<p>Applause for Blossom’s post. “The person being evaluated is the person who jumps through the hoops. Not the other way around.”…that says it all. </p>
<p>As an alum interviewer, I try to accommodate students’ schedules and am flexible as my own job is flexible and my kids no longer live at home. But at some point, they have to take or leave what I am offering. I can’t run all over the region to meet them all and change things to such a degree based on each person’s wishes. I am a volunteer after all. I put a lot of time into volunteering to do this and I’m startin’ to feel unappreciated based on some parent posts here as to expectations they have of us as interviewers (not to mention the comment much earlier in the thread that the students are doing us a favor and that interviewers are not the one doing the favor!)</p>
<p>As a parent, I expect my kid to do whatever they can to make an interview for college, grad school, or a job. They can try to negotiate times a bit but have to adjust to what is being offered. </p>
<p>I can think of ONE exception. Last year, my D had an interview offer for a summer job in Paris and they expected her to come to Paris for the interview and she drew the line. She had worked in Paris before for a similar type job for a summer and was not expected to travel there for the interview. Subsequently, she has been in contact with them since that and there was a miscommunication and they don’t require her to come in person for an interview if just a summer job and so right now, arrangements are being made to do a phone interview for this summer. </p>
<p>Also, two summers ago, one firm in LA wanted her to come there to interview for a summer job and she just could not afford to do that for just a summer internship. She declined. This was odd to us as it was a branch office of the firm she had already worked in another summer in Paris. </p>
<p>Otherwise, my kids do what is required to have interviews, even ones that are pretty far away.</p>
<p>A great post except for one thing. Actually, the thing we have been discussing the entire thread. There are people here who do NOT WANT to turn down the opportunity to interview, for many reasons, and yet still have concerns about the venue. So they twist themselves into pretzels to prevent all the things they might anticipate the interviewer might think ill of. That’s fine, we laughed about our experience, but I just feel for the kids who stress enough about what to wear, what to say, what to drink/eat, etc. etc. without the added concerns about the home venue for some. Because in the end, for the most part, these interviews are of so little importance anyway.</p>
<p>Post 752…
Mummom,
Your kid CAN decline what is being offered. The person with the upper hand as to deciding what will be offered is the interviewer. If some of the circumstances of the interview appointment are not comfortable for you or your kid, or not to your liking, just decline. My kid declined the interview for a summer internship in Paris and LA. Not to her liking as she could not afford to invest money in order to take a summer internship. Someone else might. Many are fine with alum interviews in homes. If you aren’t, decline them. They are optional.</p>
<p>You may not wish to decline but the fact of the matter is, the offer is what it is. The offer need not accommodate each applicant’s concerns or desires or convenience.</p>
<p>For example, my own kid, as well as many of my advisees, have to audition to get into college. It means many trips and you have to go on the exact audition dates and you have no choice as to convenience. If you want to have a chance at admissions, you have to travel there on the dates and times they have scheduled for these auditions. You can take it or leave it. The school does NOT accommodate your schedule or venue. Is it inconvenient? You betcha. Costly too but that is another matter. These colleges don’t have to do what YOU want or prefer. YOU (or your kid truthfully) has to decide what you are willing to do according to what is offered.</p>
<p>I think one issue here is that you stated up thread, mummom, that the kids are doing the interviewer a favor. Most of us interviewers feel we are doing the students a favor. </p>
<p>So, if you set out to look at it as you have, then I can see why you expect the interviewer to accommodate your wishes and concerns.</p>
<p>I don’t get what the big angst is. The applicant and her mom are not comfortable being interviewed in a private home, feel that the interview is not very important, but do not dare decline?</p>
<p>RE: post #746:
Then your choice is to either decline if you don’t like what is being offered since it is optional OR if you really want the interview, adjust to what the school is offering you and deal with it if you feel this is what you must do in order to have a chance of being admitted. </p>
<p>On the other hand, you are the same person who wrote that the interview is superfluous and so I am not sure why you went against your great discomfort to do the interview if you felt it was unnecessary in the first place or doesn’t count for anything.</p>
<p>No, younghoss. No one would argue that it would be appropriate for you to interview someone at 3:30 in the morning in your pajamas. Don’t be an ass.</p>
<p>To answer Marite’s recent query to me: When I met with an interviewee in my home before work or at my job just before work began, I was typically in whatever clothes I was going to dj in that night. Occasionally suit and tie, sometimes tie with no jacket, sometimes tuxedo shirt and jeans as was the style sometimes, in mid-80’s. Always with pants.
While not an exact comparison, I was hoping to show a number of points with my analogy. I felt many principles were common with my experience.
Among them, in random order:</p>
<p>Single man interviewing young man or woman
Sometimes in public, sometimes in my home. Although home offered a less distracting opportunity
My own comfort isn’t my #1 concern
I didn’t think 3:30 in the morning fully clothed was ok, let alone wearing less.
