<p>Morrismm, you know what they say… when a man marries his mistress, that leaves a job opening. </p>
<p>Why a woman would marry a man who she knows cheats (because he cheated with her) is beyond me. If he did it to her, honey, he’ll do it to you.</p>
<p>Anytime an older 50ish man marries a woman half his age, you know this can’t possibly last very long. You can do very simple math to understand why.</p>
<p>When he is 65, she will be 35.
When he is 75, she will be 45.</p>
<p>There is such a huge gap intellectually, in maturity, in outlook on life, and in their libido. Ten years down the line, I would bet he will be single again and she will have taken half his money and run off with a younger man! I don’t know why men don’t get it.</p>
<p>Met my hubby’s old school friend today. In his case, his wife cheated and therefore they got a divorce. This 55 yr old man came to visit us today with a 25 yr old new wife! They are as misfit as Gandhi with Paris Hilton. What makes it worse is that the guy’s son is about the same age as his new Stepmom! Not a healthy situation at all. I give such marriages no more than 5-6 years… it’s a countdown to alimony time. Why don’t the guys get it?</p>
<p>I think because women tend to make decisions with their brains while men let their areas below the belt drive decision-making.</p>
<p>Ok, we won’t use the term “adulteress” or “cheater” for single women with married guys. Yep, I highly prefer the term “homewrecker”. They are one of the lowest rungs on the evolutionary ladder. I’m not even talking about those who were led astray by the husband’s excuses or lies. I’m talking about trash who are well aware the guy is married and has little kids and goes forward gung-ho anyway.</p>
<p>From an evolutionary point of view, the older man leaving his wife of the same age for a younger woman makes some sort of sense. His wife cannot produce more offspring; the younger woman can. And the younger woman is getting a proven product – a guy who has successfully raised a family already.</p>
<p>I’m not saying it’s morally right or that it’s acceptable in our society, just that it may be biologically right if the man is still young enough so that he can be expected to continue to earn a living while his younger wife is raising her children. The net result is that he produces more offspring in the next generation – and that’s what it’s all about, biologically.</p>
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<p>Right. The rule of thumb is half your age plus seven.</p>
<p>Marian–Sure, except society is rearing children, not raising livestock. Strictly biologically speaking, yes, you are correct. If we want to follow that line of thinking, we might was well just collect sperm from the best bulls/boars/bucks and AI the best genetic cows/gilts/does.</p>
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General Social Survey has about ~12% for women and ~25% for men. Sounds like there is some bit differences in the data.</p>
<p>I like what Munchkin said; a man is as faithful has his options. I don’t believe men get married to live happily ever after with the same woman nor because they want to father children and watch them grow up. I think they settle down because they get tired of the single life; they want to be looked after, they like the idea of sex on tap and because that’s what people do. Years later after children, life’s stresses, financial obligations, aging and approaching mortality have worn them down, a mistress who has none of this baggage and is young and nubile is just the ticket for his worn out self esteem. It’s easy to become bitter because of the betrayal and for the hurt caused to children. One father I know when the matter of what it has meant to the children, said it’s none of their business. There’s a difference in thinking that once again reminds me that we men and women are not the same.</p>
<p>nat- that man is a selfish bast@@@. That is not all men.</p>
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<p>I guess that is what I am asking? Again this is not meant to be a man bashing thread. But would most men, if the situation presented itself, cheat? Are we being unrealistic to think it is not going to happen?</p>
<p>It seems the ones that make it to the news cover a full spectrum–liberal, conservative, republican, democrat, religious or not, family man, athlete, actor, politician, etc, etc.</p>
<p>Here is why I would not cheat- I respect myself to much. I respect my wife to much. I respect my daughter to much. I respect my parents to much. I respect my siblings to much. I would not want to explain to any of them why I let them down.
