Do all men, or could, potentially cheat?

Parent Cafe
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<p>The answer is probably yes, IMHO. Tom1944 and other dads that spoke up excepted of course. </p>

<p>Long time ago, my grandfather did something similar to my grandma. It was doubly devastating because at that time and place a woman generally do not have an independent means of earning money or an identity besides being wife. Grandma tried to kill herself. Mom was about 11. She told me she cursed her father then. She said many years later her curse came true. Grandpa died a deaf and blind man, his mistress and then wife burdened with his care for many years. </p>

<p>Since grandma brought me up I saw first hand how devastating it was to be treated that way. My beloved grandma died too young to see the decline of the adulterers.</p>

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<p>And what do morrismm’s nieces/nephews think of their father? What do mom2boys’ children think of theirs? How can a parent allow himself (or herself) to hurt their children by cheating, however frustrated or angry or bored they may be with a spouse?

Probably needs to say that in order to live with himself. I don’t know how you’d face a child, especially one old enough to recognize infidelity, after betraying the other parent that way.</p>

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<p>I can’t pretend to have first hand experience with this, but I think I can find anecdotal stories from my family to support any of the viewpoints about a man’s propensity to cheat versus a woman’s. Just looking at my dad and his three brothers, they fall into different categories:</p>

<p>His fraternal twin cheated on his wife, not with a specific partner but random women from the bar. Rather troublesome is the fact that he contracted herpes and gave it to her. Yikes. They divorced for several years and eventually remarried.</p>

<p>Two of my dad’s brothers are actually on the other side of the spectrum, one twice. His younger brother’s wife left him for another man when they had three daughters. His older brother was married to a woman with whom he has a daughter. She cheated on him and it caused them to divorce. Then, he remarried a (significantly) younger, blonde woman while his daughter was a young teen. The marriage was okay for a while, until she (emotionally) cheated on him and left him for a man at her church.</p>

<p>Then, looking at my dad, after 22 years with my mom, he’s still totally devoted to her. I’ve honestly never heard him make even so much as a comment about another woman, and he has often made statements in our own private conversations about how if mom left him, he didn’t think he’d ever be with anyone else. My parents actually have never been married, though my dad did propose several times. There has never really been anything legal preventing him from walking away at any point, but he’s always stuck around, even during some (really) bad times. </p>

<p>I wonder if being largely abandoned by their father and raised by a single mom is in any part an explanation for the seemingly reversed trends on my dad’s side of the family. The only exception of the four was quite literally dropped on his head as an infant. (This is a guy who pulled out his own tooth with a pair of pliers, only to find he had a piece of popcorn stuck in a different tooth, which was causing the pain.)</p>

<p>One thing I have noticed is that women seem to have “reasons” for cheating that, for reasons I don’t understand, are accepted by other people. After my uncle’s second wife left him, his father and step mom refused to speak to him because they had become good friends with his ex-wife’s parents, and she had spun the story to make it look like it was all his fault.</p>

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<p>The boys have a very uneven relationship with their dad. He is their dad and they still love him but they hate what he has done. They don’t talk to him that much. Probably once or twice a month or so and then their conversations tend to be rather superficial. When they are home, they may meet for dinner and movie occasionally but that is it. When youngest DS was home for spring break, dad spent a whole 2 hours with him. When they see him, they are fine, but they don’t go out of their way to do things with him. They refuse to meet the other woman and will not go to his house if she is there. They have lost respect for him and they have told me that. They cannot understand why he did what he did. </p>

<p>For them, he betrayed them too. He broke up their family. I don’t believe they have forgiven him yet. If they have, they don’t act like it. </p>

<p>If you ask their dad, he will swear that he has a good relationship with them. Yeah right, on the surface maybe…</p>

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<p>I would assume that for many men and women, it would take an incredibly unusual circumstance and unrealistic to cheat - such as an incredibly hot person coming onto an average joe.</p>

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<p>I think that buying a cool sports car is much cheaper than getting new wife.</p>

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<p>If you saw this other woman, you wouldn’t call her an incredibly hot person. Just the opposite! Not that she is a “dog” but she is rather average. Several people have said that she is not attractive at all. I have no idea what he saw in her.</p>

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<p>My H says I can cheat on him with George Clooney if I ever have the opportunity! :slight_smile: Yeah, the IF says it all, doesn’t it …</p>

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<p>If Governor Sanford is any example, she fills a whole in his soul.</p>

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<p>morrismom, I’m so sorry for your sister. Sorry for the others of you who have been on the receiving end of this.</p>

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<p>Assuming most people are selfish, then most will cheat if tempted. But I think opportunity is much greater for the most attractive - the most beautiful, wealthy, powerful, etc. So maybe ‘most’ in numerical terms would not cheat. There are good people who would never cheat, there are people who won’t get the opportunity i.e. won’t seek it out, then there are cheaters.</p>

