<p>I don’t think this is semantics. Mummom wrote earlier on the thread, for example, about purposely parking her car two blocks away from the interviewer’s home so that the interviewer could not see that she had dropped off her son and then IN the car, also tried to hide her presence. </p>
<p>I’m saying there is no need to hide dropping off your kid at a house. In fact, as an interviewer, I’d wonder how the kid even got here. I actually talk to the kid on the phone ahead of time and discuss what way they may have to get here. It is not hidden the method that they will use to get here and if they are driving themselves or have a parent bringing them. It is all very open, in fact. </p>
<p>Now, if the interview is at a Starbucks type place, I can see that the interviewer might not see or know how the kid arrived as the parent is in a parking lot or it just is not obvious. But where I live, it is obvious as to how the kid arrived and left my house. One cannot hide how they did it and there is NO reason to have to hide. What they should not do is accompany the kid in the interview. </p>
<p>In mummom’s example, I can’t see why she could not drop the kid off in front of the house and return to pick him up. I don’t see a need to hide the fact that she transported the kid. I do, however, see a need to go off during the interview and come back.</p>
<p>I think it’s actually been an interesting discussion, but that’s just me. I had no idea that interviewers felt so passionately about some aspects of the interview. Based on these attitudes, I can’t help but feel that I did exactly the right thing on that particular January night.</p>
<p>Well, I think everyone has been given the opportunity to offer their advice, experience, opinion on the subject. I sincerely hope the OP will report back as to what actually happened.</p>
<p>Would you have a parent wait in the car on a twenty degree night, SV? Seriously? I would think it would be very poor manners not to invite him/her in. Am I off-base on that? I think you’re missing some finer points of the discussion. But I need to go now.</p>
<p>I am not entirely sure i understand your question but don’t want to ignore you. You say it would be poor manners not to…not sure what you mean…poor manners for the parent not to? For the interviewer not to? I’m not following, am sorry. If you clarify, I can respond better. </p>
<p>If it is 20 degrees out, I expect the parent will drop off their child, go off for a while, and return, or sit in a heated car (by the way 20 degrees is a heat wave here, LOL). The parent doesn’t come into my home during the interview. </p>
<p>My point before had to do with hiding that you had transported your kid so that the interviewer doesn’t know. I see no reason to hide that fact. But I do see a reason to not come in and to go off some place to kill time. But none of this has to be a secret. I know that parents go off to kill time or choose to wait in a heated car or whatever. None of it is a secret.</p>
<p>My kid had campus interviews too and I am positive that the adcom had to know the parent brought the kid as it was out of state. For instance, at Yale, the parents sit in a waiting room as the kid has their interview. The interviewer sees the parents waiting. It is not considered a negative thing, but rather an expected thing, that a parent brought the kid to the interview location. But the parent doesn’t enter the interview “venue” (space).</p>
<p>Mummom, since I responded, you edited your post and now it reads: “I think it would be poor manners to not invite her/him in.”</p>
<p>The parent never gets out of the car and usually they drop their kid off and drive off for a while. I don’t mind inviting someone in to greet them but it has only happened once or twice that I greeted a parent who chose to come to the door. Most do not come to my door but merely provided transportation and drop their kid off or wait. Also, cars are heated. Again, it would not be appropriate for a parent to accompany the child to the interview IN my home. In my home, the parent would definitely HEAR the interview. NONE of the rooms in the downstairs portion of my home have doors. The layout is open from one room to the next. I wouldn’t even want one of my own kids or husband to be downstairs when I conduct an interview because they can listen in and it would not be private and it should be private. I would make my family members stay upstairs. I can’t have the student’s parents stay upstairs (it is all bedrooms up there).</p>
<p>Not addressed to me, but what the heck, that’s not stopping anyone here :-).</p>
<p><em>I</em> wouldn’t interview a kid in my own home in the first place; I would arrange to meet at a Starbucks or other public place, because I do think that is the least objectionable venue. (There are so many around here that they are easily quiet and conducive to an interview, so to me those “objections” are non-starters.) In which case, I think the social expectation is that parent drops off kid and cools her heels elsewhere, and then when kid is done, she texts or calls parent and meets parent. I think parent shouldn’t really be walking into the SB, but should just stay in a parking lot, etc.</p>
<p><em>If</em>, however, I were to interview a kid at my house, I kind of think the social expectations are the same. Parent drops off kid, stays in car just to ensure that kid got into the house (just as you would do, dropping anyone off in any situation) and then drives off and makes self scarce. I would expect the parent to know how to get to a nearby area and wait, and no, I don’t really think I’d feel any obligation to invite parent into my home. Because this isn’t a social call for me to meet the parent. Like SV, my house is not set up in such a way that there would be private space for the parent to sit and entertain himself. I might feel differently if I had a sunroom, or a library with closed doors, or another first-floor space where someone could be more isolated.</p>
<p>"<em>If</em>, however, I were to interview a kid at my house, I kind of think the social expectations are the same. Parent drops off kid, stays in car just to ensure that kid got into the house (just as you would do, dropping anyone off in any situation) and then drives off and makes self scarce. "</p>
<p>I agree. If the parent were dropping off the kid for a study session or a party, the parent wouldn’t expect to be invited in. The parent would go elsewhere and then return to pick up their kid.</p>
<p>Check out the “My friend’s interview” thread just up on the Brown forum. A really amazing interview gone bad story that sums up the worst in paranoid parental behavior.</p>
