do close doors make us creative

College Essays
1

Please grade it

Albert Einstein once rightly proclaimed, “Adversity introduces the man to himself”. Although this phrase may seem hackneyed in the mind of many, its authenticity is immense. A restriction not only deters a person from the outside world but also builds the aptitude to fight adversity. Restrictions have proved its essence in the lives of many great plebeians. This universal notion is exemplified throughout history and literature. One riveting paradigm of how restrictions can discover the innate creativeness of a human being is demonstrated by Phyllis Wheatley, an author of the medieval America; she at the juvenile age of seven was sold as a slave. She was sold in different countries of the world but finally was brought over to US by ship. Wheatley was purchased by John Wheatley. Although her original purpose was to serve as a slave, but due to her benign and mellifluous nature, she soon became an integrated part of the family and grew with the same benevolence as did the other children of the family. At the age of twelve Wheatley was able to read bible and many other Greek classics. Soon after, Wheatley published her first book, “A collection of poems: Religious and Moral” and became an instant sensation. Despite being in the vituperative conditions in her early years and being “restricted” to the outside world, she became an eminent author of medieval America. Another prime example surfaces in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s classic, The Scarlet Letter, the protagonist, Hester Prynne is ostracized by the Puritan society for her promiscuous act. Due to her spurious deeds Hester Prynne is restricted from the general prerogatives of the society and is coerced to bare letter ‘A’ on her clothing to make society aware of the sins she has committed. The restrictions imposed on her provoked the relentless desire to change. Soon she started helping the society with diminutive works and there after people began referring ‘A’ as able, her creativity indeed helped her from vindicating from the censure that was castigated on her and thus achieve a magnanimous character in the society. As seen through these historic and literary examples, creativity with certitude can be discovered even from the closed doors. As John Hysteria once said, “Everybody has the tiers of creativity but it depends upon the tendency to fabricate it”.

2

This essay is let down by a lot of unnecessary, unnatural wording. Examples below.

“its authenticity is immense” – or, ‘it proves true’ to use less awkward phrasing.

“A restriction not only deters a person from the outside world” meaningless phrase. What outside world? Be more specific.

“Restrictions have proved their necessity” and also, I’m not sure why you’ve used the term plebeians. It’s archaic and in some circles considered offensive. ‘Common people’ will do fine.

“One riveting paradigm” or, one example. If it’s not a phrase that you wouldn’t use in real life, probably not a good idea to use it in your writing. I see you use it later so if you want to avoid repetition, use ‘another instance’ there.

There are other aesthetic issues with the essay (check your grammar, use paragraphs) but otherwise, take all your “fancy” words completely out of this essay, and see how much easier it will be for you to write something that conveys actual meaning.

3

Concise. Learn that word. It’s very important to essay-writing. Also, you need to post a prompt! Here’s a better formatted version of what you wrote, if you aren’t sure how to improve this one: I’d give this an 8 because the language / grammar is not as strong as it could be, and you don’t really explain how creativity relates to “introducing a man to himself.”

Albert Einstein once proclaimed, “Adversity introduces the man to himself”. Although this phrase may seem hackneyed, it is very true. Obstacles not only deter a person from the outside world b** but also strengthens the ability to fight adversity. Obstacles have proved to be essential in the lives of many great men and women. This notion is exemplified throughout history and literature.

One example of how obstacles can expose the innate creativity of a human being is demonstrated by Phyllis Wheatley, an author in medieval America. She, at the juvenile age of seven, was sold as a slave. After living in several different countries, she was finally brought over to US by ship. Wheatley was purchased by John Wheatley. Her original purpose was to serve as a slave, but due to her benign nature, she soon became an integrated part of the family and grew up treated with the same benevolence as the other children of the family. At the age of twelve, Wheatley was able to read the Bible and many other Greek classics. Soon after, Wheatley published her first book, “A collection of poems: Religious and Moral” and became an instant sensation. Despite enduring terrible and abusive conditions in her early years and being “restricted” from freedom in the outside world, she became an eminent author of medieval America.

Another prime example surfaces in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s classic, The Scarlet Letter. The protagonist, Hester Prynne, is ostracized by the Puritan society for her promiscuous act of adultery. Due to her illegitimate act, Hester Prynne is restricted from the general prerogatives of her society and is coerced to wear the letter ‘A’ on her clothing to make everyone aware of her sins. The restrictions imposed on her provoked her relentless desire to change. Soon, she started helping her neighborhood with small tasks and thereafter, people began referring to ‘A’ as able. Her creativity vindicated her from her censure, and she thus became a beloved figure in society.

As seen through these historic and literary examples, creativity surely can be discovered even behind the closed doors of adversity. As John Hysteria once said, “Everybody has the tiers of creativity, but it depends upon the tendency to fabricate it”. (Is this really a quote? It doesn’t sound grammatically correct… Also, this isn’t about the creativity; your focus is on a person learning about himself or developing because of adversity.]

4

^ Google doesn’t even offer any info about someone named “John Hysteria,” a name I must admit I snorted at.