<p>Do all of your children have similar intellectual abilities and study habits?</p>
<p>Big smile. I have one kid who tests in the highly gifted range. The other one is quite normal. Guess who has better grades? Guess who has better study habits? </p>
<p>My kids are as different intellectually, academically and socially as night and day. </p>
<p>And most of my friends report the same. </p>
<p>It’s nature’s little joke on parents: raising children is never what you expect.</p>
<p>Oh, my goodness no!</p>
<p>Oldest son: very intelligent and creative. NOT disciplined at all in school but made great grades any way…is now an incredible HS english teacher and LOVES it (and can spot “lazy students” like he was in a heartbeat! Makes me smile);</p>
<p>Second son: also very intelligent, though not off the wall creative and probably not as academically gifted as son #1; but he studied more and made slightly better grades. He is now a professional musician and part-time consultant for an on-line company.</p>
<p>Daughter (#3 child): also, of course 
, very intelligent though not identified by our school system as “gifted” until HS (her brothers were admitted into that program in elementary and middle school, respectively). Yet this is my over-achiever who studies almost non-stop and has had the most academic “success”. She would NEVER consider just not doing a homework assignment (as her brothers did )…most definitely a “rule follower”. </p>
<p>They are each, of course, wonderful and they are each so proud of each other. They are SOOOO DIFFERENT, though!!!</p>
<p>We were just discussing this the other day…have 2 children who are similar intellectually but so different in study habits and have been since elementary school. Older D is now 24 and in 3rd year of Grad School PhD.Shes been a planner from day 1,could always prioritize and not procrastinate.
S is a soph in college and gets great grades and tests superbly but procrastinates like crazy…in all aspects of his life not just his academic work.
But…their results are pretty similar on standardized tests, and academic grades so far.
It did drive some of S’s High School teachers crazy…they told him…how could you possibly be —'s brother LOL.</p>
<p>Here are mine:</p>
<p>Oldest (son): 11th grade, intellectually gifted but with Asperger’s Syndrome and ADD, so doing well in school is a challenge (and often a trainwreck). Is a super fast reader. When the ADD meds wear off, homework is a nightmare. Below average social skills.</p>
<p>Middle (daughter): 9th grade, smart but not gifted. Has a great work ethic, but is a slow reader. Her social skills will take her far in life.</p>
<p>Youngest (daughter): 6th grade. We don’t really know what kind of student she’ll be because she hasn’t really been challenged yet. I have a feeling that she won’t be the most hardworking student because she wants to do so many other things. She’s a gymnast, but she’d love to also be on the dance team, do theatre, play volleyball, etc., etc. I think she’ll have fun in life, whether or not she gets top grades.</p>
<p>I have two children:</p>
<p>Oldest (son) is extremely bright but somewhat lazy. If the subject interests him, he will happily spend countless hours on it. If it doesn’t, he will whip right through it without much effort. Fortunately for him (so far), his “whip right through” is usually much better than others who studied really hard. I don’t know how far he can go with that; I think at some point his lack of effort will bite him in the rear. Teachers either love him or hate him (that’s too strong of a word), but most love him. He engages them; they engage him.</p>
<p>Youngest (daughter) is also very bright, perhaps not at the same level as S, but very close. She is more of a perfectionist than he is, and she has excellent study habits. She’s more like me. She will study for the SATs and surely do well, whereas son didn’t bother (and still did great).</p>
<p>They both LOVE reading, LOVE writing, don’t love math. D is interested in health science, S is not. S is incredibly interested in history & political science, D not so much. Very similar in some ways, but generally quite different people!</p>
<p>I have a sister who is two years older than me. I’m probably “smarter” naturally, but she has a better work ethic than I do. She had a higher GPA in high school, but I was more highly complimented for my work/thinking by teachers. I’m not sure whether these traits are the same now that we’re in college. It’s difficult to compare grades or study habits across schools. We’re both happy that we’re at about the same intelligence level. We saw the college rankings at some point last year after I decided on a college, and we found that we were both at #9 schools (University of Chicago and Dartmouth). </p>
