Is college supposed to feel like this?
*any insight anyone would like to share or experiences that would be awesome!
Sorry this is so wordy.!
I love learning the material. But it feels like it just sucks.
I am in my 2nd year living in an apartment with two roomies. One roommate I am very close to her but the other girl we are more like aquaintances.
I am 4 hours away from homes and only go home at Christmas and the one February reading week.
The first year I was so homesick and cried a lot and called home often.
I’ve read many articles about homesickness such as it’s really about not feeling the same sense of security,
love, and sense of belonging that was associated with “Home”.
This year it has been better though- somewhat.
I loved high school, I had amazing friends, joined lots of clubs, did well academically, and went out to school events/activities.
I am transferring to a college where I can live at home and commute as the program is more specific, all of my best high school friends go there as well. I am also extremely close with my family and being away from them for so long is very difficult.
But school in general is a struggle. I wish it wasn’t. And I don’t know if it should feel that way…
It being intellectually challenging and stimulating yes that’s great! BUT mentally when I dread waking up and starting each day over and just longing to return home?? I want to believe that is not what college should be like- hence why I am transferring (also for program reasons). It will surely improve my mental health as well.
(Also side note* the education system makes me frustrated as there is so much pressure on grades and always being constantly evaluated…but I guess that’s just college…)
I want to believe that college is not supposed to be like this. And shouldn’t.
I think it’s definitely the sign I am at the wrong college program wise, distance, campus feel etc.
And I have put so much effort into trying to make it feel like home by becoming involved in clubs, going out to events, meeting new people etc.
But that overall love for going to school every day and being “proud” of the school I go to isn’t there.
And it’s confusing because I’ve always been a person who’s loved school. Maybe it’s because my program is too broad and I’ve had no opportunities for practicums or placements. And because all of my close relationships and bonds are with people who are back home.
Maybe also because I feel like I have identity confusion.
I also extremely felt homesick recently coming back from this winter break. Because I was associating “Home” as where the confident, outgoing, social and happy me was in high school. I was almost mourning who I used to be. Then I realized that person, she is still here. Of course adapting to new surroundings, people, and lifestyle may have made me feel more self-conscious, shy and antisocial but that doesn’t mean I am a completely different person from high school.
I guess I just have to get through the next 3 months before this term is over and I can start somewhere new in September…
