Do I allow my daughter to go to the home of Ivy alumnus to be interviewed?

[blossom]

<p>Emptynester, thanks for the question, “why do it” to which the only logical answer based on this thread is “god only knows”.</p>

<p>I lived in a city in the Midwest; I was an alum of an East coast college which I loved; although I was not from the prep school, “do you summer in Newport or Kennebunkport” set, I had a fantastic college experience and it broadened my horizons in every possible way- intellectual, artistic, social, religious.</p>

<p>So living far away from the college, and in a region where the college was working hard to bolster its representation, I really felt that I was not only doing something nice for them but doing something really special for the kids in the area. There were other alums working on events to build awareness, professionals from the U working with guidance counselors and principals to identify kids who might be interested, and even parents of the few kids who were enrolled who were happy to host coffees, info sessions, etc.</p>

<p>My work/home schedule didn’t permit me to do these things- unfortunately. The one thing I felt I could contribute was interviewing- which the admissions office made clear could be done at my convenience, based on my constraints and my schedule. Obviously I wasn’t to make any kid do an interview at midnight or take expensive cab rides just to make my life easier, but alumni interviewing was considered a really good thing to do for prospective students and their families. Especially if you didn’t have a lot of time on weekends to do the coffees, the meet and greets, etc. Interviews could be done in the evening after work, in the privacy of your own home (nice for me! No need to pay the sitter extra to stay late or worry if my spouse would be in town.)</p>

<p>But in retrospect, all those kids I met in all those years- many of whom had been urged to apply to my college by a guidance counselor but in fact had never actually met someone who went to my college-- turns out I was making them uncomfortable. The kids I met had gone through the literature and seen the pictures and had read the PR and still they worried that the school was primarily for Rockefellers (the name on the Humanities library) and their ilk. So meeting me in my perfectly ordinary living room and hearing my story seemed to me to be a great way to show kids that you didn’t need to be a Rockefeller (or to “summer” in Newport) to fit in.</p>

<p>Hindsight and all that. I am generally not nostalgic when the “old way” passes. I think the multicultural and multiracial and all the multis on college campuses today is so far superior to the old days that it’s painful to hear that people miss the days when Yale was all male or when the only black faces at Princeton were from the kitchen staff.</p>

<p>But to discourage alumni who live in out of the way places from telling their story to prospective high school kids? Sure, the old alma mater won’t exactly fall down the hill when the admisssions office bans interviews anywhere but Starbucks or McDonalds. But make it more inconvenient or harder or more onerous – and suggest that the families that we think are so grateful are actually gritting their teeth because the interviews are so damn painful for them-- well, good-bye interviewers. Why bother. I can write my check for whatever to the alumni fund and another $50 donation to the library every time I hear that a favorite professor has died and then I’ll call it a night.</p>

[Greenery]

<p>“Yep, a public library is a safe place to be. NOT!”</p>

<p>What kind of statement is that? I would rather prefer a public library instead of an interviewer’s house.</p>

[barrons]

<p>Many public libraries are full of people of dubious hygiene and other questionable behavior. You don’t even want to use the restroom. Depending on location coffee joints can be nearly as bad. Not to mention we just had four cops killed at a nice suburban coffee shop.</p>

[JHS]

<p>

I would rather prefer a public library instead of an interviewer’s house.

</p>

<p>Yes, we get that. Feel free to tell that to your next college interviewer. I’m sure he will try to accommodate you if he can.</p>

<p>But your preference is just that – your preference. It’s not universal, and it’s not more correct than anyone else’s preferences.</p>

[Pizzagirl]

<p>Apropos of this thread, I just received this email from my alma mater’s local alumni club (bolding is mine):</p>

<p>"Invite a XXX International Student to your Superbowl Party!</p>

<p>The International Office at XXX is matching up International Students with community members in Evanston/Chicago who are interested in sharing their Superbowl experience this Sunday, February 7, 2010. Invite them over to your house, invite them to the local bar, invite them to your friend’s house!" followed by details of how to offer your house.</p>

[soozievt]