<p>We have other differences. I’m more intellectual all around, while she finds interest in specific areas. I don’t like to talk about things I find interesting or have intellectual discussions (at least with my family); she does. On the other hand, I’m known for my people skills and charm people very easily. She is more reserved around people she doesn’t know. She reached a higher level in sports than I did, and she continued when I dropped off (due to injury, but I didn’t return afterwards). I am gifted musically but didn’t work especially hard at it until I switched instruments a year ago. She played the piano all through school and has a great ear but doesn’t have the same natural facility that I have. She’s blond with blue eyes, slim, strong, and in good shape. I have brown hair and brown/green eyes and am a little overweight, but I’m regularly complimented on my hair, skin, and smile. She’s committed to helping people and wants to be a doctor. I want to work hard in an environment that requires thinking and creativity, but I don’t care all that much about the field. She feels comfortable jumping on a plane by herself to Kenya or Fiji or Dubai; I would want to write myself a plan. She can be air-headed; I can be arrogant. She’s nicer; I’m sharper. The list goes on.</p>
<p>Anyway, we have different personalities in some ways, but we’re a lot alike in the end. My oldest siblings are a different story, but I didn’t grow up with them, so I don’t know the specifics.</p>
<p>all 3 procrastinate; all 3 have the storytelling gene; all creative and funny. They look so much alike that when I have an unsorted pile of photos from younger than age 2, the only way I can tell them apart is by looking at the background furniture and house to identify which toddler I’m looking at. We are cloning them.</p>
<p>My sons are 15 months apart. Both were tested in 5th/6th grades and came out with the exact same IQ. But they are so different in their approaches. Younger is better at the game of school, but he stresses out more- a typical type A. He will be the one to have stress-related health issues. Older has great social skills, is laid back and popular with other kids. In school, he tends to forget something that ends up biting him in the behind, and he’ll get a B instead of an A. But as far a understanding, he usually KNOWS the material. Younger is more of the memorizer/keep a good notebook/always get 100 for participation and homework type student- he NEVER forgets anything because he’s too busy stressing out all the time; he is quieter, but for some reason people like him a lot- for different reasons. I think it’s because he’s got an acerbic wit and an intensity about him; people interpret his natural shyness as some kind of James Dean coolness instead. Little do they know.</p>
<p>In high school, Older was the “No Time For Sergeants- Will Stockdale” type of kid- willing to go out on the football field and bash his brains in, do whatever it takes. He’s the type that didn’t mind fraternity pledgeship- he takes everything with a grain of salt and laughs everything off. He’d probably do well at a military academy or boot camp.</p>
<p>In high school, Younger was totally intense, baseball pitcher, had to do everything right, life was a living hell when things didn’t go well for him. He doesn’t tolerate people as easily as Older. He’s the guy laying on the horn. He really needs to chill.</p>
<p>I have 2 who are completely different…“nature’s little joke” bigtime.</p>
<p>Oldest is D, incredibly driven, perfectionist, organizer/planner, a rule-follower. Magnificent grades, work habits, social skills.</p>
<p>Second is S, bright but lazy, unorganized, NOT a perfectionist, a rule-breaker. Grades vary widely depending on interest in subject, strong work ethic when impacts others (ie commitments, work etc, but doesn’t see grades in that same light). Social skills shaky but improving. Much more pragmatic overall. </p>
<p>The parenting skills required for each couldn’t be more different. So we didn’t get to necessarily apply what we learned from kid #1 directly to kid #2.</p>
<p>Makes for lots of surprises and probably more fun that way :)</p>
<p>2 D’s…2 years (and 2 worlds) apart…Both were in gifted programs in grade/middle school. Both went to CTY and loved it. Both are quick learners in foreign languages. Both are perfectly capable (and usually prove it) by earning straight A’s. Yep, that about ends their abilities/habits similarities.</p>
<p>As I’ve mentioned a billion times already on CC, D1 graduated as val in her class of 575 kids, NMF Finalist, Nat’l AP scholar, blah, blah,blah. She’s ALWAYS been extremely self-driven…I found myself wishing last year that she had gotten that one B in high school, so she would have let up on herself last year. “Mom, I’ve worked so hard to get this far, I don’t want to blow it in the end.” Has planned to major in astrophysics since 7th grade…Total math/science geek, but is a pretty darned good writer and loves to read. And is an extremely mature young woman with a good head on her shoulders. </p>
<p>D2’s work ethic leaves much to be desired…procrastinates everything, then becomes this major drama queen that is EXTREMELY hard to live with when she gets stressed. I worry about her self-confidence (or lack thereof), and am being very conscious about acknowledging everything she does that shows maturity, hard work, etc. It didn’t help that last year, when she was soph and sister was a sr. that she had lots of people (a few teachers included, grrrr) who asked her if she “was as smart as her sister.” We came up with some witty comebacks for her, but I know it still sucked. Luckily this year, as she’s now in some of the same classes that her sister had, she has different teachers who never knew big sister. Whew. She’s logged 3 B’s so far in high school, so she won’t have to worry about that pesky class-ranking thing…I think she’ll easily be in the top 10%, maybe even higher, which is great…</p>
