Do all men, or could, potentially cheat?

Parent Cafe
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<p>*Unless, we are talking about married men fooling around with someone of the same sex (which no doubt happens in some small percentage of cases), then these 10% of women must be doing double duty in order to boost the men’s numbers up to 20%. *</p>

<p>NO. Because often married men cheat with women who aren’t married. To further illustrate, you can have 100% of married men cheating, and 0% of married women cheating. (of course, that is not the case. I’m exaggerating to show how you can have extremely different numbers. ) </p>

<p>BTW…the number of married women cheating has risen as women have entered/stayed in the workforce. In the day when moms stayed home, and dad worked, less moms cheated. I’m not advocating a return to moms not working; I’m just stating what has contributed to the change.</p>

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<p>Of course, if there weren’t women out there fooling around with married men, married men wouldn’t be able to cheat, right? In my former workplace cheating was rampant, and these “girls” had no problem fooling around with whoever showed them attention. Have to say it made it more uncomfortable for me when married guys would come on to me, so I’d say, “I’m not available tonight but your wife probably is!” haha</p>

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<p>A wise friend told me once </p>

<p>“A man (or should I say husband ?) is as faithful as his options” </p>

<p>I am sorry morrismm, I hope your sis take the scoundrel to the cleaners. </p>

<p>And I hope the h and the fake blonde have 5 kids and he would spend the rest of his life working like a dog to support them and then find out some of them are not his. </p>

<p>(sorry, I am evil like that)</p>

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<p>Munchkin-- you crack me up. :p</p>

<p>Once, when our kids were small, H and I were on vacation at a resort in Hawaii. It was a family kind of place and there were other families and there were a couple of guys who looked like grandfathers, but they were with thier own little kids. They were exhausted, just looked like they wanted to die. Karma.</p>

<p>H was laughing. “I would NOT want to be that age with little kids.”</p>

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<p>It comes down to what the marriage is based upon. If it was sexual attraction or “s/he makes ME happy” then cheating can certainly happen. If it was instead based on “I CARE about this person profoundly. I cannot be happy unless I know that they are also happy” then unfaithfulness is not very probable.</p>

<p>In other words, beyond physical attraction or someone giving you a lot of entertainment, it is about actually caring deeply for another person’s well-being. If you have that, then you have a good chance for a successful marriage.</p>

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<p>I guess it depends on how you define “cheating.” Assuming she hasn’t been tricked and thus knows the man is married, I’d consider the unmarried woman to be an equal partner in the cheating. Thus the number of cheaters between the sexes remains equal.</p>

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<p>morrismm…sorry for the sad and sour situation. I’m sad too in reading what your sister and her kids have to go through.</p>

<p>Thirty years of marriage and then a menopausal man ruined with a vile, despicable, and destructive behavior.</p>

<p>I will advise her to get a lawyer as soon as she can and do not feel pity of this man who couldn’t stick to his vows of preserving the sacred marriage! Every state has their different laws about alimony and division of property…so she should get legal help immediately.
-You are with her for moral support and that is great!</p>

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<p>munchkin- I heard that as part of a Chris Rock routine.</p>

<p>The sad thing is that young women need to protect themselves from this behavior. My wife stayed home to raise our daughter it clearly has had a positive impact on our daughter and a negative impact on my wife’s career opportunities. I would fully expect my wife to dump me if I cheated. The sad thing is financially she would have a much harder time than me.</p>

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<p>Coureur, the number of cheaters remains equal, but i think the conversation is about “married cheaters.” Actually, I have zero respect for someone who fools around with someone who is married, but I’m not sure the term for that is cheating. Be that as it may, there can definitely be more married cheaters of one gender than the other, and i would guess there is. </p>

<p>And I agree with sewbusy’s comment above.</p>

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<p>I would have to agree with the person above who said men and women both cheat, but men get caught more. I know it’s just anecdotal, but that’s what I notice. I’ve also noticed men seem more likely to throw an entire life away to be public with the new woman, whereas cheating women seem to keep it in the realm of secrecy. </p>

<p>I also don’t remember where, but I thought I saw some self-reported numbers WAY higher than the ones being discussed in this thread. <em>looks them up</em></p>

<p>“Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (Atwood & Schwartz, 2002 - Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy)” </p>