<p>Greenery…Post 1058…</p>

<p>

Let’s not consider the personal problems of the interviewers; "My house is better for an interview, I live in a rural area, I don’t know how to coordinate with a school, the school will say no to my request, I can interview in underwear, I can interview at the time is more comfortable for me…we have read many things here so far…

</p>

<p>I feel you are paraphrasing some posts I have written. I never said I don’t know how to coordinate with the school. The school knows me. My kids went there from grades 7-12. But my candidates usually are NOT from that high school (they are from schools in about a 50 mile radius from me) and I don’t think I should use my kids’ school (who no longer attend) for my outside activities. Further, they are not open on the weekend or evenings when many of the interviews take place. Further, our library is not open at night and only a few hours on Sat. morning. Our library is very small (this town has a population of 1700) and so there are just TWO rooms and they are NOT private and so anyone would hear the interview, let alone one is supposed to be quiet in those areas. Not a viable option. </p>

<p>As far as the time, I have repeatedly said that I do NOT name a time for their interview. I ask them when THEY can do it and ask them to give me some options and we mutually agree on a day and time. But you also are knocking that the interviewer may wish to do what is convenient for themself and what is wrong with that? While i happen to try to find a time convenient for the student, I certainly don’t like criticism of anything I may do that is convenient for me (such as the venue and not wanting to travel to do the interview). After all, I am a VOLUNTEER. Not only that, but in an interivewer/interviewee situation, the interviewer has the upper hand to call the shots if he/she desires, not the interviewee. The interviewer can decide to find a mutually agreeable time or a mutually agreeable place. But the interviewer has the final say. The interviewee can take or leave the offer.</p>

[dmd77]

<p>I’m amused by the suggestion of the public library. Back when I was a high school student, I spent a LOT of time at the library, where most Saturdays one or another of our local Philadelphia perverts would flash his private parts at me. Seriously. I had it down to a routine. I found a quiet corner; I settled down with a book; the pervert found me; I yelled; the librarian came and took him away. Since I never ended up in court, I assume they were lectured and let go. (I must have looked more vulnerable than I was, since this kind of thing went on until I was about twenty-five. I estimated once that I saw about 100 strangers expose themselves between age 12 and age 25.) (None of them were alumni interviewers… that I know of, anyway.)</p>

[DonnaL]

<p>Having people expose themselves in the public library, the bus, the subway, the street, etc., seems to be a childhood and/or adolescent experience common to just about every woman of my generation I know who grew up in New York City. I guess the same must be true of Philadelphia. From what I’ve been told, this (fortunately) isn’t such a universal experience anymore. At least in New York. There used to be many, many arrests each year for what the cops and ADA’s called “weenie-wagging.” Maybe people have other outlets now. Who knows.</p>

<p>The only time it’s happened to me was within the last year, at a Chinese restaurant of all places, while I was waiting for a take out order in a chair screened from the front desk by a rather large potted plant. </p>

<p>But never at an interview, either in someone’s home (when I was in high school), or in a hotel room (when I was in law school). My son’s Yale alumni interview was in the guy’s house, not far from where we live. No problems.</p>

[soozievt]

<p>The thing is…an alum interviewer is not the same as contact with random strangers!</p>

<p>In any case, we acknowledge that some, for whatever reason, feel uncomfortable with college interviews in homes. Likewise, some feel uncomfortable with college interviews in offices and public venues. But the interviews in homes will continue and so the option is to either request another venue, not take the optional interview offer, or manage to do something that has some level of discomfort as many things do require one to do so. That doesn’t mean the system must change.</p>

<p>For those of you who are dissing alum interviews in private homes, I’d love to at least hear some mention of appreciation of the volunteer efforts of these interviewers. Instead, I feel like you are annoyed at these volunteers.</p>

[emptynester2]

<p>From a handbook given to alumni interviewers for one Ivy institution:</p>

<p>“It is preferable to conduct the interview in a public place such as a business office, local library, coffee shop, or even the applicant’s school, if you check in advance and a room is available. Comments vary depending on the community, but increasingly, prospective students and parents express discomfort about interviews conducted in private homes.”</p>

