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This is the saddest part of the piece to me: āBut in many new apartments, even a space to put a table and chairs is absent. Eating is relegated to couches and bedrooms, and hosting a meal has become virtually impossible.ā
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Weāve discussed the pros and cons of dining rooms several times. DH and I argue about this one as he is unable to see how useless a dining room/table is for us. We havenāt had a dedicated dining room since two houses ago. Currently, we have a huge kitchen island that can seat eight and more outdoor dining space than we could ever use. We just donāt have that many friends. I gave in and got a large rustic trestle table for the living room but, as I keep pointing out, itās just a decoration that gets used at the holidays only because he wants to set a fancy table, not because we need the seating. Even at the cabin he insisted, so I got a narrow flip-top console table that lives under a window and can be moved into the kitchen area and set up for the six people weāre never going to have here at one time.
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Iām not sure about other cities, but in London all the former sitting rooms and dining rooms are converted to bedrooms. My nephew lives in a flat that has a large kitchen and a sitting room with a table that can seat six. Itās actually quite unusual to find that kind of space these days. Totally depressing.
I donāt see a problem with having informal eating spaces at all, but having no eating spaces would be a deal breaker for me and yes, totally depressing.
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Our formal dining rooms has three walls rather than four. Itās a flex space; in the past itās been a library with a big overstuffed couch. But now, we have a large table in there that we found on the side of the road and refinished. I love it so much. We donāt entertain that much, but when we do we sit there, and sometimes dh and I will eat there by ourselves if we are having a larger meal and donāt want to perch in front of the TV. If we donāt go anywhere for the holidays, we have fancy meals on the china in that room
If we were to downsize into a condo, I totally could see giving up a dining room table and a dedicated space, but I love it for now.
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Having a house with a space large enough for dining room furniture was important to me, and it was quite hard to find one that was not part of an open concept, great room/kitchen combo, as I wanted walls to separate the mess of the kitchen from the dining area so that it could be more relaxing.
When, due to space constraints, we needed to sacrifice the informal eating space that could seat 4 or the more formal eating space that could seat up to about 12 (though usually only set for 6), we kept the more formal space. Thatās where we eat our family meals, do crafting, set up multiple monitors when working from home, etc. So the table now has more scratches, etc, but we have a designated space where we eat together and can host others (though hosting more than 2-3 additional people at a time beyond our nuclear family became more of a rarity once we hit parenthood). I still have hopes of resuming our dinner parties, though.
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100%.
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We have a large kitchen island that effectively divides the kitchen workspaces from the dining area (where there is a table that seats 8-10). While itās challenging to keep the island clear, it is really useful as a place to set out drinks and the dessert selection to avoid cluttering the dining table (which isnāt super wide) while entertaining.
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We have a four-level split, with an L-shaped living room/dining room area and a small eat-in kitchen on the main level. We usually eat in the kitchen ā we have a farmhouse-type table that seats four, six if we bring in chairs and pull out the leaf. Many families in our neighborhood have taken down the wall between the living room and kitchen to add an island for cooking/sink or bar seating and to add another length of cabinets in the dining room area. Iād love that extra space, but I just donāt think Iād like everyone to see the mess in an open floorplan kitchen/living room, much less the grease and grime that would spread everywhere.
If I had to chuck a room, itād be our living room. Itās just wasted space for us. Itās not formal, thereās no sunlight, the furniture is old and doggy, and the family room one level down has the fireplace, newer sofa and TV. The dining room has a large table and a cabinet, mainly a place for H to dump all his snack and work stuff.
We always had dinner together as a family, even if H came home at 9 pm. It was really important to him. No kitchen table would feel strange to me.
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Predeceasing the formal dining room was the formal living room - the room with fussy furniture that no one was allowed to sit in unless royalty was visiting 
My husband designs and builds homes. Most common area rooms are now referred to as āflex spaceā. Formal living rooms have morphed into home offices. For some young families, formal dining rooms are now kids playrooms, allowing parents to keep an eye on them while they are in the downstairs rooms of multi-level homes.