One could reasonably expect an individual of 25 -m or f- for example, to be more comfortable in a single man’s home interviewing than a 17 yr old might feel. My expectations of their confidence and comfort would be different than if they were 17.
Seems reasonable to me to expect more out of such a young adult than from a high-schooler.
Yet I put the comfort, even of someone 25, above my own convenience if reasonable “middle ground” could be achieved, above my preference for my own convenience. I would not have driven a half hour(for example) to find neutral ground, I’d choose my workplace. It was likely where they’d be training anyway. If they couldn’t make it there, then we could not do each other any good.
That a 3 a.m. interview is not really out of the ordinary for nightclub dj, or seeking that field. Yet, I chose more typical hours for the ease of the interviewee.
And that although I knew I would neither attack them nor falsely accuse them of anything, they didn’t know that about me.
And lastly, do I want to put myself in the position that I may be harmed, in the many many ways I have said before- not just rape please, if I can easily and reasonably feel more confident/comfortable? If it is with great difficulty, perhaps not, but if it’s relatively easy? And that point holds true for both parties</p>
<p>I can lament with Ultra, post 740, but how can I reasonably expect someone who doesn’t know me to trust me? How could I have earned their trust? Or how could they have earned mine?</p>
<p>Yes! I actually there’s a bit of polite fiction going on there. “Oh, Mrs. Smith, it’s nice to meet you! Would you like to come in?” “Oh, no thank you, I’m just going to run some errands while (Billy and Suzy play with Legos, Bob interviews for college). I’ll be back in about an hour!” The implicit agreement is that it’s a social nicety, not a real invitation for Mrs. Smith to come in and hang out.</p>
<p>I think for the most part they count very little, if at all. On the other hand, based on all I’ve learned here and in other reading, you can never be sure they they might not give your kid a boost somehow. Obviously, our kids are very ambitious, or they wouldn’t be applying to these schools. For myself, I did not care, as I believe they matter little. But for my KID, it was something he wanted very much to do to optimize his chances in any way possible, however far fetched the chance might be. Ultimately, it was his decision, not mine. All of his college decisions were his alone. He never even let me take a peak at his essays!Which I respected.</p>
<p>If the only option provided by a “dream university” would have been an interview in a private home…you bet that as a mother I will stay in the balcony or driveway waiting for my s or D. I would have instructed S/D to have a cell in their pockets with speed dial to my phone!!!</p>
<p>A student should not be interviewed in anyone’s house.</p>
<p>younghoss…you are an employer. You are not a volunteer. Further, you are arranging the interview between two parties. The alum interviews are an arrangement through a third party (the college) and on record. The interviewer is a volunteer. The interviewer may not have an office (as this is not a job related interview). An interviewer for a college may not live in a central or populated location. They are assigned interviewees from a wide region who come to them to have the interview which is still a shorter distance than traveling to the campus for the interview. The situations just are not the same as a employer/employee. This is not a job interview. </p>
<p>Greenery…yes, it would be fine if the student’s parent is waiting in the driveway and the student has a cell to call if there is a problem. I haven’t ever read of a problem of note at an alum interview in a home. Have you?</p>
<p>Younghoss:
I still do not think your situation is analogous to a college interview. I would expect that anyone wanting to interview at 3:30am would not want that to happen in his private home, no matter what age. It may be awfully difficult to find a cafe that is open at that hour, but I still would not want the interview at 3:30 am in a private home (the gender is immaterial). And I certainly would take exception to someone wanting to interview in his pyjamas, no matter what hour of the day or night, no matter how tired he is after a gig.
So I am glad that you chose to interview in a public place, presumably dressed for such a setting, whether in jeans and T-shirt or tux.</p>
<p>Greenery:
The question is not whether students should be interviewed in private homes. They are. That is the reality of the college application process.</p>
<p>I’m sure this has been said, but: Any college interviewer who takes your daughter to his house is not worth your D’s time. The fact that the interviewer finds this normal is disturbing. Who does that??? It’s creepy–I’d cross the school off the list.</p>
<p>Ah. HYPSM… The list goes on. Keep in mind that the colleges that require an interview are among the most selective. I doubt that state schools require one.</p>
<p>But you may decline the interview. They are optional. Further, most interviewers on this thread have said that if a student requested a venue that was mutually convenient and not in the home, they would be accommodated as best as possible. I have yet to have ANY student make such a request in over a dozen years of doing this. Perhaps us country folk are more trusting. I don’t know. The students who come to my home come across as quite comfortable. It has been almost more relaxed than the times I traveled to a city to meet applicants at a table in a cafe. Until I read this thread, I didn’t realize this was such a problem for some parents.</p>
<p>I also don’t know about you guys, but my teen daughters babysat at homes of people we don’t know and also went over classmates’ homes we don’t know and so were with adults in homes that we don’t know. They also did homestays with people we don’t know. The alum interview was set up using a third party (through a college system). I have never had qualms about my kid attending one. It is less risky than the previous situations mentioned. Also, not to mention…the parent could opt to stay parked in the driveway if so concerned.</p>