<p>I don’t see why the expectations of the interviewer would be any different if the interviewer is holding court at Starbucks or holding court in his living room. </p>
<p><em>Either way</em> I don’t think the interviewer bears any responsibility for “entertaining” the parent during the interview time. In the big world out there, parents who are being used for transportation purposes but who are not part of the activity entertain themselves in the interim. Whether it’s sitting in the car with a book to pass the time, driving elsewhere and getting a cup of coffee, or running to Target. They’re expected to do it quietly and discreetly, and not need anyone’s assistance in doing so. Good grief, we’re all forty-somethings if not older. </p>
<p>You seem to think that the interviewer doing so at his house means a higher obligation towards the parent than the interviewer doing so at Starbucks. The interviewer at Starbucks is not obligated to make sure that I (the parent) have a warm place to go, have something to do, etc. I don’t see why that would change if it so happened that the interview now happened in his house. Either way, it’s an interview. It’s not a social visit.</p>
<p>Yes. What makes you think they are obligated to invite the parents in, offer them coffee, make sure they are “entertained”? I think that’s ridiculous. I don’t know what adult couldn’t figure out a way to occupy herself for an hour or so and be just fine. </p>
<p>This is reminding me of members of my extended family who are flabbergasted by the logistics of taking business trips — “oh noes, how will we ever get a rental car / taxi / drive ourselves around. It’s all so hard.” You’ve got a car. You’ve got a book or a magazine since you knew you’d be cooling your heels. What’s the problem? Why are you confusing the interviewer’s desire to do so in his home which is convenient for him (which I’m not crazy about, but I understand) with a social setting in which he is responsible for entertaining you?</p>
<p>So the expectations are THE SAME, mummom. You drop kid off at interviewer’s house / Starbucks / work office, go have a cup of coffee or shop, and then come back. You’re able to entertain yourself in the meantime if kid’s at a public venue, so I don’t see why you can’t entertain yourself if kid’s at a private home.</p>
<p>BTW, if my kid were interviewing in the mall, I absolutely would not check back to see whether the interview was over. I would either wait in a prearranged place for her to come get me when she was finished, or go about my own shopping and wait for her to call when finished. I wouldn’t go anywhere near that particular store, much less give the impression that I was checking in.</p>
<p>As I mentioned many pages ago, when I was a full-time Dj, I sometimes interviewed prospective dj’s to work/train for me. My handiest time was at about 3:30 in the morning after I got off work at the nightclub, and had had a chance to shower. When I was 30(then) single man, alone, I was most comfortable in my home in my underwear. There are those here that will argue apparently that it would be ok for me to interview a young man or woman just that way, because 1) I am conducting the interview, and 2) it is the time that was most convenient for me 3) it was where was most comfortable for me and 4) it was how I was most comfortable.</p>
<p>I did not make that choice however, and met with them at my workplace before work started or at my home around 6.p.m. While that is common dinnertime for many, that was my sleeptime. So it wasn’t the handiest for me. I knew I was an honorable person. I would not have stolen, attacked, or sexually attacked any interviewee at 3 a.m. But I also knew although my unconventional hours and choice of underwear did not affect my integrity, they would be inconvenient for many, and uncomfortable for many, too. I wanted a helper, but it wasn’t all about me. Even if my intent was to be fully dressed, in suit and tie I can still see a prospective dj trainee(esp a young adult female) hesitant to show up at my house at that time of the day.
So yes, my hours were unconventional- but the time of day does not affect my intentions/honor. Some may argue I was too giving of my time for the convenience and comfort level of an interviewee, but I just thought reasonable accommodations for their comfort rated higher than my desire for my convenience. I thought it the right thing to do.</p>
<p>I would never ever think it is appropriate to interview someone while wearing underwear (and please, there is a huge range of possibilities between wearing undies and a full suit and tie), or at home alone at 3:am. It is absolutely not the same as what has been discussed so far.
Did you wear a suit and tie interviewing at whatever hour you chose? Did you even wear a suit and tie while DJing?</p>
<p>Some interviewers here stated that they <em>would</em> as a matter of course, invite the parent in and even offer them coffee if they were waiting outside or walked the student to the door (which I would never in a million years do, but some people are by nature very friendly and I don’t really see a problem with it if they want to do it). So the people who think that it is never done are wrong. I wonder sometimes if some people take the time to read every post before posting.</p>
<p>To be clear, I did <em>not</em> want to be invited inside. My expectation was that a gentleman would invite a mom inside in such cold (I forgot to include the wind chill factor! haha) even if he would normally prefer not to do so. I still think that would be the case with most men (maybe JHS can weigh in here), and possibly even most women. </p>
<p>I used the term “entertaining” in it’s very loosest sense, btw. As to have in one’s home. Which is why I put it in quotes.</p>
<p>I think younghoss was just making a point with his analogy.</p>
<p>I’ve had kids who have had jobs at Walmart, Target, Popeyes, Acme, Wegmans, to name a few. Have you? Trust me, these people are way too busy to care if a mom glances across the cash register area to the doors behind to see if their kid is finished interviewing. Like they would even notice the mom in a million years. The idea that they might care is laughable to me.</p>
<p>“Would you have a parent wait in the car on a twenty degree night, SV? Seriously? I would think it would be very poor manners not to invite him/her in”</p>
<p>I personally think it’s bad manners for the parent to be expecting to be invited in if the parent is choosing to wait outside in a driveway for their kid. Would the parent expect to be invited in if they were waiting for their kid to be finished with a study session or a party?</p>
<p>Just a comment, said in jest but true, about 20 degree weather not being cold. ARE YOU NUTS? Where we live if it is in the mid 40s (which it rarely is) we hibernate. If, on rare occasions, you can see your breath…don’t let the dogs out. They won’t go out in frigid weather either. Just a matter of perspective…</p>
<p>I understand you did not want to be invited, which is why you park further away. I was responding to your specific post that seemed to suggest that an interview was like a social occasion (“entertainment”). It is not.
