<p>That’s odd…I was just thinking it was nice it was back on track to being respectful and civil.</p>
<p>x-posted with JHS above (which is continuing the respect and civility)</p>
<p>JHS…I also think I was a very protective type parent when my kids still lived at home. I knew where they were at ALL times and they were rarely ever alone for that matter. They were mostly in supervised situations. But as protective as I was, I never considered in-home college interviews as problematic or of concern. Indeed, this concern is truly a new one to me that took me by surprise. </p>
<p>Mummom, </p>
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<p>I don’t see it as much different. The parents of some kid from school you might hardly know or have not met. An alum interviewer is a stranger but not a random one. It is all lined up in an official capacity and has a record of the meeting (as well as parent can drop off and pick up at allotted time), and the person’s reason to do the interview is of a positive nature and I can’t begin to imagine nefarious or devious reasons for doing an interview and using that situation to engage in anything inappropriate (would be dumb, dumb, dumb…and surely there are far better opportunities if one has such a tendency). In both cases, the kid barely knows the adult. And while you contend that the interviewer is a stranger and the classmate’s parent you know “a little”…it is widely known that many criminal type attacks are with people you know and not with strangers. Could be a teacher, a coach, a co-worker, a relative, a neighbor. </p>
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<p>I didn’t take it personally that someone would suspect me of untoward behavior. I was taken by surprise here as both a parent myself that this would be a concern, AND as an interviewer as I know interviewers are giving of their time for positive reasons and just can’t imagine anything improper or criminal in that scenario. I haven’t heard of an example ever of it either. </p>
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<p>As an interviewer, I would not take it against a student if they requested a different time or place. </p>
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<p>I can’t fathom that at all! Wow. I never thought twice about a kid whose parents drove them or waited in the car. Not every kid here has access to a car on their own and must be driven by a parent. I expect that and in no way can I imagine that would ever been seen as a negative when it comes to a parent doing the transportation. A parent sitting in on an interview…sure! But that is not what you are talking about. Geez, even campus interviews involved me as a parent bringing my kid and picking them up. </p>
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<p>Your assumptions just make no sense to me, sorry. I have had parents sit in their car in my driveway. Some opt to run an errand and come back. I never have EVER considered ANY of that a negative. Not every kid has a car. Things are spread out here…I have applicants who might travel 40 miles to come to my house. A parent in the car would never be seen negatively or as an “insult.” I can’t understand that thinking. Parents transport teens all the time to colleges, activities, interviews, etc. </p>
<p>Then again, I don’t understand your thinking on any of this matter, such as your saying the kids are too busy to do the interviews. </p>
<p>I don’t see this as about parenting styles. I think it is a fair expectation for a college applicant to take advantage of an interview opportunity, appreciate the volunteers who conduct them, be willing to work out the time and place and meet the expectations of the interviewer in this regard. The parents’ role is merely to support that and help with transportation if necessary. I would expect the same for my kid who had a job interview. I expect a teen to do these on their own and to meet the interviewer wherever the interview is conducted. I just do not worry that they will be attacked at job or college interviews. I see nil risk in that. And after high school, these situations will continue…meetings with professors, job interviews, and so on. One of my kids had to meet with agents last spring. Doesn’t matter to me if it is an office or home. If someone wanted to do something in a private office, they could just as easily as in a home. I just see hardly any risk in these situations compared to so many other situations my kids find themselves in. I don’t purposely put my kids in harm’s way. They do take some risks…be it driving a car, traveling alone, skiing, etc. College interviews are one thing that doesn’t fall under “risk” to me. I’m not referring to parenting styles but more to common sense. But to each their own.</p>
<p>Mummom,
Appreciate that you understand why interviewers here might be perplexed at being perceived as a potential threat. I do have a question (genuine, sincere,no double entendre) – I am puzzled. If you were concerned that your driving your s to the interview or waiting outside might jeopardize the interview (personally I wouldn’t feel that way, but I can’t speak for other interviewers. Some kids don’t have drivers licenses) how did you pull off waiting down the road? Wouldnt the interviewer notice that there was no car parked outside (assuming your s drove to the remote location you described) and how did your s notify you that the interview was over? Did he call you? Did you watch to see when the door opened? after an interview with a student, I usually offer to walk out with them (from the coffee shop) since we are usually leaving at the same time. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they say that they plan to stick around at Starbucks for a while or use the restroom or whatever (that happened last time). Hypothetically speaking (since I dont do interviews at my home- or at least havent yet), if I were hosting a student at my home, I would at the very least walk them to the door. I might notice if there was no car, or if the student, after I closed the door, was calling someone on the phone, or waiting for a car to drive up. I would want to be sure they were ok and not left standing on the stoop in the cold. Hoiw did you pull it off?</p>
<p>And gourmetmom-- you are the gourmet–where do you suggest for lunch??</p>
<p>Did I forget to mention that I <em>ducked</em> down in the passenger seat the entire time just to ensure that when the interviewer opened the door he wouldn’t see mommy waiting in the car? Even though the car was far enough down the road that chances of seeing me were slim? Paranoid about jeopardizing the interview–yep, and for good reason, judging by posts from interviewers here. All that for a waitlist spot!</p>
<p>There was no way for me to run an errand, SV. As I have said this place was <em>isolated</em>. And I had no way of knowing how long the interview would last, of course.</p>
