend who went to a Catholic high school, and apparently that’s what went on there, too. We have raised her with morals and values, and she’s a fairly conservative girl - but I have to admit she’s probably participated in this type of dancing. Like I said, she thinks it’s normal. And of all the battles I could choose to fight, I chose not to fight this one. (sigh)</p>
<p>My D told me that her date wanted to grind at the Homecoming dance and she flat out told him that she did not find it appropriate and would not dance that way. Yay for kids standing up for “their values”. Both of my D’s do not tolerate smoking either and will tell the offender to take it elsewhere. I think if parents instill these values and promote standing up for what they believe then that is as far as you can expect. There will always be kids and adults who only want to do the popular thing or won’t take a stand.</p>
<p>“I don’t think you can really compare the waltz or the Charleston with humping against another person.”</p>
<p>Oh, everything kids come up with to scandalize their parents is a “radical departure” from what was acceptable before. In this generation, for the first time, they came up with the brand new idea of pantomiming sex on the dance floor! That really is what they said about the waltz. Verbatim. A mixed pair clutching – alone – pressing the whole length of their bodies against each other – breathing on each others’ necks – rolling and spinning in rhythm – the waltz shocked 19th-century country-dancing parents just like this is shocking you.</p>
<p>The kind of dancing you’re talking about is nothing new, and I saw it on high school dance floors in 1990. Trust me, there were obnoxious guys cutting in on girls and copping a feel at the school dance in 1925. The solution then is the same as the solution now: touching other students who don’t want to be touched is always unacceptable, and if the offenders don’t stop when warned, they should be thrown out of the dance.</p>
<p>I agree with SweetTea – if this kind of dancing is against your family’s values, then teach your kids not to do it. That’s all you can do. You can’t, and shouldn’t, control other people’s kids unless they’re hurting one another.</p>
<p>“I’m not really looking for comments about how it hasn’t worked or how not to bother.”</p>
<p>Then you should find a message board populated solely by people who share your perspective. On this one, if you ask a question, anyone can weigh in, and you get the answers you get.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That’s not true. Schools have rules, i.e. systemic means of control of other persons’ children. Take texting in class. That is not harmful to the other students, at least in the physical sense. Yet it is forbidden. Or, for example, publicly kissing your boyfriend/girlfriend in the hallway. Or a dress code, and so forth.</p>
<p>These are all examples of control, generally in order to enforce some sort of moral standard on the children. I don’t see why freakdancing should not be considered another potential opportunity for this.</p>
<p>This has just become an issue at my local high school. All dances have been cancelled/postponed until they figure out what to do. It’s not just the dancing – it’s students arriving drunk and stoned to the dances. And dressing inappropriately. The students are furious.</p>
<p>
To me that one’s easily solved. First, in order to purchase a ticket to a dance at our hs, students must have a form signed by the parent and students that outlines the rules. One of the rules states that administrators will greet each student, and that students who in the opinion of the administrators are under the influence of anything will be denied admittance. We prefer this to breathalyzing, because breathalyzers don’t pick up pot or other drugs. If the administrator sees red eyes, slurred words, etc - the kids are turned away. It seems to work pretty well, at least for the dances - most of the drinking here seems to go on AFTER dances, instead of before.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>True, and I mentioned PDA earlier. I don’t see how kissing in the hallways and grinding on someone on the floor are any different. Most people seem to understand and accept that schools that crack down on PDA in school hallways-but then don’t approve of schools asking students not to simulate sex on the dance floor?</p>
<p>I was a chaperone at my DD’s high school dance and was asked to monitor grinding and stop it if I saw it. I never saw even one couple doing this.</p>
<p>I think that the statement its what everyone does is something that people say to make themselves feel better about something they’re uncomfortable about, but its rarely a good argument. And no, its not something everyone does. Ive been to my kids high school dances and nothing too graphic was happening. Of course my kids are kind of modest and inexperienced with the opposite sex and would die of embarrassment if anyone would do that to them.</p>
<p>If a man and a woman want to dance like this in private, then great for them, but dancing like this is not for public viewing. For a girl to stick out her rear end and have a bunch of guys rub their genitals on her is completely out of line for any kind of school-sponsored function.</p>
<p>Thanks all for your comments and some real life answers. I especially like the above response from horsfeathers.