As for moms who glance through the window to see if their child is finished with an interview, it is not the same as a parent who rings the bell of a private home for the same purpose, or, as in the case of the Brown interview (link posted by Gourmetmom) who calls Code Adam because she can’t locate her daughter in a bookstore 30 minutes after the interview began and causes the bookstore to be locked down. The first is not in the least disruptive (unless it causes the applicant to become nervous and fidgety), the second is mildly disruptive, and the third is just mind-boggling.</p>
<p>Yes, younghoss was trying to make a point. The problem is that the situation he uses is not in the least analogous.</p>
<p>Sometimes people will invite you in just because they thought that’s what you would want because you actually walked your kid to the door, and really hoping you would say no and go away. It’s no different than when my kid’s friend’s parent come to the door to drop off the kid for a play date, I would just ask if they want to come out of obligation. I haven’t stayed with my kids for play dates since they were 5.</p>
<p>Isn’t there a difference between <em>expecting</em> to be invited in, as you put it, and <em>expecting</em> that the man would have the good manners to invite you in, NSM? The way you phrased it is not what I have been trying to say at all.</p>
<p>I’m not sure why you are bringing up those cases, marite. Am I now being lumped in with those moms? Amazing.</p>
<p>I made the obligation point, oldfort. I refined the “entertaining” thought, marite.</p>
<p>Seriously people need to read more carefully, imo.</p>
<p>Under any circumstance a student should be interview in an interviewer’s house. Student should not be interviewed in anyone’s house.
EXCEPTIONS?
Could I think in an exception to that proper rule?
Perhaps the house is located in the university land? Well my answer is still NO. </p>
<p>Perhaps is an organized event where many students will be interviewed at the interviewers’ house and they will be other personnel present verifying the list of students and appointments? I will still think it is unprofessional and will not consider the university in my highest regard.</p>
<p>Mummom,
I don’t see why the expectations for a parent to be “invited in” would differ whether the interview takes place in a home or a Starbucks. In either case, the parent really is not supposed to be part of the interview. The parent can just as easily drop their kid off at a home or a Starbucks and kill time elsewhere. </p>
<p>Also, this is not the same as a social call. You refer to your kids’ friends’ parents who drop them off and so on. I surely invite those parents in, of course!!! But an interview is not a social visit. </p>
<p>I also have explained that I am open to a parent greeting me at the door but that there is no place in my home for them to occupy themselves where they would NOT be privy to the interview. It is not appropriate for them to be able to hear the interview. I have never seen a parent who assumes they are supposed to stay in my home during the interview. All seem to understand the protocol. The parent provides transportation and occupies themself elsewhere during the duration of the interview. They are not an invited guest. As an interviewer, I’m not entertaining people in my home as you describe. I am doing a job. It is a formal thing, not a “visit” type experience. You mention if you drop your kid off to interview at Starbucks, you will go off some place and occupy yourself. The same should be for the same kind of interview that happens to use a house for a venue. The home venue is not meant to provide a “homey” experience. Rather, it is more convenient for the interviewer, who is a VOLUNTEER, to not have to travel to conduct the interview (and in my case, in my rural community, there are very few places to conduct such an interview anyway, particularly in the evening or on the weekend). </p>
<p>Younghoss…
Your example is not analogous to the college alum interview. For one thing, you are an employer who is hiring someone. An alum interviewer is a volunteer. As volunteers, we try to accommodate the student, but the bottom line is that the student has to adapt some to the situation as well. We arrange a time that works for the student. We do it at appropriate times of day. We don’t make them come over at 3 AM just like you don’t. We don’t make them miss school to come over either. And no matter the role of the interviewer or employer, nobody would interview anyone in their underwear. So, yes, we also adapt to the situation. But that doesn’t mean we travel all over the place to meet each kid we have volunteered to interview. Asking them to come to where we are located (and our “job” doesn’t involve a corresponding office for “alum interviewers”) is a fair expectation, along with accommodations of schedules and such. For that matter, my office for work is in my home as well. But “alum interviewers” don’t have an office for the purpose of this volunteer job either. You imply that we do what is handiest for ourselves. That is not true. I know that I am constantly adapting my schedule to work with the students’ schedule so that they can come when it is convenient for them. But I do draw the line in traveling to meet each one since I am not a paid employee or employer which is what your example is about.</p>
<p>Well, you brought up the case of the mom looking through the window of Walmart, etc… What has THAT to do with college interviews? Amazing…
