We are a long way from having to decide, but out of curiosity —
I own an antique, 1800’s textile, made by an ancestor and handed down to me through family ties (but not my folks). It’s in pristine condition. My parents have some valuable antiques that will go to historical societies that run the homes of those items’ original owners, a decision we all heartily endorse. I can’t decide if I will give up this item to a place better equipped to care for it (assuming they would want it) or stick one of my offspring with it.
Have you inherited anything like that? Have you handed any down? I have some neat family possessions to hand along, but this summer-and-winter coverlet is the only really valuable one.
Why don’t you ask your kids if they want it (trying not to make them feel like they have to say yes). Explain why. It’s very possible they have no interest in owning this and would be happy to see it donated where it will be preserved.
One person’s treasure is another person’s burden. For anything that requires effort- climate control, preservation, insurance rider, space- you need to ask.
I have a few pieces that have been handed down through the generations. My dd has zero interest. We’ll sell off or donate when the time comes (of it comes unexpectedly, she’ll sell/donate).
Went through this a few years ago with both my mother and MIL… I got left with the goods and it’s been a burden. Making decisions of what to do with the junk and my stuff, when DH and I go.
I agree you should ask your children. We have a family bible that goes back to the very early 1700s and records the first few generations of births, deaths, marriages, etc. It went through a flood a few years back and had to be restored and cared for. Luckily one of the distant family members works for a museum and had connections. I have no idea who has it now. Technically, I would probably be the next in line to have it. At this point, I would rather it went to a museum. It has value for people far beyond the branch of the family that ended up in the homestead. I’m sure that at this point, there are thousands of distant relatives that descend from the first settlers to arrive, and they should be able to somehow access to the bible also.
I agree that it’s best to act the intended beneficiary. It is indeed a burden (with some blessing) to acquire a piece that requires climate/humidity control and other special care.
We have some handmade Hawaiian quilts that my late grandmother made. I am not sure how well they are doing as I didn’t take the care i should have RE preservation—humidity and climate.
I have some furniture from the late 1800s passed down through my mother’s grandmother, born in 1850, and a secretary from 1920 from my dad’s mother. My kids have all expressed interest in these items. Most have been refinished once; the caned rockers recaned once.
They all have sentimental value to me and I love using and seeing them on a daily basis. Probably why my kids like them, too.
We went through our house at Christmas asking each of our kids what they wanted. Really, they can have most of what they want (which is not much) just about any time. But again…there wasn’t much they wanted. Either of them.
So…we will get rid of the stuff some other way.
My in-laws have a grandfather clock that has been in the family for three generations. My husband is the oldest son, so he has been chosen to receive it. We have zero interest in owning it…at all. We don’t want it, we don’t want to move it, and we don’t want to maintain it. One of the other siblings would like it…so we have a secret deal that when MIL does, the other sibling can rent whatever and take the clock. It would be so much easier if she just gave it to them now.
This is a bit of a different issue, but related. A family heirloom (antique car) went to my cousin because her H was a mechanic and was interested in restoring it. In the divorce H got the car because he put in the work. Several years later he sold it to a third party. While he had every legal right to do that, I’m bummed that he didn’t give it to their kids or ask any of our family members if we’d have any interest in buying it. I wouldn’t have, but I’m pretty sure one of my other cousin’s kids would have leapt at the opportunity. Lots of us have fond memories of that car. Just sharing that for those of you thinking about getting rid of something, maybe send a group email to your extended family first seeing if they want to buy (or receive) it. You never know.
We have a piece of furniture which was supposedly at one time in the office of someone who is now on the path to catholic sainthood (i.e. he will most likely be declared a saint at some point). I hope to get time to verify this summer that is actually WAS in his office. If it was, I would prefer to turn it over to his shrine if they were interested, but I have my doubts as to whether H and his family would let us part with it.
I think there is a slightly different discussion to be had about family heirlooms that have historic significance and would be desired by a museum vs. older items that may have been in the family for years, but lack more general value or interest. The decision tree has a few extra branches in the first case. It can be kept as is, discussions can ensue with adult offspring about keeping it in the family and what that would entail or donating it to an appropriate place where it can be maintained and appreciated by more people, or selling it either to such a museum/historical site, or a private party. A logical first step could be to learn more about the item (exact maintenance required, current value and market/museum interest level), so that discussions are focussed.
