<p>Hugs to you today, bigbearmom.</p>
<p>It sounds like he is emotionally manipulative, and possibly verbally abusive. It is very painful to “wake up” to the reality of a marriage that you thought was filled with mutual caring and respect. He may have been lying for years. Hang in here. Fight for you and your daughter. Get out, heal, and things will be better.</p>
<p>Yes, the weather outside is so great! I will take a walk everyday, it’s should be a good time for thinking and plan about my future.</p>
<p>I tried to get a job in whole foods market near by, where I go shopping quite often. I just want an cashier job, and they don’t want me… Not complain, but a women like me, stay home mom for a long long time, seems hard to find a job. But I will keep on trying. Even thinly about to attend a training course, maybe something about cooking?</p>
<p>Start asking among your friends, family, church, or other groups you belong to if they know of any jobs available. Even if it isn’t the greatest job, it will get you out of the house and into a better state of mind. </p>
<p>May I ask if you have had the locks changed at your home? You don’t want to come back and find your husband there.</p>
<p>If you are in Texas, are you near Houston? Huge Chinese community there. May be able to network through religious organizations there to get you some training to get back into the job market to support yourself. </p>
<p>Local unemployment office may be able to assist you in finding training programs. My sister was laid off years ago and found a free computer training course at the local Job Works center. Local YMCA centers sometimes offer these courses as well.</p>
<p>Wishing you much luck and keeping you in my prayers.</p>
<p>Thank you eveybody!</p>
<p>I just came home from grocery shopping with my D and found there are realtor and one buyer inside our home.</p>
<p>Mad, angry…</p>
<p>We haven’t sign the paper, although we agree he is the one to sell the house and own everything inside the house, but without let me know, here are realtor and buyer!</p>
<p>I’m in my D’s room right now, she is not home. I did’t shot out but
I did say something, I think the realtor understood what happened.</p>
<p>So angry and so confused. Is it legal? I suddenly realized he already planned everything. That’s why last month he asked few times about how to handle my D’s toys, books, sports equipments in the basement. </p>
<p>I havve’t start anything about looking for a place to live. Before D’s graduation? Before she left for college? Where she can stay for the thanksgiving and X’mas? I realized I was too simple.</p>
<p>If you are near Austin or Houston, try to find Chinese Student Association. They are very helpful. We moved out of Austin long ago, can not help. I am sure you will find someone there speaking Chinese and can help you out.
Good luck and take care of your D.</p>
<p>You may google and check out the law in TX. Here is one site, for example.
[Texas</a> Divorce & Separation](<a href=“http://family-law.freeadvice.com/divorce_law/texas-divorce-seperation.htm]Texas”>http://family-law.freeadvice.com/divorce_law/texas-divorce-seperation.htm)</p>
<p>Make sure that you understand the law and thus your rights under the law.</p>
<p>Do you have a lawyer yet?</p>
<p>*although we agree he is the one to sell the house and own everything inside the house, but without let me know, here are realtor and buyer!</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>What?</p>
<p>Why is he considered the sole owner of the house and its contents? Is your lawyer aware of this?</p>
<p>I went to the banks and got the statements of our joint account for the past 7 years. I called IRS and got the last three years transcripts. I searched the house and found bank accounts info of the family joint accounts. What else I need to do to prepare for the fight? I felt like the bad women in soap opera… But, I’m doing the right thing, right?</p>
<p>something you need to think about are some of the things you want…and to have your attorney negotiate for them. For example, you have mentioned that you feel unemployable…perhaps you should have your attorney negotiate for your husband to pay for your education as a means toward you becoming more self-supporting and less dependent on him. He’s not going to change his spots over the coming years…it would be good for you to be in a position where you are not subject to his whims or largess.</p>
<p>Dont know what to say- but am wishing you the best.</p>
<p>I think I would have the locks changed</p>
<p>Don’t agree to <em>anything</em> else, BigBearMom, without running it past your attorney. Pull the ‘I’m too upset to think about this now’ line with your (soon-to-be ex) husband and give him no answers of any kind until you have spoken with your own attorney. Certainly don’t sign anything until it’s been looked at by your attorney. </p>
<p>You are totally doing the right thing in discovering what assets your husband may be hiding. Make copies and do not keep them in the house. Give them to a friend or get your own safety deposit box at the bank. Make sure that you make a list of what you own yourself (jewelry, anything you have from your own family, etc.) and be sure to list anything he may have put in your name for tax purposes. If your name is on it, including the house, make sure the lawyer knows it. (Does your husband own his business? Are you on any of the paperwork?) </p>
<p>It’s stressful and you will be tempted to give in just to get things over with. But think of your daughter and fight for you both. If he promises to pay for her college, make it as binding as possible. People tend to forget their obligations when they divorce. It is hard to change from thinking your marriage is solid to viewing your spouse as ‘the enemy’ but he made that choice when he treated you so badly.</p>
<p>I have to make another deposit to lawyer. It’s so expensive. Although now I’m still using his account, but I’m so worry, how long the divorce will take?
Because his hidden accounts and money he spent for his girl friend (a lot, bought a house for her), my lawyer mentioned about forensics accountant.<br>
How long will this take?</p>
<p>The more he is hiding, the more important it is for your attorney to dig up all his assets so you will get a fair amount so you can start your new life. It is to his benefit to drag this out and make you want to just settle for any small amount he is willing to offer. It is in your benefit to be patient and try to get the judge to have him reimburse for attorneys fees and pay you something while this process is going on, for temporary support and vocational training. Ask your attorney about this.</p>
<p>You need to be tenacious and not be as worried about how long it takes, you need to make sure your attorney uncovers what is there. Don’t get so worn down that you just accept any old offer.</p>
<p>Also, I know that you have been job hunting. Have you asked your attorney if this is a good idea? You want to be careful that by working NOW, you aren’t making it easier for your husband to prove you don’t need alimony etc. Once divorced, you can get a job.</p>
<p>I agree with making sure your attorney gets you ongoing funds for now that can be used for your needs.</p>
<p>Does he have access to the computer you use? If so, you need to password protect it. NOW.</p>
<p>I got the jobs but I didn’t go. My lawyer told me it’s better to wait until the case closed.<br>
And there is one good news, with some help from my friends, ex H start to talk about the women. He said he did gave her money for buying the house, the money is from his family joint account. Because D is going to college, didn’t get much FA, so he has to ask the women to return the money very soon. This really make her angry and un-secure about the relationship. Now, ex H felt pressure from her. She called almost every two hours (according to ex H), asking for lunch/dinner together. Before, she said she is not looking for marriage, just want an steady relation, but now, she is so un-secure and mentioned about marriage. She wants me to sign the paper before this weekend. Well, who is she, why should I follow her instruction to sign the paper? But I feel so happy recently, I enjoy to watch ex H worry, and enjoy to hear about that women’s reaction.</p>
<p>Lawyer told me it’s ok to hold the paper, although court will ask for conference exT, but because I will leave for a trip next week, this is the excuse to hold everything until end of July (at least). I’m calm now, everyday, I spend time to think about my future. No matter how much money I will get, I have confidence I will live well and happier. </p>
<p>I didn’t mean to make them break up or argue, but I really enjoy watching it.</p>
<p>I enjoy hearing about your happiness! Hah! Good to hear of something going your way in a positive direction.</p>
<p>Good job following your lawyer’s advice! Stay calm and enjoy your trip.</p>