Yes sometimes it is flattering when someone flirts with me but guess what if you carry yourself appropriately and behave in the appropriate manner they get the message.</p>
<p>The men cheaters in the news, whatever their politics, religion, or career, are men who wield great power. Do you think this carries over into other arenas of their life–cheating? That they have a sense of entitlement and being able to do whatever they want? That they do not have to play by the same rules as everyone else?</p>
<p>Do we know women in a similar position of power who are cheaters? I can’t think of any, surely I’m missing some. Yet, they certainly don’t seem as prevalent as the number of powerful men who are cheaters.</p>
<p>Not to say that there are not a lot of regular Joes doing this too. Ex and current H both employed in factories–one on the line; one in management. Factories are hotbeds for affairs. No flames for generalizing, but I’ve seen it over and over and over again in 25 years, at many factories. I wonder if other occupations are ripe too? Would be interesting to see those breakdowns! </p>
<p>Like some other posters, I’ve always wondered how if 50% of men cheat and 20% of women (picking #s I’ve seen), then are the same cheating women doing double-time? Cheating on the cheaters? How ironic…</p>
<p>The point about men in power cheating makes sense. When Bill Clinton was asked why he did it, he said, “For the worst possible reason. I did it because I could.”</p>
<p>I don’t want to hijack this thread, but I have to add to this conversation. You see, I am that betrayed spouse, the one with the husband of 24 years that has an affair with a much younger married co worker and leaves his wife, children and moves in with the new woman and her young kids. She couldn’t leave her husband quick enough- she won the prize. That big successful man. Quite the cliche, but unfortunately, it is my life. It is the life of way too many people as I have discovered. </p>
<p>I don’t know why people cheat. It is a question I ask myself every day. I don’t know of a spouse that has been cheated on that has that answer either. If you ask the H, he will tell you it was because I made him do it, I did not make him happy, I did not love him. It is amazing how many cheaters say the damn thing.</p>
<p>People cheat, whether a man or woman. It doesn’t matter what sex, religion, political affilation they are. I don’t think it has anything to do with biology, or trying to find something younger to procreate or anything to do with fidelity being a “modern” requirement in a marriage. People cheat because they can and ultimately because they want to. They want that “high,” that adoration, that fix. I truly believe that people cheat because there is something broken inside them. Either it is their values, their self-worth, their self-esteem, their integrity, or something else that is just not right. Being with someone else becomes exciting and validates their self worth and makes them feel good. Cheating is the ultimate selfish act. It is done for only the sake of the cheater without any regards to their spouse, their children, their family. </p>
<p>So anyone can cheat. Sad to say that, but it is true. As tom1944 just said, it comes down to respect. There is none in the cheater. </p>
<p>And what do I think of the affair partner? It does not matter if they are single or they are married, they are still cheaters. They know the other person is married. They don’t care and they don’t get a free pass on the cheating label just because they may be single. </p>
<p>OP, tell your sister to hire a lawyer. Hire one now. Even if she thinks reconciliation is possible, she needs to start now protecting herself. She needs to know what her rights are as far as support, health insurance, college tuition payments, retirement, etc… She needs to know legally what he can take from the house, who can withdraw funds from joint accounts, how the bills will be paid. I wish your sister the best. It is not going to be easy for her at all and she will need your support for a long time. PM me if you want.</p>
<p>Powerful post, mom2boys</p>
<p>mom2boys and others, this did not just happen to my sister. She has been dealing w/ it for awhile. She has a lawyer. </p>
<p>Her H made some bad financial decisions too, so she (they) lost the beautiful house they built and raised their kids in. So she is renting a small townhouse. She does get decent spousal support payments, but is also paying the student loans (or helping to) because she feels obligated. They (the parents) did say they would pay them. She is also living well below what she use to. </p>
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So does that mean if an occasion arises and he can, will he? I realize no one can definitively answer this, but still…</p>
<p>Not only powerful, but highly accurate, esp. “Cheating is the ultimate selfish act.”</p>
<p>OP-Second the advise to get a lawyer ASAP. Knowledge is power, even if she doesn’t need it right now. Whoever is a joint owner can <em>legally</em> withdraw ALL funds from any joint account. She needs to remove him as an authorized user from any credit cards for which she is the primary cardholder. See the other threads regarding the importance of explicitly including wording regarding college funding in a divorce decree. Those are just the tip of the iceberg. Seek legal cousel!</p>
<p>No, to answer the OPs original question, not all men cheat. There are many, many, who do not. I too survived being the betrayed spouse and am currently living the part where he will not help with college but is spoiling his 2 year old of his new family. Regardless of the crap and much lower financial status now, we are thriving as I knew my kids and I would be so much better off without him, even if we were broke and in a shack. My ex remarried immediately to a woman who loves spouting how great he is and what a wonderful man/father he is… she was SHOCKED when he cheated on her too. She’s decided to keep him and his wandering ways because they have such a small child but I am thrilled to be done with him (well as done as I can be with 3 kids together). I was blessed to marry a wonderful man who considers my kids his own and they adore him. Even though I experienced a louse, I truly believe my husband would not cheat, ever. There is a huge difference between them that makes that apparant. It’s too hard to explain but I have met men who would and men who you just know won’t so there are many good ones, they just aren’t the ones who make the news!</p>
<p>Here’s the thing. My BIL is one of those men–before–that everyone who knew him would have said he would never cheat. He and my sister talked about it and how despicable it was. He was a well respected physician who always took the moral high road. He adored his children. He was just a great family man and husband. What happened?</p>
<p>My sister also said
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<p>Did she think he would never cheat because he would not have the opportunity or even with the opportunity he would not cheat?</p>