<p>Owen, these things happen more often than folks would think. Even in homes where the marriage is intact. When my son was treated for leukemia, there was a big debate as to whether he should get cranial radiation or not. His protocol called for it but the doctors felt in his case, it should be omitted and replaced with IT treatments. My very strong feelings were to do the radiation because that virtually guarantees that no central nervous system relapse would occur. My husband did not agree at all. We were totally at odds about this during an already stressful time.</p>
<p>Both of us love our son and each other. But we both felt strongly about our stances. When a decision was finally made, one of us swallowed the objections and feelings and joined forces so that our son’s recovery was as smooth as possible.</p>
<p>We were on our way to Norfolk to see Nuss for consideration. Our pediatric cardiologist who was doing the extensive testing that you know is required for consideration at their facility gave us a referral to the head of pediatric surgery at JHU who is a cardiothorasic surgeon. We went as a consult but were so comfortable, could get the procedure 6months earlier, and the travel was less.</p>
<p>Nuss has done so much to bring new procedures to people with PE/PC. He realized that while the Nuss procedure was an awesome alternative to the Ravich, it was not right for all people… so he went to work and refind the modified Ravich you will have. Your health overall will be much improved. The procedure is not a vacation, but you will be so glad and will not believe when you wake up and see the difference!</p>
<p>Regarding traveling, did the representative at the hospital give you an idea of the initial time you should not move? I can’t imagine that they would want you to move at the VERY least for a week after returning from the hospital. Just being in the car is painful. No driving … not even in the front seat. If the airbag goes off on the passenger side that is not a good thing for you. If you look online at Nuss’s website there should be a ‘what to expect after surgery’ or ‘patient restrictions’. At least there used to be. Printing these out and reviewing them with your parents… or send a link via email… might help to open communication. I learned so much from their site.</p>
<p>I will say that you will sleep much better in a recliner, with a footstool at the end if you are tall This keeps you elevated and secure so you don’t roll. My son was so worried about sleeping on his back. This turned out to be great. He slept this way for over two months. If you have one available at both parents you are going to be so much more comfortable.</p>
<p>I do agree with cptofthehouse. My husband & I were both at the hospital for the week and home for several after that (Winter Holiday & his dad was able to take medical leave). We did not agree on everything and it was not easy. We were stressed, tired, worried, on different sleep schedules, etc. It is not easy for even the best of marriages and closest of families.</p>
<p>Once your exams are over and you are on your way for the surgery you will strangely feel a since of relief. I will watch for your updates.</p>
<p>It may help to understand that part of the reason why your mom is reacting so emotionally to the conflict with your dad is that she is already stressed because you are going to have surgery. Your dad may also have similar feelings.</p>
<p>This is not your fault. It is not anybody’s fault. There seems to be some sort of basic instinct that leads many parents to resist the idea of letting a doctor mess with their kid. This feeling can be very strong for some parents, even when they know that a particular surgery is a very good idea. In fact, many parents would find it easier, psychologically, to have the surgery themselves because that instinctive negative reaction wouldn’t be there. </p>
<p>So part of the problem may be that your mom is fighting nature (and maybe your dad is, too). But this will only last until the surgery starts. After that, the stress of letting you have the surgery will be over, and your mom will get to do what moms do best – making arrangements, planning things, and providing practical help. This is what moms do; your mom is just going to do more of it during your recovery period, when things are going to be complicated and unfamiliar. And she will be better able to cope with the issues with your dad at that time.</p>
<p>^I am looking forward to getting the first week of recovery over (or at least the part I will be conscious for). My mom has gotten me a set of PJs (a pair of PJs? something to that extent), she also has gotten my favorite movies arranged, and she has arranged much of what will go on when I am with her. She will be taking medical leave. Something tells me that my father does not know the extent to which his role will be needed. I suppose he will find out when we have the pre-op discussion. I have told him that it will be intensive care, but I don’t think he believes me. I will definitely keep this thread up-to-date to the best of my abilities post-op.</p>
Please ask your parents to support YOU during this difficult time by cooperating with one another and making decisions on what is best for YOU, and not what is best for THEM.</p>
<p>I am sorry but your parents sound very selfish and immature in the way they have handled their custody dispute. I split from my ex-husband when my kids were age 12 & 7 – and we also had a joint custody arrangement, but we never saw the schedule as cast in stone. We worked together to make adjustments, and when our kids were teenagers we let them call the shots. Both of my kids eventually decided they did not want overnights at their dad’s house any more, probably around the age of 14 or 15 – and he was happy to respect their wishes. It probably was simply a fact that they had their own bedrooms at my house and were at an age where they wanted more privacy. </p>
<p>But the point is – as our kids grew older we gave them more and more autonomy. </p>
<p>Since your parents live near each other, I really think it would be best if you had one primary place to stay for recuperation – and if the parent who lived there would be cooperative in letting the other parent have access. The primary place should be whichever house you feel more comfortable in, and which has better facilities for you – I mean, little things like the distance from where you sleep to the bathroom or whether the house has stairs could seem like huge obstacles in the first few days or weeks as you recover. </p>
<p>I’m sorry because I know that the opinion of a stranger on the internet isn’t going to change your parent’s behavior – but my kids have thanked me again and again over the years because of the effort I made to get along with their father, and our mutual success in avoiding putting them in the middle of a battle. Even if we had been fighting (and we certainly did at the beginning), I know we would have come together if either of our kids had a serious medical issue requiring specialized care or surgery.</p>
<p>Actually, they are bound by it but you are not. Now that you’re 17, a judge would certainly give more weight to your preferences but it rarely gets that far. I know many joint custody kids who simply refused to continue the back and forth once they were teenagers and settled in the household that they felt most comfortable in (usually the parent who “nagged” less). </p>
<p>It sounds as if both of your parents love you very much but this the time for them to put aside their personal feelings and create a stress-free, supportive environment. If you aren’t confident you’ll get excellent care in both homes or about your ability to travel back and forth, I think you are well within your rights to take the bull by the horns and make this choice for yourself and your health. It might be better to simply make it clear to both parents that, for the duration of your recovery, you will be staying in one place. If asked, I’m sure your doctor would lend his support to this, so have a conversation or email him. Good luck!</p>
<p>Owen, best wishes for a speedy recovery! When are well enough to type, let us know how your doing.I realize that it will take time. I will be thinking about you!</p>
<p>The surgery took 7 hours (3 more than planned). They removed 10 ribs and unfortunately had to place a bar in to properly correct it. My parents are doing well. They are alternating nights to stay with me in the hospital, and both are with me during the day. I finished my three days of physical therapy within 18 hours of the operation. I am still a bit tired and weak. I am napping regularly. I will be able to answer any questions when my dad returns with his iPhone.</p>
<p>Thank you for your wishes and positive thoughts.</p>
<p>Thank you for posting this update – we were all pulling for you and much relieved to know that you have come through the surgery and are on the road to recovery.</p>
<p>Now… REST! (I’m sure we can all wait for details until you are feeling better. We understand that the recovery process can take awhile).</p>
… not even in the front seat. If the airbag goes off on the passenger side that is not a good thing for you. If you look online at Nuss’s website there should be a ‘what to expect after surgery’ or ‘patient restrictions’. At least there used to be. Printing these out and reviewing them with your parents… or send a link via email… might help to open communication. I learned so much from their site.</p>
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