<p>I’ve been suspecting lately that my kids are looking at some “illegal” sites online. I installed a blocker on the computer, but i think they may find loopholes. I’d like to install monitoring software to see what’s going on, but i am not sure if it is appropriate to do that.</p>
<p>From a daughter’s perspective, I’d rather my parents ask me up front about it instead of snooping around on my computer. If you snoop and do find something, then you have conformation about what they’re doing but they can turn it against you quickly when they learned how you got your info. You might find yourself wondering how the entire conversation is now them yelling at you about privacy “rights”. Even if you ask them directly and you deny it, they still will understand you are suspicious of then and hopefully will stop.
Also, if you do install this software and get conformation, what will it get you? And how would that provide an advantage to you in a conversation with your kids about it?</p>
<p>If this is a shared family computer I don’t see a problem with installing a blocker, since any viruses picked up from such sites would affect everyone. But I would definitely address the matter with them directly in addition.</p>
<p>When my kid was in HS I came across some porn on our computer. I told him upfront that I did not approve and that I did want to ever encounter such a thing on our computer again. (I also told him WHY I didn’t approve: objectification of women, warped expectations of real life sex, and so on. But I also recognize that most men seem to have a different perspective on the issue than most women) He was too embarrassed to have a lengthy conversation about it, but I never found anything else like that on the computer. </p>
<p>Now that he has his own computer, it is his own business.</p>
<p>I regard this as today’s version of Mom finding the Playboy under the mattress. Not being a boy or having a brother, I don’t know how Moms of yore handled it.</p>
<p>When you say, “illegal” do you actually mean illegal or just against your values as Consolation described. Using Consolation’s example of porn, I don’t think something like xtube is actually illegal, but if something like child pornography were involved it would be illegal and to me personally immoral to a much greater extent.</p>
<p>I’ve heard that the government can now crack down on people who download music and video illegally as well – I believe that there is a new law that allows them access to your internet records – which could implicate you since you pay for the internet. I don’t know how much they’re actually doing with this, but it’s an example. </p>
<p>Of course, it is your computer and your internet and you have the right to set whatever you want, but I think the type of activity that you’re talking about makes a difference.</p>
<p>Also it depends how old they are. My experience was much like Consolation’s except that my objection focused on the viruses and how it would stop us all from using the computer - gosh in those days we actually only had one computer in the house. I knew the draw of newly discovered porn would have been too much for my teen son and he would likely disobey me…so I did tell him that I have ways of knowing which sites he visits and proved it…he stopped…well perhaps only until he got his own laptop a few years later.</p>
<p>Our main way of dealing with our kids “surfing” was to have computers ONLY in common areas of the house where anyone would casually walk by & could see what was on the screen. Both S, D & I had our computers in the same large living room and could easily walk over to talk with one another. They only got laptops the summer before they left for college, at which point we figured they would do & see what they planned to in college anyway & let them use their computers as they wanted to.</p>
<p>I have a friend who regularly monitors & has alerts on the computer so she knows what her kids are viewing. To me, that seemed much too “nanny” for our family so we never went down that road. Her kids are now 19 & 21, so she no longer has such control, I believe. At least when the kids are in college, they don’t answer to her about their computer viewing & usage.</p>
<p>I do know one woman whose adult D used her computer or internet connection do do a lot of illegal downloading and/or other stuff so the mom is having to pay a huge settlement with whatever company was involved. The mom had to get a 2nd job to pay off the amount. Don’t have details but thought that was rather unusual.</p>
<p>I agree with HI Mom. Kids will find a way around software blocking software, especially if they are computer savvy. I would move the computers to a “public” space (e.g. kitchen, family room) where parents are walking by on a regular basis.</p>
<p>This seems like another ■■■■■ post. No responsible parent would question whether this was ‘appropriate’ or not when trying to protect their kids.</p>
<p>I agree GladGradDad. If it’s the home computer,(which it must be if they have installed a blocker) whatever the parents want to do as far as monitoring is “appropriate.”</p>
<p>A post like this could be from a kid who is having this conflict with a parent–not trolling, exactly–more like fishing, to see what parents will say.</p>
<p>I think this is hard to answer without knowing the age of the kids, and just what kind of sites you are talking about, anyway.</p>
<p>People keep feeding this anonymous ■■■■■ :-/ Also, why’s the OP’s post count at 0?</p>
<p>Posts in the Cafe don’t count.</p>
<p>
I see. Thanks for your reply.</p>
<p>
From a son’s perspective, it is determined by the age of your son. When i was 9 or ten year old, my parents also restricted my access to those drug, porn, violence etc. (actually i was really curious about them at that time) Since I 14 year old, they didn’t use it anymore.[/color]</p>