<p>I don’t know if that’s true, but it sounds true to me. And then there are all the people who cheat on “mere” girlfriends and boyfriends.</p>

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<p>Whether the woman cavorting with the married man is married herself or not…still think women like that are incredibly sleazy if not technically an “adulteress”. I went on a date with a fellow I met through work, and in the middle of drinks he told me that he was married…sort of…separated but living in the same house. I stood up and walked out. Psst that he’d led me to believe that he was available.</p>

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<p>*Of course, if there weren’t women out there fooling around with married men, married men wouldn’t be able to cheat, right? In my former workplace cheating was rampant, and these “girls” had no problem fooling around with whoever showed them attention. *</p>

<p>Not saying this isnit true- but people do lie about their marital status and/or quality of marriage.

  • my wife doesn’t understand me* is an old cliche.</p>

<p>But IMO, a real man will try couples therapy- trial separation or personal counseling to address the problems in his marriage/self instead of pretending that the problems are with his partner and simply finding a diversion to his mid life crisis.</p>

<p>Our culture has made men much more work- oriented than women. They often get a lot of their satisfaction/worth from their career- they may feel that it is the most important thing about them- They often get a lot of recognition, + money for how they spend the bulk of their days. It shouldn’t surprising that it is easy to fall into love/lust with someone who only sees that side of you- the side that is successful and reinforces what you like about yourself.</p>

<p>The more successful they are, the more time they choose to /have to spend at work. Then the less time they are able to explore other parts of themselves and their relationship with their partner/family and their community. Work is who they are.</p>

<p>While some women may deceive themselves about a man’s availability, some women might consciously choose someone who is unavailable, because they don’t want to deal with an actual partner who would place more demands on them.</p>

<p>My own mother was this way- my father died when she was 39, and while she was busy working and raising my younger brother and sister ( I was 17 and out of the house), she selected men to date that were not interested in marriage and were much more lighthearted than my father had been.</p>

<p>Later, she had a long time relationship with a married man, that none of her kids approved of, ( although she eventually broke it off), but I had the impression, that while I personally couldn’t stand the guy even if he wasn’t married, she preferred it, because she could keep him at a distance.</p>

<p>I have known men who divorce ( while their kids are young) only to marry someone who resembles ( from my casual observation) their spouse. In some cases the women are so similar that they even become friends ( they have a common enemy as well :wink: ).</p>

<p>The thing that is saddest & makes me angriest, is the behavior of men to ignore the kids from their first family- but has a better relationship with his new family. :p</p>

<p>However- as the kids of the BIL of the OP are grown, that doesn’t seem as much of an issue- but I have also read, that children of parents who divorce when they are adults, can have at least as hard of a time, as when parents divorce earlier because they feel like the family of their childhood has vanished and they can’t get grounded.</p>

<p>I am sorry that anyone chooses to change their life in such a messy way, but people are pretty resilient- and IMO, women are also better at change.</p>

<p>After she gets a good lawyer- I have heard good things about the books Kristin Armstrong wrote about her growth through her own divorce.
[Rachael</a> Ray Show - On the Show - Kristin Armstrong on Surviving Divorce](<a href=“http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/segments/view/kristin-armstrong-on-surviving-divorce/]Rachael”>http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/segments/view/kristin-armstrong-on-surviving-divorce/)</p>

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<p>I’d consider the unmarried woman to be an equal partner in the cheating.</p>

<p>I consider unmarried people involved with a married person as doing something evil, but it doesn’t come under the heading of “cheating.” The single person is doing something that is morally wrong, but is not violating any vows…hence not “cheating.”</p>

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<p>I don’t get it when women who have an affair with a man they KNOW is married blame the man when it goes bad. Tiger Wood’s mistresses? I have zero sympathy for them. I don’t care what he told them. They KNEW he was married. Until he is no longer married - at the very least, LEGALLY separated - tell him to take a hike. </p>

<p>No, they were technically not “cheating.” But the ones who try to make themselves out as victims? The ones demanding an apology from him? No. They knew what they were getting into.</p>

<p>Same with John Edward’s mistress, etc.</p>

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<p>totally agree, Lafalum.</p>

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<p>“Wife doesn’t understand me” is SO old
So is “He got me drunk”.
Both should be laughable nowadays, yet we sometimes still hear it.</p>