<p>jym…good point. Where I live…you cannot walk to my house. A kid whose parent brought them to the interview and picked them up, would HAVE to drive up to my house. There is no other way. I live on a dirt road in a rural area. I take the student to my door and the parent is either waiting outside in the car or the kid has called the parent to say that the interview is over and they can come back and pick them up (they sometimes go into town to kill time during the interview since they can’t go home due to the distance involved). Many of the kids have their own transportation but many do NOT.</p>
<p>Mummom, sorry but I find it amazing that you didn’t want the interviewer to see you in the car!!! I EXPECT teens to have to be driven by an adult. They may not have their own car or access to their parents car for the interview and must be transported. They may not even have a license for that matter. NOTHING negative would EVER be construed by a parent dropping off and picking up!!! What about campus interviews? These are in other states and I dropped my kid off and picked up. I would never imagine a college to see that in a negative light. What would be negative is a parents’ expectation to be present at the interview or to say their kid couldn’t meet at the interviewer’s home.</p>
<p>How do you conclude that based on interviewers on this thread that any of us would see it as negative that you waited in the car while your son had an interview? I bet you anything that every interviewer here expects a parent may have to transport their kid and the kid doesn’t have access to a car on his own. </p>
<p>The ONLY thing I can think of here is that the reason you thought you had to hide is that YOU had suspicions about the interview and were queasy about it at the home of the alum, and so you were there for “safety” reasons. Given your REAL reason for being there, I get your point. But MOST of us would see your reason to be there as simply the transportation provider. Then again, many of us can’t understand why you were concerned for your son’s well being at the interview. But that maybe explains why you felt you needed to hide. Otherwise, there would be NO fathomable reason to hide as a parent who transported their kid to an interview for college (or even for a job). In other words, if you were there to “hover”, it would be a negative. If you were there as the driver, it would not be a negative. But most interviewers would assume you were there as the driver as they know there is no risk involved in the interview itself.</p>
<p>Interestingly, my S had another interview at a public place at which the interviewer asked him if he drove himself. Why, I have no clue.</p>
<p>My son interviewed at the home of a Brown Alum. I drove him there - walked him to the door and stayed in a seperate room as they interviewed. She was very accomodating and didn’t seem to mind at all. I do not think it is a big deal at all to want to accompany your son or daughter to the home of an alum for an interview.</p>
<p>kleibo…it is not a big deal to take your child to the interview at a home. It would normally not be expected for the parent to stay in the home during the interview though.</p>
<p>mummom, why is it odd that the interviewr asked your son if he drove himself? I can see that coming up in a friendly conversation. I might ask if the student has a way to get to my interview or has someone who can pick him up. We discuss the arrangements so we can find a way to make it happen. I even discuss with my applicants to not hesitate to call me to reschedule if the weather is bad because if they are driving themself, I know as a parent, I wouldn’t want my kids to drive in bad weather and I want them to know I am flexible about that. It is not uncommon that I know whether they are driving themself or got a ride from a parent.</p>
<p>I’ll give an example of my interview a few days ago. The girl happened to go to our high school (the majority of my interviews are with kids from high schools even further away). But kids from six towns go to our high school and so she lives 15 miles from me but with the high school midway between our homes. We discussed her coming after school and that she could get a ride with a classmate who lives down the road from my house. So, she did that. When the interview was over, I asked how she could get home. I don’t think her parent could come yet (again, not nearby), so she called up another classmate that lives near me and asked if she could go over her house for a while until her parent could drive to our town to get her later. I offered to drive her to the girl’s house near me but the girl drove over to pick my applicant up. So, i was quite privy to her transportation arrangements. This was not odd for me at all. I am most of the time aware of how they get here…usually they drive themselves or a parent drives them and it is easy to tell as it is obvious. You have to drive to my house…there is no street to park on…I have a long driveway into my property.</p>
<p>Why though - If I was an interviewer, I would ask the parent to come into my home. It doesn’t and shouldn’t shed any kind of light onto what kind of student the child is or is not.</p>
<p>If the interview is used as one of the selection factors, interviewers usually don’t want the parents around because the parents’ presence may make the student nervous, inhibited, and the parent may end up doing the talking instead of the student being able to talk. </p>
<p>The interviewer also is assessing the student’s maturity and independence, and if it seems that the student needs the parent around to feel comfortable enough to talk to the interviewer, that would be a negative just as it would be a negative if a person needed to bring a parent or friend to a job interview.</p>
<p>Interviewers may not have a separate room available where the parent may wait while the student is being interviewed.</p>
<p>If the interview is informational, interviewers may be happy to have the parent present so the interviewer can answer the parent’s questions, too, about the school.</p>
<p>SV et al: I don’t really think there is anything more I can say to explain my position and my thoughts. I might have anticipated a different reaction to a mom driving a son–who knows. I think it’s comical in retrospect (and even more so at the time!), but I don’t think my “subterfuge” was out of line, considering the reactions of JHS and some others.</p>
<p>Yes I could see that if the interviewer had a small home. I couldn’t even tell you were they were in the house. She sat me in a front room with some coffee and off they went and I saw them about 45 minutes later and then she engaged my son and myself for about another 10 minutes. It was informal as well.</p>
<p>No way could S have driven himself anywhere at 16. He did not yet have a license.