<p>She’s got an almost photographic memory, I think… sometimes it is WAY scary. She absorbs things and just knows them immediately. She’s been bored with every honors science and English class she’s taken, is fluent in Spanish, and is also taking German II this year. It has been those few classes that she didn’t just “get” right away that have thrown her for a loop…then, I think she gets all psyched out and she can’t seem to dig out of a hole once she gets there. I think it goes back to the self-confidence issue. Thanks to D1’s bf, her pre-calc grade last year barely cleared the C-cutoff. (the sister on sister tutoring was NOT working!!!–but, now she gets plenty of help via IM, email, and cell phone from big sis—I think it’s her excuse to talk to her.) I think she really misses her sister, but I’ve seen her really “bloom” now that she’s not in the shadow every day.</p>
<p>Personality-wise, D2 is much a more “colorful” character–outgoing, socially-active, has ECs every day after school and dances ballet and modern (and has danced recreationally for about 12 years). She got her scuba certification when she was in 6th grade, and hiked the Inca Trail this summer with her dad. She’s got much higher highs (and lower lows) than her sister ever had. She has about 10 very different ideas about what she wants to “do”, so the college search next year should be one of those dartboard things, since looking at her field of study probably will be a big unknown.</p>
<p>Love em both bunches—but they sure are different. I never told them, but younger tested with a higher IQ than her older sister back when they did the gifted inventories… D1 took AP Psychology last year and wanted to administer a test to see where her sister was on the scale. I took D1 aside and “prepared her” for the outcome she’d probably find. Yep, it’s still the same case (which is why I get frustrated when D2 does a half-***ed job on an assignment!!!)</p>
<p>It’s eerie how similar my S, D, and S are.</p>
<p>All three were the exact same weight at birth. They all look very similar, and the boys have similar physical skills- played the same position in soccer. They all have the same I.Q. Their academic strengths lie in the same areas- math and reasoning. They each chose to be a business major.</p>
<p>Their study skills are similar also- they like to study in groups for the social aspect and also to glean info from kids smarther than themselves (they all hang around smart people!) They even have the same favorite book.</p>
<p>Their similarties have brought them all close and they do not compete against each other (I think because the girl is in the middle.) Of course they are all individuals and are not COMPLETELY alike!</p>
<p>Outsiders probably think my kids are all alike. All are fair complected. They are all smart - in gifted programs, musical, stronger in languages than math/science (although they all did well in all subjects). Only at home do we see the differences:</p>
<p>S1 - Super smart to the degree that it’s sometimes hard to relate to him. Could never home school him because he’s always been smarter than me. Excellent test taker. Likes help on everything; prefers teamwork. School projects were last minute and often involved whole family. Can talk your ear off, but doesn’t make small talk - it will be politics, religion, the meaning of life, and anything about guitars… Talked very early, but not too athletic. Plays piano and guitar for fun. Loves Ultimate Frisbee. Loves social stuff. Did drama in HS. Very even keel - doesn’t show extremes of emotion. Spock-like rational. Nerdy looking - think Bill Nye the Science Guy, or Beaker from Sesame Street.</p>
<p>S2 - Smart. Horrible test taker because he usually doesn’t finish in time. Perfectionist - takes forever to finish anything. Prefers to work alone. School projects took forever, but were done alone. Plays things close to his chest. Could never home school him because he hates to be told what to do. Plays piano and horn, and doesn’t let anything get in the way of his practice time. Very athletic. Didn’t talk till he was nearly 2. Very emotional - If you want to know how he’s feeling, listen to his music. He’s 3 inches shorter than his brother, has long straight hair, rather than short & curly. Very “cool.”</p>
<p>D - Smarts similar to S2. Takes her awhile to warm up - so the end of a test is going to be better than the beginning. Self-starter. We never knew she had a project till it was returned with a grade. Social more like S1. Another one who talked early, but not real athletic. Learned to talk at 9 months, but learned to ride her bike at age 10. Music (violin) falls somewhere between the S’s. Has nerves of steel when performing. But also very emotional. Could never home school her because she knows too well how to push our buttons and manipulate us.</p>
<p>A BIG No here. My 2 sons are night and day in every aspect I can think of.</p>
