<p>I am about to enter my senior year of college, and I have a job offer which I will take. The salary is very good, it is in fact better than my dad makes. I haven’t told him that I received this offer yet. I am slightly worried about how my dad will react. I’m not entirely surprised by the salary but it definitely is very good. His expectation was that I would make about 35-40K less a year than what this job is offering me. My dad has worked very hard to provide for me and my sister, raise us, send us to college, all that. While I’m sure he’ll be proud and happy for me, I am worried it will be kind of demoralizing for him to know I’m going to be making more than him right out of college. </p>
<p>I’m thinking of telling him I’m making something close to what he expected. Maybe slightly more, but still less than he makes. (In 2012 he made about 16K less than what I was offered) Does this sound like a good idea? Have any kids run into this with their parents, or parents with their kid? What is your opinion?</p>
<p>Be honest. That is the best idea. Your dad will be proud.</p>
<p>When I graduated from college back in the dark ages, I too was offered much more in salary than either of my parents earned. They were very proud, not demoralized.</p>
<p>I’m sure that there are a lot of struggling lower to lower-middle income parents who would be glad to hear that all of the struggles to put their kid through college has now resulted in an apparently more financially tenable future for the next generation. Better than being back on the parents’ couch or in the unemployment line.</p>
<p>I am a parent. If your father has worked hard to educate you I cannot imagine him bring anything other than proud and extremely happy for you. If you were my child, I would feel a great sense of accomplishment that my child would be doing so well. I would feel like all my hard work providing for you and sacrificing to send you to college has paid off. Most parents want their children to be better off. If my child lied about his salary because he thought that I would find it demoralizing, I would be extremely hurt that he thought so little of me. But perhaps you come from a culture with different norms? Perhaps you could say that you are so happy to be in the position to give him a few little luxuries that he gave up providing for you and your sister. Remind him of how you would not have been able to be in such a position were it not for how well he provided for you, that his work ethic was your role model. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t lie about it. But again, I may be missing a cultural difference so forgive me if I am off base.</p>
<p>I’d be relieved that my offspring landed a big salary and would be able to provide for him/herself right out of the gate.
That said, you know your dad’s fragile ego will be dinged so tell him in confidence, not in front of other family.
He will get over it and ask you for a new car/boat.
Congrats.</p>
<p>I agree that he will be happy that there will be tangible results from your college education so soon!
Parents want their kids to have a better life than they did.( I think most do anyway)
Thats why we spend our time, energy & money on our children.
Tell him the truth. It will come out eventually anyway and it will hurt him more if he finds out you lied to him.
I dont ascribe to the philosophy that education is to solely make more money, but a liveable wage right out of school is something to be pleased about!</p>
<p>Wow! Don’t lie–unless you think he wants you to give him a percentage of your earnings. I’m sure your dad will be proud. Maybe you could take your parents out to dinner to celebrate your first paycheck? And give them a little “thank you” gift/note? Nothing would make me happier as a parent than to have my kids thank me (and H) for the sacrifices we made that helped them into a secure financial position.
