Do I allow my daughter to go to the home of Ivy alumnus to be interviewed?

Parents Forum
781

<p>blossom…I agree. I am feeling unappreciated for all these volunteer hours after reading this thread! And to think I was trying to help both the college and the student applicants!</p>

<p>You are right, too, that mommy and daddy are not welcome to job interviews or jobs and the like. Most 17 and 18 year olds interview for jobs and summer internships and the like. The parent should not accompany them other than transportation, if necessary. The college interview is one of many situations teens and young adults will find themselves in. They will have to learn how to manage to do this in order to succeed.</p>

782

<p>Soozievt…probably that’s commendable from alumni volunteers to offer their time.
However, I will not recruit volunteers that interview from their home. There are potential problems not only for the student but also for the interviewer. A volunteer is representing an organization and the conduct should be and should have the appearance of professionalism. IMO an interview in an interviewer’s house is not proper and still does not reflect well to the university the interviewer is representing.</p>

<p>As you have read here many parents are not happy with this situation. Great predicament for parents, students and potential problems for students, parents, interviewers and universities represented.</p>

783

<p>Well, Greenery, luckily after doing this for over a dozen years, I have not encountered any concern from students or parents, though would be willing to accommodate a change of venue. </p>

<p>However, where I live, I can’t think of anywhere to interview an applicant after 5:30 at night. I live in a rural area and the only thing open after 5:30 PM is a restaurant or bar. These are NOT cafes either.</p>

784

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<p>Thanks for stating this as your opinion, as you and others are entitled. For me, I think it’s perfectly proper and acceptable to have a home interview, , and even think it’s preferable than other venues that are common. </p>

<p>I fear that our society is becoming too fearful of one another. So much for “It takes a village.” Seems like too many fear that the local villager is likely to be an axe murderer or rapist. Just inviting a stranger into your home is seen as “improper.” </p>

<p>Thank god I grew up in a different time. I hope my now adult kids never feel so threatened by the
world around them that they can’t make an educated judgment about their safety in what is almost certainly a very safe situation.</p>

785

<p>Been away for a while . . . </p>

<p>Greenery: “many parents are not happy with this situation” . . . but, as it turns out, many ARE OK with it, and I still haven’t seen more than 1-1/2 kids say they had any problem with it, while multiple young people have said that they had BETTER interviews in people’s homes. And it is a really common practice among interviewers, and helps make enough interview slots available to be able to offer interviews to kids who want them. Does none of that matter to you? Do you consider the opinions of others, ever, or do you just look in the mirror and spout off?</p>

<p>In any event, if you think in-home interviews reflect badly on an institution, you are free to advise your children not to apply to the institutions that permit them. Not only will that relieve some of the load at the admissions departments at those colleges, but it will probably increase your kids’ acceptance batting-average anyway, so it’s win-win-win all around. </p>

<p>mummom: Pursuing some of the implications of working out different expectations has made this thread interesting, if a little recondite.</p>

<p>First off, let me be clear about my expectations for independent behavior from young men and women: Of course I wouldn’t care if their moms had to drive them somewhere! It’s not like I live on the moon! I do live in a city where you can get lots of places by public transportation fairly easily, and my kids were expected to do that when they could, since parents were rarely available to drive them anywhere during convenient hours. And later, they had access to the family minivan, and driver’s licenses. But I know lots of kids would get rides places, from moms or from friends. I wouldn’t expect them to pretend not.</p>

<p>What I would expect, however, would be (a) that a kid wouldn’t feel petrified of an interview in someone’s home, or office, or wherever, (b) that if the kid DID have a problem, the kid would handle it him- or herself, not through parents, and (c) that the kid not need to have his or her parents physically present at the interview in order to function. I don’t think those are unreasonable expectations. I think most people would view not meeting them as a negative for the kid (with the possible exception of (a) of course, but note that I said “petrified”).</p>

<p>As for what politeness requires when a parent brings a kid to an at-home interview: that’s a toughie for me. The one time I did it, I dropped the kid off and drove away; he was going to call when he was done. I went shopping a few miles away. If I interviewed a kid at home, I’m pretty certain that’s what most parents would do. If a parent were going to wait in the driveway, I would certainly want to invite her in – I always invited in parents of kids’ friends who came to pick said friends up – but I wouldn’t want her to be “present” at the interview, and our house layout isn’t conducive to privacy between public areas. (I would NOT be doing the interview in my bedroom, nor would I stuff the mom in there to wait.) If my wife were home and were willing to entertain the mom in some other room, that might make it possible, but (a) my wife isn’t home that much, and (b) when she is, she is rarely in the mood to entertain strangers to make my life easier, so that would be kind of a fantasy.</p>