Another feature that weāre seeing less of a use for in new homes is bathtubs. Typically, one free-standing tub in the primary and the rest are walk-in showers.
My mother-in-law is very distressed that she kept her dark-stained, very formal dining room set, complete with china hutch and tea cart - hoping to pass it on to someone - and no one will take it.
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Our last house was a modern open concept with a huge open concept kitchen /family room but we still had a formal living and dining room. The living room was the music room but most people used that space as a home office.
Our current old house is four stories with the family room on the top floor. The first floor living room gets used all the time (we host and entertain a lot). Itās the prettiest room in the house and I love being in that space.
I also hate guests seeing the kitchen mess so we ignored our realtorās recommendation to take down the wall between the kitchen and dining room. Iād we ever sell, the new owners are welcomed to do that.
I will say that the previous owners used the dining room as a family room and the sunporch directly off the dining room as a kids playroom. The living room is huge and they had their dining table in there (where we have our Dās grand piano).
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Mess? What kitchen mess? 
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Your home sounds spacious and lovely! Family room on the top floor - thatās a lot of stairs to climb! 
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Yes, lots of stairs! This is likely not the forever home ; )
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My husband and I felt like such āgrown-upsā when we bought our full set of dining room furniture 20 years ago a few years after we moved to our newly built house. Big china cabinet with all the wedding china.
We ended up using that room (and china) no more than 1-2x a year. Same with the adjacent formal living room that we spent a (for us) disproportionate amount of $ furnishing with custom window treatments, matching dark furniture, grandfather clock, etc. I donāt think weāve ever sat there as a family.
We have a big table in the open concept eating area that is an extension of the kitchen and a half wall separates that from the big family room.
I really only see the need (for my purposes) for one place to eat (with the chance to expand the table for a larger group).
We definitely got more use of the dining room early on when my then-9 year old filled the whole place with his Legos! Great memories. 
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We never, ever used our formal living room. So, we moved our formal dining room there. And made a wine/bar/ cocktail room out of the old dining room. Tiled both floors, moved the big chandalier, bought a smaller one for the bar area.
Git rid of all the silver and crystal in the hutch and bought gorgeous colored glass art.
We use that bar constantly. We entertain using both rooms. I donāt have an island, so the dining room has the food set all around. True, we only actually use the new dining room for special occasions, but I love having it. Here are some pics. We bought a counter height table. We use it as overflow during the holidays. I love that as the ākidsā donāt have to eat in the kitchen, and they feel part of everyone else (and itās nicer).
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Growing up in an apartment, we never used either the living room or dining room. We called those rooms as kids āthe Museumā. We lived mostly in the kitchen (it was pretty big and had a TV) and a small den.
My husband and I lived in a split for many years (just sold it last year). The original design of the split was that the small kitchen (very small - could hardly fit a breakfast table) was able to be completely closed off (closeable doors for all 3 doorways into the room). I guess to hide the mess. We ate in the āformalā dining room every single night (and my husband frequently ate breakfast or lunch there also.) Despite having redone the kitchen with a nice peninsula that my daughter and I usually breakfasted and lunched at.
We now live in a 2 bedroom apartment in a 55+ building. There is a ābonusā area which we have turned into a dining room and eat in most nights. Having peaked in a few other apartments, we are in the minority. Most are eating all their meals at their kitchen island. Many have turned this bonus area into an office or sitting area instead.
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I love examples like this where someone adapts their home to the desires they want and make their space more useable! Everyone should open their mind and consider doing this!
Sounds like you love it and it makes you happy. I am SO Team āLet Your House Give You Joyā!!!
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Once our D has her first house and we can ship her the piano, we are turning that front part of the living room into a lounge/bar.
Sharing food/dining is my primary form of socialization so we have lots of places where we can eat. Kitchen island with bar seating for 4 -6, the dining room which seats 8, the sun porch seats 4, the front porch seats 4-6, and multiple dining areas in the back yard which can seat 18. (I may have a problem ; )).
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