<p>S1 sailed through sch. making A’s and a few B’s with minimal effort and just never stressing about it. Always had a ton of friends, voted most talkative in his grade for 2 years in a row in mid. sch., brimming with self confidence, never studied for AP’s or SAT’s, didn’t make perfect grades but close enough to suit him (finished h.s 6/450), very laid back even keel guy who loves weight lifting,running, sports, all outdoorsy stuff. His friends ranged from top students like himself to some with the lowest gpa’s in the class, all good guys. It never mattered to him. We always described him as a “regular guy” who just happened to be really smart. </p>
<p>S2, 3 years younger, lived in that shadow. S2 always disliked everything about sch., disliked reading, math, the whole nine yards…getting through homework was a nightmare in the lower grades. S2 was always a better athlete than S1. Was pretty good at every sport he tried in the Pee Wee years. In middle school, he tried football and whammo…it was his thing. S1 played football in 9th and 10th grades but never like S2. On the football field he is the most confident kid in the world because he knows he’s really good at it. He still strugglesw/ grades (senior this year) and is not really willing to put in a lot of extra work to excel but is really good with all things mechanical and has lots of common sense. His SAT is extemely avg. but doesn’t want to re-take. Since his bro. left for college, S2 has really bloomed socially and now has a big social circle of his own and is a very happy kid and fun to be around kid who will be lucky to graduate in to top 50% of his class this year.</p>
<p>Very similar. Both won HS English award on graduation. Both in same range academically (both gifted programs, but not the top top scores) both AP scholar with distinction, blah, blah, blah.</p>
<p>DS higher standardized test scores, and he’s the one with ADD.</p>
<p>Both leftists; both did plays, mock trial, music.</p>
<p>Neither perfectionists; both get their work done.</p>
<p>D more outgoing; S laid back. D wants law; S wants medicine. Yeah, they’re two years apart, but they’re practically twins except</p>
<p>D dark haired, almost black eyes. S sandy hair, blue eyes.
Both small and slender and both kid models (S more successful – just the way it was. He modeled black leather jacket in NYTimes at six and posed like James Dean, whom he said he had in mind. I didn’t even know he’d heard of James Dean.</p>
<p>Heavens no! My oldest S is very bright, focused, serious student, great work ethic and study habits. Doesn’t have to work near as hard as he does, but that is his personality. Graduated first in his class, many AP’s, etc. Very focused and deliberate college application process.</p>
<p>Youngest S tests as high as his brother, but has no study skills, and doesn’t really care about academics. He does just enough to keep his grades low A’s or barely B’s. It would be amazing what he could do if he applied himself. He is a HS junior. Will be a totally different college search for him.</p>
<p>I struggle with #2 not living up to his potential, but have learned its not worth fighting about. He is a happy, fun kid, just not self motivated. He will do fine with whatever he chooses to do. He just won’t pursue it with any drive and compassion.</p>
<p>Not even close.</p>
<p>Seems to be a pattern, though not true in all cases, that second or boys more laid back.</p>
<p>Funny story about different work ethic of g’s and b’s: Kids went to very small (public) HS. One year they both had the same English teacher who gave the same assignment, which apparently is some kind of NYS requirement as my kids tell, but I didn’t think so. Wandering syntax on my part, tonight.</p>
<p>The assignment was first, to put together a portfolio of all writing work for the year. Provide detailed commentary on every piece of writing and add an introduction and a conclusion. Then exchange with another student in the class and read and comment on his/her portfolio.</p>
<p>D and her friends (seniors) dutifully did the assignment to the letter.</p>
<p>S and his friends (sophomores) read their own and commented on their own and signed each other’s names to their efforts. Saved them the trouble of reading someone else’s, but they did have to write in character. Boy was D angry when she found out.</p>
<p>I thought it was funny and a perfect example of the gendered mind working. And I really couldn’t decide who had learned more about writing. S even wrote: S is mistaken when he lauds the triumph of Star Wars; Star Wars is inferior to Lord of the Rings in every way. The kid who was his beard loved Lord of the Rings and hated Star Wars. He did the opposite and had S condemning his love of Lord of the Rings.</p>
<p>I think the boys had more fun, though their ethics may have been questionable as well as their dedication.</p>
<p>
I wouldn’t count that just as a gender thing. TO be perfectly honest, I (a soph girl) and the rest of my class would probably do the same thing. Age thing, probably.</p>
<p>Similiar study habits? No. First child goes over notes before a test- once. Second child studies for any test or quiz as if it is for the Bar exam.</p>