<p>Mummom, this quote makes me wonder: Are you originally from the South? The reason I ask this is two fold …</p>
<p>1) You’re making different assumptions about the hospitality owed to the parent by the interviewer (you appear to be expecting an invitation into the home if the weather is cold, whereas some of us aren’t expecting that the interviewer extend any real contact towards the parent other than perhaps acknowledgment and a nod) … and</p>
<p>2) 20 degrees and snow on the ground is a “freezing cold night.” Certainly cold, but the car would have been warmed up from the drive to the interviewer’s house, and if you had a normal winter coat on, I don’t see why it would be a real problem to sit in a car and run it every now and then. </p>
<p>Now, if there was a blizzard going on, with dangerous, slick icy roads, i can see an interviewer inviting someone in versus having them sit in a car in a snowstorm … but if the weather is that dangerous, the interview should have been cancelled!</p>
<p>I think part of the “invitation” thing that is throwing me is the assumption that the interviewer is responsible for providing hospitality to the parent, that the parent isn’t capable of figuring out the nearest parking lot or coffeeshop to hang out in during the meantime.</p>
<p>Give me some time…I’m looking for a detailed map of the area for the judges and jury here, in addition to weather data for that night. (…kidding, btw)</p>
<p>In the meantime, maybe someone can analyze your “least objectionable venue” remark.</p>
<p>I think any parent who has had kids in any kind of EC’s should have the skills to figure out how to amuse or occupy themselves when they are being used just for transportation purposes! Seriously. </p>
<p>And it’s <em>easier</em> nowadays with so much technology. In the old days, you’d have to bring a magazine or a book. Nowadays, between my iPhone and my Nook, I’ve got all the music, TV shows, books and the entire internet to occupy myself with. Plus, who can’t figure out with mapquest these days where the nearest coffeehouse / Target / grocery store / etc. is to the interviewer’s house, to use the time wisely?</p>
<p>hey mummom, I’ve made no secret of the fact that I personally think the SB/coffeeshop type of venue is the least objectionable venue and I personally think it’s the more “expected” norm for two strangers meeting in this kind of situation. And that I wouldn’t jump for joy if D got invited to a strange man’s house for an interview – but I would also swallow and let her do it because I believe the real risk of anything untoward is vanishingly low and indeed driving to the house is probably a bigger danger risk.</p>
<p>Would/should the interviewer invite in the cab driver?</p>
<p>Would the parent come into the Starbucks if they drove the child and it was cold outside?</p>
<p>When I drove my D to dance/horse/music lessons…I could not come in (didn’t want to).</p>
<p>At lessons, I often brought a book and read in the car - I LOVED this time, FORCED solitude, the ONLY time I got to read. If it was a long wait, I’d go somewhere and eat, or walk/exercise/shop. I also got caught in a snow/ice storm once where traffic couldn’t move at all. I have no CLUE how it happened that I didn’t have to go to the bathroom (thank you God!), but I sat parked for 4 hours. I ran my car most of the time and it wasn’t a problem. I’ve also run my truck so the air conditioner could run for the dog for an entire day at a horse show.</p>
<p>Why are interviewers allowed so many presumptions and assumptions and students/parents are not. Yes, in this area, on this particular night, IF the interviewer knew that a parent was sitting in the car with the car heater running for an hour (in this case, an hour and a half) and did not ask the parent in the house I would think it was ill-mannered. I believe there have been other interviewers here who mentioned they would do just that <em>regardless</em> of the weather conditions. I guess that might seem as if I think SV is rude for not doing so–so be it. She has her views as to appropriate manners and I have mine. </p>
<p>Can at-home interviewers have it both ways? Encourage the intimate, homey setting, absolutely demand that kids interview at their home or not at all, and then draw the line at other behavioral niceties that normally go along with “entertaining” kids or parents in one’s home? I would never leave a parent of one of my kid’s friends sitting in the driveway in their car for more than ten minutes without inviting them in. This has happened on countless occasions, as a matter of fact. Sometimes they come in, and sometimes they don’t. </p>
<p>As for the public venue job interview, I would drop them off and pick them up, or wait in the car, or have a cup of coffee. In store settings I would shop, and then check back on the manager’s door or whatever to see if the interview was over. Normally, of course, they drove themselves, as my S did to his B&N and hotel lobby interviews.Certainly I did not have to be worried about the sensibilities of a McDonald’s or Target or Walmart interviewer as I have learned (and anticipated)I must be sensitive to the sensibilities of elite school interviewers. A ballet term comes to mind…but I’ll keep that to myself.</p>
<p>Sorry if this comes off as hostile…don’t mean it to be…I’m in rather a hurry and those are my feelings on the issue.</p>
<p>Allowed? Everybody is allowed to have an opinion, feelings, etc… that’s the law, isn’t it?
But the fact remains that if an applicant wants to have an interview, the applicant needs to accommodate the interviewer. If that is too much, then don’t have the interview. Or contact the college and ask for a different interviewer and explain that you do not wish to be interviewed at the interviewer’s home (and by “you,” I mean the applicant, not the parent).
.
Yes, unfortunately, they do; and it’s for their convenience rather than to provide the homey setting. If it is too much trouble to volunteer, they will stop doing so–as many do after a few years.
Sorry, an interview is not an entertainment opportunity.
Applicants’ parents are not friends of the interviewer.</p>
<p>Gourmetmom:
Thanks for the link. I wonder what the mom thought the Brown interviewer was: a rapist who’d assault her daughter in a crowded store or a terrorist–in which case private homes are less likely to be targets… I’m having trouble coming up with an explanation.
And yes, poor girl. I wonder what it is like living with a mother who is so paranoid.</p>