<p>But to the OP- not to justify the hub’s actions, but only to address one small part of your post…
20 yrs younger, fake hair, fake boobs… This seems a bit of (very justifiable) sour grapes. Many women today wear eye make-up to accent the beauty of the eye,
may color their hair, apply products for longer, thicker eyelashes,
wear a good fitting bra, sometimes with lift or padding for a youthful appearance,
wear a pleasant, attractive scent,
many are careful about their diet- not just for health reason, but also for the physical beauty that is often associated with being slimmer and fit.
Many wear taller heels to flatter the curve of the calf, buttocks, and straighten the posture.
Not to say these are good, bad, necessary, etc., but just to point that they exist. We don’t refer to women as “fake” that use these fashion choices, though we may know the true color of her eyelid isn’t smoky purple. The reasoning behind those that choose breast aug to enhance their physical beauty are no different than those who make the choice to enhance their physical beauty with the more common examples above imo. Must we say for a woman NOT to be fake, that she must go without make-up or lip color, go braless and wear flats? Similar for dyeing one’s hair blond. I believe some may see it as attractive physically, as it is less common than darker colors, but it is also more than that. It shows a desire to be noticed, and I think that is reflective of an outgoing personality. A woman doesn’t go blond so she can hide in the woodwork. That outgoing and confident aspect of her personality can be attractive. The Op’s perspective referring to the new woman’s physical attributes seem to be that such a look should be “beneath” the doctor’s dignity. Here again, not to be perceived as an excuse for the behavior, only to address the one small aspect of the Op. Op might have described her as a young blond with a knockout figure, but didn’t. Both descriptions may be accurate, but one is flattering, one is not.
I see though, that finding fault in the new woman’s physical characteristics gives some degree of comfort to the wronged party. No matter how a 50 yr old person watches his or her diet and clothes, he/she cannot be 21 again(an example). When it comes to physical beauty, 21 is an advantage over 50(example). By no means is physical beauty the only thing, but don’t we all agree that as of today, Charlize Theron is prettier than Candice Bergen? Yet many might feel that Candy Bergen was prettier when she was at Charlize’s age.</p>

<p>Final reminder to all: I was ONLY addressing how OP characterized the other woman physically. I realize there are many other issues/aspects that Op and her sister, and the hub must address.</p>

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<p>Seems like a distinction without a difference. The single person is still subverting someone else’s vows. Like I said, it depends on how you define cheating. Saying the unmarried cheater isn’t really cheating seems like letting them off on a technicality.</p>

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<p>Her “outgoing and confident personality” worked. She went after, and got, the rich doctor. Her fake, blonde hair and fake mammary glands and young knockout body probably didn’t hurt either. She probably moves pretty well since she apparently worked as a pole dancer while attending x-ray technician school. And she has two kids from two different men. I wonder if BIL will pay for their college tuition. </p>

<p>My BIL traded in the old work horse for a new filly. Better description?</p>

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<p>*Seems like a distinction without a difference. The single person is still subverting someone else’s vows. Like I said, it depends on how you define cheating. Saying the unmarried cheater isn’t really cheating seems like letting them off on a technicality. *</p>

<p>I’m not letting anyone off the hook. The single woman who has an affair with a married man is just as low as he is. She’s a no-good tramp that deserves no respect (assuming that she knew he was married.) My point is that a single person isn’t going to get counted in the “cheating” column.</p>

<p>When these surveys are done, they don’t survey singles…they survey **married **people. That’s why you’ll get results where a higher % of men cheat than women.</p>

<p>I think you mentioned the possibility of men cheating with other men which skewed the numbers. Not to side-track the thread, but how come when a spouse cheats with a member of his/her own sex, people are less critical of the cheating spouse? When my friend’s husband of 20 years left her and their 3 kids for another man, he didn’t get the “jerk” label that a man would get if he left his wife for another woman? Cheating is cheating. Leaving a spouse for another person is just as wrong - no matter the persuasion. If the person realizes that he’s/she’s gay/lesbian, then either stay in the marriage or divorce…but don’t cheat and abandon.</p>

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<p>wonder what will happen when newbie finds she’s not so enamored with the old work horse she’s getting…perhaps she’s used to those young studs she encountered while pole dancing. perhaps she’ll find a young un of her own on the side.</p>