<p>Why someone with an orthopedics’s surgery practice, successful enough to entice a mistress, force his 3 kids to take out college loans? Was that a character defect alert?</p>

<p>Oink.</p>

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<p>I’ve been married > 30 years, not cheated and have no intention of cheating.</p>

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<p>To DocT–good for you. Hope you stay true.</p>

<p>To Treetopleaf–" If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life</p>

<p>Never make a pretty women your wife
Go for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you"</p>

<p>Am I dating myself??</p>

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<p>31 years here, plenty of opportunities if I were so inclined…in this town wearing a wedding ring can get you more offers than not wearing one as sick as that may seem…but always have felt there was never enough to be gained and far too much to lose… I haven’t met anyone yet that I am willing to lose my family over…don’t think I ever will.</p>

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<p>*One father I know when the matter of what it has meant to the children, said it’s none of their business. *</p>

<p>Such a man is in denial. He may insist that it’s not their business, but it’s their family that has gotten broken up and they have every right to have an opinion about it.</p>

<p>I think such people have never really bonded with their children. </p>

<p>I’ve often wondered how any cheaters can face their families and their friends. Maybe because as a society we don’t hold people accountable anymore. Cheaters are still welcome members of families and societies. IF the people knew that their loved ones (children, parents, siblings, etc) would cut them out of their lives, I think many (not all) would think twice. </p>

<p>However, in the current state of society, the cheater only risks losing his/her spouse and in-laws. Everyone else looks the other way. Sad.</p>

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<p>I don’t think every married man would cheat, but I do think every married man is vulnerable. Some just have higher walls on their fortress.</p>

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<p>I haven’t met anyone yet that I am willing to lose my family over…don’t think I ever will. </p>

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<p>This is the key, IMO. I have always been honest with my kids, telling them that there are billions of people on this earth. There is bound to be more than just one person on earth they might fall for … and it can happen at any time … but once they have made a vow to commit themselves to someone, they need to realize that any move to explore a relationship with someone who interests them will jeopardize their marriage. They know that married people simply cannot do that. If they are unhappy being married, they can consider divorce if that seems the prudent move … but they should not consider divorce because of someone they meet while married. That’s just wrong.</p>

<p>Just my two cents. It seems to have sunk in, as both kids were disappointed in an adult in their lives (no, not me or my H!) who left her husband for another man.</p>

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<p>Anyone with a pulse has the ability to cheat. </p>

<p>I honestly don’t know too many people who have broken up over cheating. Cheating is a HUGE thing in my family. My grandparents on my mum’s side were together since their teens and didn’t stray. My mum and dad have been together for 20 years and my dad is the type of guy who would rather come home and play monopoly with his family than go out for a beer with the guys (really, he does this on a regular basis lol). </p>

<p>My fiance’s had a terrible life growing up because his dad would bounce from woman to woman leaving shattered lives in his wake. I couldn’t see him cheating on me because, quite frankly, he feels bad for not calling to tell me he was going to his friend’s house. I don’t know how he would live with having another girlfriend!</p>

<p>Look, there are bad men and bad women. But there are always good men and women out there. Don’t give up on love!</p>

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<p>Not always. My dad’s cousin cheated and broke up his family. Everyone has since cut ties with him. My sister is a known serial dater and cheater (although, she hasn’t been married since she was 18 and her husband died in Iraq. She never cheated on him.) and she isn’t really welcomed in the family. Like I said, cheating is a HUGE no-no in my family.</p>

<p>Cheaters are lower than filth IMO.</p>

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<p>Agree with romani, anyone has the ability to cheat. Most people don’t.</p>

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<p>There’s been a lot of discussions in the past about “office spouses.” These are situations where married “straight” employees of the opposite sex are very chummy and spend a lot of time together - going to lunch, taking breaks together, going out for drinks, etc. </p>

<p>Some argue that these friendships are fine, and maybe they are in some cases. It just seems to me that these are the relationships that can “cross the line” when one or both parties happen to be in a vulnerable place in their marriage (during a “low” cycle). Every marriage has “low” cycles and when one or both people in a close office friendship are in a low cycle, it would seem like a big opportunity to cheat. Thoughts?</p>

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<p>So much depends on the individual. I believe many see the office folks more as “family” or sibs and “crossing the line” with one of them would be like “incest.” It definitely complicates lives of everyone when people combine romance at the workplace, especially when there is a breakup or allegations of sexual harassment.</p>

<p>There always have been and always will be opportunities, just depends on the individuals as to what they decide to do about them. For most of us, there is just too much to lose and not much to be gained by the excitement of an affair–would never hurt my family & kids for the world & I know hubby feels the same way.</p>

<p>I also believe that there is more than “one” in the world that would be a match for any individual, but that isn’t a good reason to have multiple affairs. It is just so destructive.</p>