Family was in the art and antique business, so we will have several such decisions to make going forward. Historical artifacts from one GF are on 10 year loan to a relevant historical organization where they are on display. This gives the great grandchildren time to see if they ever want to live these bulky items. I am betting they won’t and will be happy to appreciate them where they are. There are interim measures one can take that preserve the items and share them. For some items, the market demand can be fluid over time, so the equation can shift significantly. Interesting question and good luck.
My dad was the executor of a family property – think generational enormous house ---- which involved a very large amount of stuff. From truly valuable gold coins, to stupid collectible crap, to unknown antique valuables. The home itself was left to another person, he was to dispose of the contents. The deceased had given away sentimental or notable objects in prior years. But all the rest? His solution was to make spreadsheet of large or valuable or desirable items, with their insurance value and tax burden. That went to all cousins, and people returned it after notating anything they might want. He decidedwho got what, final decision with no discussion, and we paid the estate tax to him if there was any. A professional handled everythhing that was left at an estate sale. The person who inherited the home had it renovated and sold, and kept the proceeds, as was intended. I will say the strangest things ended up being really really valuable, and items we had always thought were valuable actually weren’t.
The approach made it possible to avoid unnecessary arguments, and if you had a sentimental attchment to something, you had the chance to say so. This contrasts sharply w another estate where family was literally shouting at each other in a driveway after the funerals. Yikes.
A weaver here - so I perked right up at the mention of a summer and winter coverlet. Textiles, I think, are different from furniture or silver, etc. in that they are not as durable and require the recipient expend more effort in caring for and preserving the piece. I would suggest you have the item evaluated by an expert who can tell you the coverlet’s value (monetary and historical). I inherited a box of table linens and had them evaluated and was told they were old, beautiful, there were many out there in the world, and I should use and enjoy them. It was liberating to hear that. What part of the country are you in? You might start with a local museum.
This is a timely post for me. My mother (and her husband) both died in 2005. He was a Holocaust survivor, born in Germany. Recently I (finally) mustered up the interest to open and go through a box of his. He and I weren’t close (they were married in 1989), and he has no children of his own. I closed their house when they died, and I remember packing some Judaica, but truly didn’t recall what. There were his tallit (prayer shall) and his personal prayer book, among a couple of other personal items. HOWEVER…there is one item in there that I absolutely need to get into the right hands…there is a badly beaten up haggadah (Passover readings book), when I opened it I audibly gasped. It is written in German and Hebrew (on the same page), and has a publication date of 1930, well over a decade before the Holocaust. This is not a reprinted copy, and as I mentioned, it is badly beaten up, the cover is falling apart at the seams and the pages are stained.
I know I want this book preserved, and I’m certain it has historical value to the Jewish community at large. If I were to contact a Jewish Museum (or possibly the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles), what would be the best way to do so? Email with a couple of photos? A phone call? And who within the organization am I wanting to connect with? My adult D thinks I should wait until its 100th publishing date, but I don’t want its condition to get worse, so I’m exploring options now.
Justamom, what a treasure! I would take pictures of the book and if you are close to a Jewish Museum, I would walk in and ask to speak to someone about it. If you don’t get any interest, try another museum or organization or email with pictures. I wouldn’t carry the book around but keep it in a safe place.
It’s a long story and of no historical value but it was by asking an idle question of a security guard that I found out my father’s “papers” are in the FDR presidential library. By papers, I mean a letter he wrote when he was 9 to then presidential candidate Roosevelt. People who do this work love this work and you’ll find someone who’s interested.
My DH’s family has an interesting way that they deal with belongings after a death. They have a public auction and the direct beneficiaries split the proceeds. Since they know they will be getting a certain % of the proceeds, they know they have $ to use to bid with and can use it towards the items they want most. It has worked really well, and the only problem I can recall was when someone who didn’t win an item stole it by quickly removing it from the auction grounds. As far as I know, there haven’t been items of significant cultural or historical value though, so this might not work in OPs situation.