In fact, I would say that the story of the mom who caused the lockdown of a bookstore has a lot more to do with this topic than your stories about Walmart because it happened to be about an interview for Brown. Remember? college interviews? Not for Dj, not for Walmart, not in a private home? But I do think the mom should have emulated you and parked somewhere else for the duration .:)</p>
<p>I never talked about “looking through” any “window” marite. Don’t know where you got that. Maybe pg said it. I have never and never would look through any window at my S’s interview!!</p>
<p>pg brought up the mall/McDonald’s analogy and I was simply <em>responding</em> to her questions. I did not bring up high school job interviews first.</p>
<p>Perhaps the Brown interview story is interesting on it’s own merits, but to relate it in any way to people posting here is not appropriate, imo.</p>
<p>It’s years since I’ve interviewed for my alma mater but in case I am ever tempted to volunteer again, i will re-read this thread and it will remind me not to go near it with a ten foot pole.</p>
<p>I interview college seniors and grad students all the time in my professional life and there has been a noticeable shift in the social contract in the last ten years. And I see that shift on this thread. I am feeling like Methuselah but after wading through the controversy I feel compelled to note that kids do tend to pick up on their parents attitude towards these kinds of things. So as my colleagues and I in recruiting constantly bemoan the state of affairs among the “post millennials” we interview, I will have to remind them that it takes a village and that the attitudes we see in the 22 and 27 years olds came from someplace.</p>
<p>Interviews take place at the convenience of the person doing the interviewing. That doesn’t mean that a kid should jump in a taxi and spend $80 getting to a remote location at the drop of a hat. But by and large, if it is possible to do an interview at a time and place that works for the interviewer that is not monstrously costly or inconvenient for the person being interviewed- well, that’s the way it works. I talk to candidates frequently who want to know why they can’t interview on Sunday since it is inconvenient to have to take a lunch hour or leave work early during the week. I talk to candidates who work on the West Side of Manhattan who want to know if my company will pay for a taxi to get them back to work from my office on the East side. Or college seniors who can’t make it to an information session held on their campus at the career development office at 6 pm and they don’t know why we can’t do two sessions, one at 6 and one at 8 or 8:30 pm. And college seniors who miss the deadline for resume drop in September or October (we take out half page and sometimes full page ads in the college daily newspaper with all the relevant deadlines) and want to apply late and then chastise a recruiting assistant for not having emailed a reminder to all the students that the deadline was approaching. And of course the students who change their interview date about 4 times and get mad if they end up having an 8 am slot since they are largely nocturnal and can’t get anywhere at 8 am.</p>
<p>I don’t think you should let your 17 year old kid meet strangers in locations that feel weird to you. Nor do I think it’s fair to expect volunteers to twist themselves up into a knot finding a Starbucks that’s convenient for your kid just because you are uncomfortable with what the interviewer suggests.</p>
<p>So decline the interview. Just say no. To expect someone to pay a babysitter and drive 15 miles after a long day of work to pick a suitably quiet public place to meet your kid is really outrageous. Or to ask someone who has stacked their interviews (as I used to do) and has 4 kids coming in 45 minute intervals to suddenly move all the other kids around to acomodate your discomfort is also obnoxious.</p>
<p>And now you’re teaching your kid a valuable lesson for the future when they are the candidate for a job or an internship or a fellowship or are being confirmed by a Senate sub-committee. The person being evaluated is the person who jumps through the hoops. Not the other way around.</p>
<p>I did not say you did or would, mummom. I responded to this particular post of yours. I realize it is in response to another post. What would be an analogous situation when an applicant is interviewed in a private home? If the parent were to peer in, I might suspect my house is being cased by potential burglars. If the parent were to ring the bell while the interview is still on, that would be disruptive.
I actually think you did the right thing by making yourself scarce. But I do not think you had to make yourself invisible or freeze (I happen to think that, wind chill factor or not, 20 degrees is way too cold!). If a parent had walked to the door, I might have invited him/her in (my house is not open plan like Soozie’s), but I would also have expected the parent to decline. Still, if the parent had not, I would not have held it against the student. But that’s all hypothetical. My kids are no longer in college, and having read this thread, I have decided not to volunteer to be a college interviewer! There are way too many ways of either giving offence or being offended!</p>
Where we live if it is in the mid 40s (which it rarely is) we hibernate. If, on rare occasions, you can see your breath…don’t let the dogs out. They won’t go out in frigid weather either. Just a matter of perspective…</p>