<p>Evidently this school has received some feedback from students and parents. Many students and parents? Dunno.</p>

[jym626]

<p>Which school is that from, emptynester? Why don’t you identify your source?</p>

[Leah321]

<p>“And so we can only leave it to that there is a minority of folks who are so uncomfortable about this situation for personal reasons that others may not be able to relate to and are not based on rational or logical reasons.”</p>

<p>Rational reasons against this have been expressed, and are not the minority, sooziet. Tons of people don’t even know these interviews exist, so taking headcount votes is meaningless. </p>

<p>Either you’re being arrogant with brushing off opposing viewpoints, or you missed them. They are: A) Don’t know you. B) Student much younger. C) Formal interview should be in formal setting. D) Taking A, B, C into account, you want student in your HOME? That is a rather un-PC combination. Bottom line, this all makes for a weird gesture. I do not mind that they exist, and would never want to change that, as they show the type of people who come out of X college - very beneficial.</p>

<p>But so nice to see you deeming others “irrational” or “illogical” because they disagree with you.</p>

[Booklady]

<p>

Having people expose themselves in the public library, the bus, the subway, the street, etc., seems to be a childhood and/or adolescent experience common to just about every woman of my generation I know who grew up in New York City.

</p>

<p>Yep. It happened to me on a bus (the 86th St. crosstown, to be precise). I was probably 11 or 12, but I was such a naive child that while I knew something odd was going on, I didn’t know exactly what!</p>

<p>And just to keep things on-topic:</p>

<p>

My son’s Yale alumni interview was in the guy’s house, not far from where we live. No problems.

</p>

<p>Same with my D’s. It never occurred to me that there could possibly be anything wrong with that. She drove herself, and the only part I played at all was to look at a map with her to make sure she knew how to get there. She returned unscathed.</p>

[soozievt]

<p>Leah, I have acknowledged that I understand that some are uncomfortable with interviews for college that take place in private homes. I have said that they have personal reasons for this that are valid to them. I can appreciate that their feelings and opinions differ. I was also saying that the reasons are not based on logic such as risk assessment. But it is more a personal comfort level and I said I appreciate that difference and in fact, similarly there are some who feel uncomfortable in doing an interview in an office or public venue. In both instances, these are personal reasons about comfort and opinions, but not about risk assessment or rational reasons why the student could not do the interview. </p>

<p>I acknowledge that some have feelings about meeting someone they don’t know who is older than themselves. Those are feelings. They own those feelings. That’s fine. But there is not a logical reason why such a meeting could not happen. The stranger is not a random stranger. The student will have to meet with someone older than themselves one on one many times. This is not unusual. Even a meeting in an office might be behind closed doors. Your point about a formal setting is an opinion. Others may be of the opinion that the alum tries to make the interview less formal and more comfortable in the home. So, I acknowledge different comfort levels and opinions and feelings. It is OK if our opinions differ. But based on pure logic, there is no rational reason that the student is at risk in these college interviews. That was my point.</p>

<p>As far as a head count…I believe that those who don’t want to do an interview with an alum in a home are in the minority, but do exist. Just on this thread alone, they are the minority. The fact that thousands of such interviews take place each year willingly, with no criminal incidents, and the fact that many colleges allow and promote such interviews and have done so for years, indicates that a majority still fall in that camp, even though SOME are uncomfortable with this arrangement and are entitled to their discomfort and opinions, logical or not.</p>

[Pizzagirl]

<p>Leah321, a previous CC post of yours said:</p>

<p>

Once I put my kids in their colleges, they will be very secure. A few calls a day to check on them. I’ll have their schedules memorized so my calls don’t interupt their classes. Their profs and myself will have to email every so often so they can tell me how they’re doing. We are already connected through networking sites and webcam; I’ll know who they are socializing with. I have their passwords (which can readily be changed), so if either miss class or don’t answer my calls … goodbye myspace, facebook, email, everything. We sat on the couch to discuss this. My kids get that you can move across the country from us but the rules never change. Period.