My brother was bragging the other day that both his son and d (with their spouses) are now making more than he and his wife. He was proud, not ashamed.</p>
<p>I would not lie. If you are uncomfortable telling your dad, don’t. You can tell him that it is a very good offer and more than expected. If he asks directly, then I would tell him.</p>
<p>As a parent, I would be happy that my child is off to a good start in life. I would be hurt if I find out that my kid is lying to me.</p>
<p>Agree with everyone else. Dad will probably be thrilled - I know we are for our son. If you don’t want to tell him, you don’t have to (our son is pretty open with us but that is his choice and we would understand if he chose not to be). But don’t lie about it.</p>
<p>Like most parents I’d love for my kids to do better than me in a number of ways. If they end up earning more money than me at any point then I consider that an accomplishment not just for them but maybe even a bit for me in how they were raised. I’d be quite happy for them and feel some satisfaction myself.</p>
<p>There’s nothing at all wrong with earning more than your father and there’s nothing wrong with him earning less than you.</p>
<p>What if your father was a social worker or minister and made a modest salary but loved what he does and achieves a lot of satisfaction from it and you decided to go into computer science, investment banking, law, or some other potentially higher paying job? Why in that situation would your father be disappointed in any way?</p>
<p>The salary comparison is really apples and oranges - you’re two different people at two different points in your lives and likely two different career areas.</p>
<p>
Then let him see the fruits of his labors and enjoy it.</p>
<p>If for some reason he takes the news negatively then that’s not your issue - it’s an issue with him realizing that it’s actually an accomplishment on his part as well as yours. Maybe you could help him with that.</p>
<p>You might want to consider thanking him for enabling you to achieve what you did with his hard work and selfless support of your education. You may have already done this.</p>
<p>Note - You also can always leave the salary number private. There’s no reason you have to tell him what you earn. If he asks and you’re comfortable with it then share it with him but if for some reason you don’t want to share it then you can just say you feel it was a good offer and you’re satisfied with it and ‘thanks again for enabling me to achieve this’.</p>
<p>We’re pretty standard Americans, so there’s not really a cultural issue, but my dad is very proud of himself and what he’s done with his life (in a similar shift, his parent were farmers and very poor) and we live a good middle class life. He’s not the type that would ask for anything from me. Likely, he wouldn’t even accept anything from me. In a sense, it’s as if he thinks he’s the wealthiest man in the world, and that no one could possibly be more successful. He hated his dad, for as far as I can tell, simply being poor. I guess I didn’t make it clear in my original post but that’s his general archetype. </p>
<p>The consensus is clear so I will tell him, but any particular way? He will ask directly about salary I’m getting (he’s very “money minded”) and I will not be able to hide that. I know outwardly he’ll be happy for me, but internally he will be disappointed in himself. That’s just how he is. The city the job is in is more expensive than the city where we live, so I could follow the salary with that. What can I say to make it sound as if it’s not as big a deal as it is?</p>
<p>I think if he asks, and if you want to disclose it, then simply tell him. It’s okay for you to be happy and proud of it too. Don’t downplay it or be apologetic for it. There’s no reason to do that. Again, you can shift a bit of the success his way in telling him how much you appreciate his support of you through college that allowed you to get to this point.</p>
<p>If he has issues with you earning more than him then that’s something for him to deal with - not you. You’re obviously doing nothing wrong by being financially successful at this point.</p>
<p>I was in your position, back in the day. It thrilled my father no end that I made more than he did–he appreciated the value of an education. It was a proud day! He was an immigrant, grew up dirt poor, and struggled to provide us with a middle class life.</p>
<p>Now, as a parent, I can tell you that having your child succeed in their chosen career is the pinnacle of what you want as a parent. You want your child to be happy, healthy, have a good moral center–and you want them to have a measure of success. Clearly, your parents’ hard work in raising you has paid off.</p>
<p>All that said, I would tell your father privately–I like the idea of taking him out to dinner. And after telling him once, I don’t know that I’d continue to mention it, at least not in dollar amounts, from here on out. Saying “I got a 10% raise” down the line sounds much classier than giving actual figures (unless he asks). I also grew up in a family where money wasn’t discussed a lot–if your family routinely discusses salaries over the dinner table, no need to be shy, I just wouldn’t want to keep bringing it up.</p>
<p>If he asks, tell him your salary. Then follow it up buy… I’ve been researching and a comparable salary in this area is x so although it sounds like a lot it won’t go nearly as far as it does here.</p>
<p>Also, I am careful about talking about raises so keep that in mind moving forward. I don’t mind telling my parents the percent but not my sister. She works for a place very stingy with money and would get very upset. As an example last year she got a two percent raise and three bonus where as I got a five percent raise and a six percent bonus. </p>
<p>Well, you could stop acting like it’s a big deal, for one. Just tell him you got a great job offer, he’ll ask for how much, you’ll tell him, and what he feels about that is his business, not yours. You don’t get to manage other people’s feelings. I do think it would be nice for you to get him a nice gift as part of the news …gratitude is always appropriate.</p>
<p>Don’t try to make it sound like it’s not a big deal! Be humble, incredulous, and heartily thank him so much for working so hard and for so many years so that you could have this incredible opportunity. Give him the credit.</p>