How could anyone argue with that?</p>
<p>Our school does screen for drunkenness and appropriate dress, although I’m not really sure what they consider appropriate, I think it has more to do with breasts hanging out (bad) then short skirts (sort of okay).</p>
<p>Bunsenburner, thanks for the link to the form.</p>
<p>Hanna, You’re right this is certainly the wrong board for answers without opinions, but sometimes it’s really nice when people stay on-topic and help. I’ve been posting on this board for about eight years, so I should know better. :)</p>
<p>Kids lay on the floor to dance? !!! :eek:</p>
<p>
You said it before I could…this is the tongue-in-cheek message taught in our Catholic school as well. Doesn’t mean grinding was not happening. Our kids also had to sign a contract this year before prom…could not be a clearer message. Grinding was not allowed and you would be asked to leave. No exceptions. It worked, at least inside the dance venue.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>REALLY??? I think this is pretty naiive thinking. Even my “good” kids who had been given EVERY value lesson known to this mom, take daily religion class as part of their cirriculm, and don’t drink, smoke or have sex, were doing this…when it is tolerated, it is tried and accepted. My parents modeled every good behavior they knew…didn’t mean I didn’t have some nights in college I can’t completely remember (not proud, just saying…)</p>
<p>When this generation has kids of their own, they will not want them to be doing this, but right now, it must seem like pretty harmless fun considering what they see on television and hear in music lyrics.</p>
<p>The school should clearly lay out their expectations, and the chaperones should not wimp out…enforce them. Kids respect consistency and follow through, even if they grumble.</p>
<p>At D’s boyfriend’s homecoming (a private Catholic school), all attendees had to sign a paper that said that they would adhere to the rules of “Face to Face, and Leave Some Space.” We all thought that was pretty amusing. </p>
<p>I don’t think there’s really much new under the sun, though. The dancing itself may have looked different in our era, but the hormones and the feelings were just as intense.</p>
<p>Part of the reason my D’s school banned freak dancing and then cancelled the next big dance was because it made a lot of kids really uncomfortable - and this is a school that places a very high value on community and inclusiveness. I think there are many things a school doesn’t need to police, but this seemed like a good move, IMO. A freshman girl who is looking forward to high school could be pretty disillusioned when she finds out that dances look like sex with clothes on. She’ll stop coming to the dances, or else decide it’s worth the discomfort of fitting in by continuing to attend. Either one is a bad outcome. </p>
<p>I hate to be blunt, but I firmly believe that a lot of the girls who participate are very naive about what the boys are actually thinking while this supposedly harmless dancing is going on. Certainly my own D professed that it was totally innocent, even though she couldn’t deny that boys were basically given a license to hump in public. When I confronted her with that reality, it at least made her look at it through less rosey lenses.</p>
<p>Our public high school bans this type of dancing at all school dances. The kids are told ahead of time that they will be kicked out of the dance if they do it. There are 4 high schools in our district and this is what they all do. They don’t seem to have any problem enforcing it, and no one makes a big deal about the fact that it is banned. Seems to me that if you want to ban it, you just ban it.</p>
<p>My son’s school just banned that kind of dancing. He’s a really straight arrow sort of kid, but him and his friends are so indignant that the school dared to ban something, they are boycotting the dances. To which I respond, great, so you punish yourself twice? You don’t get the money (that goes to class parties) from the dance, and you don’t get to enjoy yourself at the dance? Boy, that’s really sticking it to the man! Sigh.</p>
<p>Apparently these kids are under the illusion that since they are responsible and go to a highly scholastic private school, that they actually have full control. Uh…yeah. When you pay the bills, you get control.</p>
<p>Recent email…</p>
<p>"Please take out your planner and read the Dress Code guidelines in your Student Planner. The main objectives are ensuring Modesty and a Clean cut image.</p>
<pre><code>* Ladies’ skirts may never be shorter than 3” above the knees (measure from a kneeling position. Measure at home before you come.)
- Ladies’ tops/ shirts must be modest, show no cleavage or midriff in the standing or sitting position, and be in good repair.
- Sagging pants is not acceptable.
- Boys’ hair must be in accordance with dress code standards and no earrings for boys.
- No Jeans / pants/ clothing w/ fraying, rips, tears….
</code></pre>
<p>Important Reminder regarding School Events:</p>
<pre><code>* Dress Code applies at all school events, even if they are off campus or not during school hours. This means that dress code applies at football games, soccer games, and at the Homecoming Dance. Please refer to your handbook. Dress code will be enforced.
- Before planning what you plan to wear to the Homecoming Dance, please refer to your handbook. Students who are not in dress code will not be allowed in until/ unless they get into dress code and stay in dress code. Refunds for tickets will not be given. Yes, this includes the length of girls’ skirts. Measure ahead of time from a kneeling position. This is a casual dress event – you can wear jeans, but no short skirts or low shirts.
</code></pre>
<p>A word about conduct at dances:</p>
<p>We are pleased to be able to offer social events like dances for our students and we feel they are important. It is important to remember that inappropriate (like grinding) and close dancing at *** dances is not appropriate. Students who choose to behave in a way contrary to the mission and beliefs of *** will be asked to leave and their parents will be called. Come, enjoy, and have FUN!"</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>At that point, they’re no longer dancing.</p>
<p>Texting in class? That goes directly to the academic mission of the school. The point of having the student in class is for them to listen, so the school has a right to keep distractions out of the classroom. Even so, I’d think it was a stretch if Suzie’s mom was calling the school to complain that Jimmy was texting (quietly, without involving Suzie) during class. Teachers, or Jimmy’s parents, sure.</p>
<p>'When this generation has kids of their own, they will not want them to be doing this, but right now, it must seem like pretty harmless fun"</p>
<p>Oh, this generation’s kids will come up with something else, and the parents of the class of 2040 will long for the innocent days of grinding. That’s something close to a law of nature. In the 70s, kids were listening to rock, and the parents called it noise – why would anyone listen to a screeching, distorted electric wail? Then in the 90s, the kids listened to rap, and their rock-fan parents called it noise – how can it be music if there are no notes? And the wheel goes round and round.</p>
<p>They’re either grinding where you can see them or banging where you can’t. The good news is most are smart enough to use condoms.</p>
<p>If you were a teenage high school student and the adults banned this kind of dancing, how would you react? You will not succeed and you’ll create distance between the adults and the students.</p>
<p>Pick your battles. This is definitely one not worth fighting. You won’t win, and you will lose quite a bit.</p>