</p>

<p>Given that, you are either an incredibly hovering and overprotective parent, or a ■■■■■.</p>

[soozievt]

<p>

I do not mind that they exist, and would never want to change that, as they show the type of people who come out of X college - very beneficial.

</p>

<p>I can’t tell whether to laugh at this remark or to cry. What kind of people come out of X college based on these alums who do interviews? We are creeps??? Or we are dedicated alum who like to help students with their college admissions process and also give back to our universities who gave so much to us? AND that the alum interviewers do this as volunteer service?</p>

[soozievt]

<p>PG…I missed that post you quoted in 1075 originally! And I thought I had a general idea of my kids’ coming and going and we are in regular contact…but it PALES in comparison to that.</p>

<p>I don’t know where either of my kids are at this very moment. However I talked on the phone today with one who wanted to tell me something and I talked briefly with one last night to wish her well in a solo show she was about to perform. If they travel, they do call as soon as they arrive to let me know they arrived safely. They willingly share about their lives and update us on happenings every few days. I rarely call them because they are busy and let them call us when it is convenient but expect them to call every few days and they do (sometimes it varies…could be 2-7 times per week). We don’t use webcams. I don’t have their passwords. I don’t have to check up on missed classes because my kids have high standards and I don’t have to check on that. They share their grades with us. I don’t expect them to be able to answer a call at any time as they are very very involved every day and evening and so I either leave a message or just expect them to call at times that work well for them. </p>

<p>I know what is going on their lives but not their every move. They are in COLLEGE…it ain’t HS anymore. I DID know their every move in HS, I’ll admit…but college is about INDEPENDENCE. My kids have traveled around the country and to other countries on their own. They tell us the travel arrangements and call to confirm arrivals at each destination. I don’t know what they are doing every minute. But they keep in touch and share a lot. But they are now independent young adults, not under mom’s wing. They share or might ask for guidance but we don’t rule their daily lives anymore. We shouldn’t and we don’t. Yes, it is an adjustment for parents to make when the kids leave home for college. But they MUST. The rules DO change when your kids are over 18 and in college. </p>

<p>PS…while I was very involved in my kids’ schools from nursery school through grade 12 and had contact with teachers and administrators, I have had NONE ever with any teacher or administrator at either of my kids’ colleges (both have now graduated college recently) or their grad schools. It is THEIR job to communicate with these adults at college, not the parents’ job. That is what college is about. I have been a college teacher at many colleges and had no contact ever with parents either.</p>

[marite]

<p>“Their profs and myself will have to email every so often…”
Parents will be lucky if they are provided with their children’s grades under FERPA. And however often parents want to email profs, profs do not want to email parents or receive emails from parents “every so often.”</p>

[mazewanderer]

<p>I have been reading this thread and I feel that there needs to be some sensitivity. I can empathize with parents who are hesitant about sending their child (especially daughters) to someone unknown persons home. I do not believe that this sentiment is wrong or a parent is wrong to have concern.</p>

<p>I also understand that the interviewers are by and large very respectable people who are volunteering their time and the applicant needs to be sensitive to that. Hence, home may be the most convenient to the interviewer. </p>

<p>There is no right and wrong answer here, but if I were to err, it would be on side of the parent of the under aged child. If I were to interview a candidate at my home (male or female), I would given them an out if they felt hesitant or parents were concerned. I would give them a choice and let them decide. </p>

<p>I understand that many of the alumni interviewers and others on this thread feel that there is no extra risk in meeting applicants at home and I would agree with that in most cases. However, let us not minimize a parents anxiety and concern. There must be a middle ground.</p>

[soozievt]

<p>mazewanderer…there IS a middle ground. The interviewers who conduct interviews in private homes have said that if an applicant requests a different venue, they would try to accommodate that. I know I would. Nobody has ever asked me about that or acted hesitant in any manner. But just like I work out the day and time, I am willing to work out the rest. But I first suggest the interview at my home as that is what works best for me. They can see I am very flexible as I ask them what a good day and time is for them and so they surely can ask me if a different venue is possible. Nobody has ever asked. I have not run into anyone minding the interview at the home until I read this thread and I’ve done this for over a dozen years.</p>