<p>To all concerned – I apologize if my comments offended you, but OP implies she has no leverage or assets, and it sounds like hubby has been making plans. He holds all the cards. I have known too many good women friends who have been blindsided emotionally and financially by a husband who was secretly planning to divorce them and leave them with very little assets. The advice I relayed is advice they got from their attornies. Sorry to be so blunt, but she wanted advice. </p>
<p>I agree – it’s a horrible tactic – but so is a husband who leaves for 5 days and comes back with a legal paper for her to sign. He who plans, wins.</p>
<p>I’m glad to see that the OP’s child is not very young and is coping fairly well.</p>
<p>I’m concerned about the way the finances have been run, the fact that she has been kept relatively in the dark about them, and hope very sincerely someone can help her. She has quite the challenge ahead of her.</p>
<p>Good luck to you and let us know how you are doing.</p>
<h2>I agree – it’s a horrible tactic – but so is a husband who leaves for 5 days and comes back with a legal paper for her to sign. He who plans, wins. ~ Classof2015</h2>
<p>Nobody “wins” in a divorce. One person just might get more stuff than the other, or one might be able to hurt one more than the other.</p>
<p>No one should approach a divorce as a competition. Not when kids are involved.</p>
<p>Either way, the kids lose. The parent gloats about “winning” the divorce while their kids suffer with the depression and emotional stress - sad.</p>
<p>“Hey, lets have another round on me, I just took my husband/wife for everything they’re worth!!”</p>
<p>Meanwhile, the children cry alone in their bedroom.</p>
<p>If you signed the tax returns, you can get a copy, just ask the IRS (or have your attorney do it for you). Look around the house, it’s possible there are copies there. Also look for bank statements, credit card statements, car documents etc. Copy everything…better to copy something you don’t need than to not copy something you do need.<br>
Try the phone book for a womans legal center or something similar. Ask lots of questions about fees/language abilities, etc. Contact the nearest law school and ask for help. I suppose you could try [Premier</a> Attorney Directory, Find a Lawyer - HandelontheLaw.com](<a href=“http://www.handleonthelaw.com%5DPremier”>http://www.handleonthelaw.com), I like listening to the guy on the radio, but have no knowledge of his legal abilities. Contact the previous poster (momofwildchild) via pm for help.
If you have a church/minister/temple contact them, they may know someone who can help.
Good luck to you and your family.</p>
<p>Beast – you take my words too literally. My definition of “winning” is “getting what you want.” OP needs an attorney, and one who can help her get not just what she wants but what she deserves – money to keep her in the lifestyle she is accustomed to and money to care for her kids. It sounds like her husband has the upper hand with the assets and power, and she stands to get very little. </p>
<p>Bottom line, I hope we all agree on one thing – this nice lady needs help, and she shouldn’t be left high and dry financially by her soon-to-be-ex.</p>
<p>You’re right EmeraldKity – but a good attorney would be able to make the case (if it applies) that she has been the primary caregiver/homemaker and she’s been supported by his family for the past 5 years, so there is a financial precedent that should continue (even if for a limited time) so she can get on her feet, go back to school, get a job. “He is from a rich family, basically the family gave us full financial support for the past 5 years (he didn’t want to get a job, that’s the main reason for this divorce). I’m a stay at home mom, no working experience at this country, no hidden pocket money.” </p>
<p>I don’t know – I’m just trying to think of ways she can make her case.</p>
<p>IRS phone number is 1-800-829-1040. They will send you the forms to request copies of your tax returns. Get them for the last 3 years. Your attorney will need them. They may also give lots of helpful information (name of banks, stocks, mutual funds, etc.)</p>
<p>Good luck. Get the best legal representation you can find and afford.</p>
<p>Look for a Legal Referral Service, preferably one affiliated with a bar association. Here in NYC, you can get an initial consulataion for a VERY reasonable fee. Tell the referral service you need someone who speaks Mandarin (or other Chinese language) and it should be able to suggest someone if you are in a major city. </p>
<p>Alternatively, find an immigration attorney in your area who speaks your language. Call his or her office and ask for a few recommendations for a divorce attorney.</p>
<p>It sounds as though you are in Texas. Here is a link to an article on community property laws there. I just Googled for it. You need a good lawyer and you need one right away. It is possible your husband has no visible assets, that you’ve been living on assets protected by his family. The best way to find a good lawyer is to ask the mothers of your kid’s friends who are divorced. They will know who the good ones are, because we all rat on the bad ones and cheer for the good ones.</p>
<p>This well-regarded organization [Services</a> : Tahirih Justice Center](<a href=“http://www.tahirih.org/services/]Services”>http://www.tahirih.org/services/) provides pro bono legal services to immigrant women. If you are in Texas, they have a branch office in Houston if you are near there. Although they are known for work they have done on cases involving violence, from the website it appears they deal with other types of family law/divorce cases and will provide referrals. There is a main phone number and numbers for Houston office staff.</p>
<p>I don’t know what to say, you peoples here are so helpful and support. Thank you, thank you and thank you…</p>
<p>I met with the lawyer today, she gave me some advice and will handle the case. </p>
<p>Before I met the lawyer, I wasn’t feel angry or very upset, but today, I was so angry about him, even has the thought to hire a PI (use his check accept to pay for it). I want to find out where he was for the 5 days and why he wants the divorce so urgently. maybe there is another women… Am I normal?</p>
<p>Yes, you are normal. You suspect he has has a “xiǎo sān” somewhere. Not that I think it matters in your divorce, assuming Texas is a no fault state. Good luck.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update Bigbearmom. You have taken a positive step in hiring a lawyer. The anger sounds typical to me…try to focus on you and your daughter for now. One step at a time to a new beginning.</p>
<p>You may need (ask your attorney) a “forensic accountant” (sort of like a PI for financial matters). They often assist in divorces to locate hidden assets.</p>
<p>Please take Mom2M’s advice and copy everything you can that may be useful later. I told my husband’s niece to do that two years ago. She didn’t. It was a big mistake. Her husband is very clever and she has very little now. She kept thinking he’d come back, so she didn’t keep any records. He did. Give the copies to your lawyer to hold. Include any letters to you about the money his family has given you, as well as official documents.</p>
<p>I’m still in the middle of somewhere of divorce.
It’s getting ugly but I’m fighting for it.
I want to protect myself and my D.
I don’t want to hear any rubbish lies from him. How can I married someone for almost 20 years and don’t know he is that kind of person who give promise and never try to keep? Who is so great pretend he’s doing everything good for you and he is the innocent one?</p>