S went on Amtrak to visit campus and set up an interview with a prof. He used public transport and went by taxi to interviews nearer home. When H drove him to one interview, he did not accompany him into the house or office of the interviewer. It did not occur to us to feel uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Kleibo…just saying that normally it is not expected that the parent come into the place where the interview is conducted during the interview time slot (maybe, however, before or after the interview). Also, in my home, it is a very open layout downstairs. So, if I interview the candidate in my living room, there are no doors and one area opens up into the other and thus if a parent were to sit in my family room, or my kitchen, or my dining room…they COULD hear the interview and so that would not be appropriate. </p>
<p>I recall D2 having an interview with a college admissions officer when she came to our state. It was 45 miles from our house and I drove my kid. The interview was in the lobby of a hotel. I sat on a sofa in the lobby and I could see (but not hear) the interview as it took place in another sitting area of that lobby. It was kinda weird that I could see what was going on. After it ended, the interviewer came over and met me and chatted briefly. But I was like a voyeur in that I could see the interview as it transpired, the way she had these interviews set up. There was one right after the other and all those who were waiting (parents and students) also sat in the lobby area. It was just TOO public. I prefer a more private setting where nobody can see or hear.</p>
<p>As I mentioned earlier a neighbor DID call the police to check out the person who parked in front of his home when my husband was interviewing. </p>
<p>I think that we can go back…yet again…to the basics: You can google the interviewer. (Many doctors, lawyers, cpas, businesses have their own sites). You can google sex offenders. A parent, unless lazy, can find out more about the interviewer than the interviewer can ever find out about the kid except for what is written by the applicant and sent to the interviewer.</p>
<p>Don’t want to trust the interviewer? DON’T HAVE AN INTERVIEW. If the university requires an interview, oh well, not the school for you. (And I mean the parent here.)</p>
<p>And now the dirty little secret: No matter how the parent envisions their child’s college life (uplifting seminars on Chaucer, dinner parties at the professor’s homes…wait that may not be ok…) your child is going out into the big world. And they better have some street smarts.</p>
<p>Just a thought: I remember when I was in high school kids from Europe and South America came to live with a strange family for a year. The parents never met, nor vetted, the host family. Never saw the living arrangements. Now THAT was a leap of faith.</p>
<p>^That reminds me that I had a host family–as did all international students. We’d never heard of such set-up and my parents never even contacted my host family. I did not think to send pictures, though I described the family briefly in one of my letters home.</p>
<p>ellebud…exactly. Look at all the foreign exchange students who do home stays. That is way more involved than a one hour college interview in an alum’s home. In both cases, however, a college or agency, made the arrangement and it is not a random stranger.</p>
<p>I also agree that if the alum interviews are not to one’s liking, don’t do the interview (it’s optional) or don’t apply to schools that have this set up. The set up itself is really not the problem. Pick and choose your schools. Those that do things they way you like, fit you (or, er, your kid).</p>
<p>We hosted kids (middle and high school) who came to town to participate in some weekend youth events. Didn’t get screened by the organization or parents of the kids we hosted. They appreciated that we opened our home, provided meals, transportation, etc. Anyone notice that there seems to be a pattern-- people who volunteer to do things tend to do it frequently, in a variety of ways and places. </p>
<p>Mummom-
I can’t recall if you said the remote house where your s interviewed was on a back, dirt road, like soozie describes, or whether it was on a paved road with other homes nearby. I hope you didnt stay crouched down in the freezing cold for the entire duration of your s’s interview. That would have been really uncomfortable!</p>