<p>So what I would probably do is talk to the mom in the driveway and tell her where the nearest Starbucks was, so she could go there (or to one of the shops in the adjacent blocks) to wait. People who meet me rarely think I am a candidate to molest their kids, so that might help a little. If despite everything, she wanted to wait in the driveway, while the kid kept her finger on the cellphone panic button, that would be fine with me, and I would be certain to leave the door open or unlocked. </p>

<p>But, guess what? I’m not going to resume interviewing any time soon, not after this thread. (And of course I’m not such a big fan of my alma mater’s admissions office anymore. So it goes.)</p>

786

<p>Um, of course college has several risks. And creepy interviews are just one of those you avoid. I really have to raise an eyebrow at an “alum” who can’t leave their own house. Colleges that produce people like that are NOT right.</p>

787

<p>“The implicit agreement is that it’s a social nicety, not a real invitation for Mrs. Smith to come in and hang out.”</p>

<p>I agree, if it were a lovely fall, summer or spring evening. I could easily say, “Oh, thanks, but I’ll just wait in the car and enjoy the lovely spring air!”
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What kind of an idiot would seriously say, “Oh, thanks, but I’ll just wait in the car with the motor running for an hour and a half (even though it’s freezing cold out here! I love the cold!!”?</p>

<p>And what if the person is one of those interviewers (who have posted here) who genuinely does want to invite you in and tuck you away in a pleasant room with a magazine and coffee? What then? What if they might take it the wrong way if you refused? </p>

<p>Really, there is no wrong or right answer. One would think all schools would do what Cornell does. I guess SV wouldn’t volunteer then. I don’t know…my son said all his Tufts interviewer did the entire interview was talk about himself (as an example).</p>

<p>SV “A college interview is not a professional situation. It is not a job interview.” - paraphrasing.</p>

<p>What? You are saying it is not a professional interview situation while saying the exact opposite in other posts??</p>

<p>“People who meet me <em>rarely</em> think I am a candidate to molest their kids so that might help a little.” Well, that’s good to know! (very funny)</p>

788

<p>What’s an “illumni”?</p>

789

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<p>An alum who waited in the car too long in 20 degrees.</p>

790

<p>I can’t believe this thread has gone on for so long. I just don’t understand the big deal.</p>

791

<p>“I really have to raise an eyebrow at an “alum” who can’t leave their own house. Colleges that produce people like that are NOT right.”</p>

<p>Yeah, lots to raise one’s eyebrows at. The alum could be infirm, lack transportation, have responsibilities necessitating that they stay home while interviewing (eg perhaps they have kids who aren’t old enough to be left alone) or they lack the time to be able to interview outside of their home. Definitely any alum who would interview in their home is not right, and one should turn down any offers of interviews from such obviously disturbed people.</p>

<p>(j/k)</p>

792

<p>I can see many volunteer interviewers no longer wanting to do interviews after this thread.</p>

793

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<p>The big deal is that we can’t trust our judgment anymore. Even if a the dangers of a situation are statistically zero, we must be afraid. And we also shouldn’t offer hospitality to anyone in our homes that we don’t know, as it will be perceived as creepy.</p>

794

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<p>“Everyone must share my anxieties about the admissions process, or else I’ll imply that they want their children to be killed by an alumni interviewer!” </p>

<p>“If I am comfortable with something, everyone must be comfortable with it or else they’re pushy, overbearing morons.”</p>

<p>Around and around in circles…</p>

795

<p>I don’t personally interview at my house (though I’m not a parent…yet), but I’m truly appalled that there are parents who think any alum interviewer who requests an interview at his or her house is a creep or is a poor reflection on their alma mater. </p>

<p>Many alumni who are single have the good sense NOT to interview at their place of residence precisely due to such paranoia; older alum who do tend to have family around–their spouses, children, dogs etc. </p>

<p>Furthermore, inviting an applicant/prospective student to one’s home is simply a warm, welcoming gesture to me. Remember that most of the schools that DO interview applicants are those that tend to be small or mid-sized schools, with tight-knit, strong alum networks. These networks are meant to provide professional AND social benefit for alum, and connecting applicants with alumni is simply an introduction to this world. I really see nothing improper about all of this. </p>

<p>With that said, are there creepy, mentally-disturbed alum interviewers out there? I’m almost certain there are. The chances of your son or daughter encountering one, let alone being attacked or molested by one? Probably the same as being hit and killed by a falling brick as you walk down a street. Possible, but improbable.</p>

796

<p>The chances of being hurt in a car accident on the way to the interview are much greater than the chances of being hurt by the interviewer.</p>

<p>Your comments about the small school alumni networks seems very true to me, windcloud. It so happens that the one “at home” interview my daughter went to was for a small liberal arts college in the northeast. (we’re in socal) He was an older gentleman with wife at home.</p>

797

<p>Greenery, I hope your child declines any interview or situation which you feel is inappropriate or potentially inappropriate.</p>

<p>However, I did not interview in my home because I was afraid to leave my house. I interviewed in my home because after spending 10+ hours in my office, and without a secretary after hours to go to the reception area to retrieve a visitor, it was simply the best way for me to make optimal use of the hours I had available for interviewing. My home was conveniently located near public transportation and indeed, most mature 11 year olds (and immature 14 year olds) in my neighborhood regularly took public transportation to the orthodontist, library or whatnot. So the expectation that a 17 year old could find their way to my door (either with mom or a friend dropping off in a car or by themselves in a car or via public transportation) was in fact, the norm in my neighborhood. And to expect that same kid to find their way to an office park located in a suburban area only accessible via car or taxi, in my mind, is really an imposition.</p>

<p>So rather than being the boorish, selfish, and potential sex offender that you all make us out to be-- I tried hard to make the interviews convenient for both parties. I would hope that any parent who felt that a meeting in my home was dangerous or reflected poorly on my college would simply suggest to their child that they decline the interview, and then decide not to apply.</p>

<p>But I am curious as to the logic that because you don’t think the interview system reflects well on the school, you believe that this is a practice that should be eliminated immediately. Again, I am reminded of all the college seniors my company interviews who are busy helping us re-engineer our hiring system to make it more convenient for them. Many of them don’t like the fact that we interview early in the year- it’s too hard for them to work on their resumes at the beginning of the semester and they’d much rather interview later. Many of them think it stinks that when we make an offer, we give a deadline (usually two months, in order to allow the student to interview to their hearts delight anywhere else) since nobody likes deadlines. Many of them object to our practice of requiring a transcript when they apply for a job. Some of them are really annoyed that we ask their GPA. (this is a direct quote from someone at a recent information session, “You aren’t really going to evaluate me on the basis of my grades are you?” I was dying to say, “no, I’m going to evaluate you on the basis of your $%^& attitude” but I kept my lip zipped to set a professional example to the younger members of my team.)</p>

<p>I don’t think the colleges are discriminating against a particular race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. by allowing alumni interviews to take place in someone’s home. But if the practice offends you just say no, why do you feel it necessary to change the system for the thousands of people for whom it seems to be working???</p>

798

<p>“I can see many volunteer interviewers no longer wanting to do interviews after this thread.”</p>

<p>Why? ALL the power is on their side of the equation. They can, and do, expect students/parents to find rural homes, drive on dirt roads in anything other than icy conditions (snow doesn’t count), and have the parent drop student off and “drive around” for an hour or more in an unfamiliar area , (and twenty degrees is not cold). (Unless, of course, the student drives him/herself, in which case there must not be any thoughts about having one’s kid meet a stranger, with possibly no one else present, in a rural home!)There are no coffee shops around, probably no Target shopping strip areas either. So parent does this and has no choice other than to force their S/D not to have the interview against their wishes if they are not inclined to do it. Of course, they do it. Is it any wonder the interviewers proclaim they have never heard anything negative from student or parent about this set-up?</p>

<p>I am not getting why having the power to give a student two alternatives: my way or it’s the highway, would cause the interviewer to want to cease interviewing. Because they feel unappreciated? Really?</p>

799

<p>Mummom, I’d hate to think that any volunteer work that I do would cause pain to the folks I’m trying to help. Just like all the articles in the newspapers last week not to send baby formula, old shoes, last years prom dress, and all other useless items to Haiti. It hurts more than it helps. So all the interviewers out there thinking that they’re helping kids who can’t afford to shlep across the country to visit a college get a sense of what the place is like from someone who went there and presumably loved it… boy, might as well pack up some leftover macaroni and cheese and put it on a plane for some earthquake victim.</p>

800

<p>I hope no one decides not to donate money for earthquake relief in Haiti just because of this thread.</p>