Do I have a social problem??

College Life
1

<p>It has already been another semester in college, and it is the end of my first year in college. However, I don’t think I have met any real friends this year, especially after my roommate left on earlier this Monday.</p>

<p>Here’s my story:</p>

<p>I am a science student and living on campus. I am a computer and technological guy. I don’t like to drink or do drug, but don’t have problems when people are doing so. I think it is their decision and freedom to choose what to do. I am not a talkative person (may be my language barrier), and sometime do things quite independently (study and eat on my own, because I find these are more effective). Most of my friends I had were met in class. But when we got out of classes, we don’t usually spend time to talk or have lunch together. It’s because we all had to rush to other classes.
Meanwhile, my roommate is a very social-able person. He makes a lot of friends within the dorms. He drinks quite often and smoke pot (only rarely) with his friends. He always hang out with his friends. No matter where he went to, there is always someone with him (except when he was sleeping in the room).
It is a fairly small dorm, so I also know his friends. I sometime would join them and spend sometime to watch movie, hang out (non-drinking), or have lunch/dinner. While it is his group of friends, therefore he is always there. I didn’t join them every single days, because I had my stuff to do and had my own schedule. I spent quite a lot of time on school work and get straight As this year. I don’t want to make new friends by having a complete changes on myself.
I thought I can consider them as my acquaintances. But now, he is gone, and no one else come to the room anymore. Everyone is leaving a message on his facebook, while I got nothing. It seems to me that my relationship is just because I am his roommate, not even an acquaintance…</p>

<p>I don’t know what to do. But these days, I am really depressed. It seems that I good at school but suck at relationship. I don’t know what to do, so wanna some advice from you guys.
+Am I a typical sociopath?
+What should I do or change?
+Do I need huge changes next year?
+Should I spend more time to hang out instead of studying?
+Did I make the right choice of not drinking or doing drug?
+Do I have huge problem? Any advice?</p>

<p>Please help me out. Thanks you all!!!</p>

2

<p>No, you dont have a social problem. You’re just not social. I think you should just get to know a few people really well. Tell them that you need friends and they’ll prob let you in with them. Call people more, email them, and everything. I dont know… I’ve never really had this problem. lots of people hang out with me but I myself am not social at all. I just like to study. are you chinese?</p>

3

<p>

</p>

<p>No. Unless you are causing harm to children, animals, and the elderly in your spare time, you are not a sociopath. Seriously, man, I am kidding a bit. </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Join a club. Join a religious orientated club, since you lead a temperate lifestyle. Join a computer and technology orientated club, since you like that stuff. Join any club which fits who you are as a person and I bet money you will make pals. </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>No. You just need to join a club or two. </p>

<p>Maybe you can also befriend someone in one of your classes? You like Science, Technology, and Computers? Any class you take which pertains to those things, are places to make a friend. It is not hard, get to class early and start speaking to someone. No big deal. It make take a couple of tries, but you will find a pal that way.</p>

<p>Also, you are going to be getting invitations to join Honors clubs and all, because you have all those “A’s.” Join those Honors clubs. You will meet folks who are a lot like you! </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>No. You keep up with those nice grades. Then, you adjust your schedule when you make your new pals. But, please keep on studying. </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Yes you did. If you do not do those things now, then do not take them up. I do not drink nor do drugs and I live in a city full of bars. All of my pals know I do not drink nor do drugs and they are still my pals. No big deal. Temperance is cool. </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>No you do not have a huge problem. But, please also keep in touch with your old pals. </p>

<p>Your English is wonderful. Your grades are wonderful. You are maturing and growing as a young adult, man. You will be alright.</p>

4

<p>Dude, you’re cool. You will be more social as time goes on. I also don’t drink or smoke, however i have tons of firends and they are cool with it…Also, it might be a good idea to find a girl friend or someone to hang out with.</p>

5

<p>but dont become unfocused on your studies because of a girlfriend :]</p>

6

<p>I don’t think I gonna get a girlfriend within a year or so. I don’t like to have a short relationship. I rather like to look for someone that I really love :P</p>

7

<p>haha we have something in common there!!!</p>

8

<p>What you’re going through is pretty normal. You and your roommate’s friends don’t like him more…he just made more effort to hang out with them, whereas you only joined them every once and awhile. Everybody takes some time to make friends and adjust to college; it’s especially hard if English is not your first language (but you seem to be doing okay - you got straight A’s!). I agree with the posters above who said you don’t need to make huge changes in your life. Join some computer and technology clubs, a religious organization (if that’s your thing), or whatever else you’re into. You sound pretty cool and really, really smart - I’m sure you’ll find your niche :). It was a good choice to take your studies seriously and not drink or do drugs; those things won’t affect your social life much if you find like-minded people, which I’m sure you can.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

9

<p>Someone suggested reading the book “When Panic Attacks”</p>

<p>Although I haven’t read it myself, the reviews sounded great. I’ll probably pick it up this summer.</p>

10

<p>Don’t be afraid to look beyond your college campus. Most of the people I spend time with outside of class I’ve met at work, through church, or through a community activity. If you’re looking for more mature people (it sounds like you are ready for more mature friends) I’d definitely look beyond campus. I’m one of these people who usually gets along with adults better than college kids, especially senior citizens. I think it’s because I have really old-fashioned morals and standards.</p>

11

<p>

</p>

<p>As you mentioned, I can see myself is a little bit like that. I am not that mature to talk to the senior citizens yet, but I have couple junior or senior suitemate, which I feel more comfortable with (Maybe because they don’t drink that frequently). I plan to do some volunteering next year, so it is a great idea to meet new friends from community services!! Thanks.</p>

12

<p>There is nothing wrong with you, and it sounds like you are not friendless because people don’t neccessarily dislike you. From what you have written, it sounds like you have not made an effort to spark friendships. People won’t automatically come to you and say, “wow, you are cool. Can I be your friend?”</p>

<p>It’s up to you to initiate relationships.</p>

<p>Join some clubs. Some of my best friends at school are from the activities I am involved in on campus. Since you said English is your second language, maybe get involved with a group that speaks your language?</p>

13

<p>^^ It’s funny, because I know someone who asked a girl “can I be your friend” when she was in preschool and the two became best friends and still are many years later. Had they tried this in 2007 they probably would have been slightly scared of each other…</p>

14

<p>join some clubs and get to know some people within your club. If you want to do something else, maybe make up a study group with your friends from class so you can meet outside of class and talk and study. You are definately not a sociopath ( if you were you would have preserved body parts in your fridge). You just need to put yourself out there. Try to figure out what is stopping yourself from being social. Is it some type of fear? and try to figure out ways to overcome those fears.</p>

15

<p>LOL, don’t confuse being “anti social” with antisocial personality disorder. The former is simply not wanting to socialize all the time. No big deal. I’m not sure why supposedly intelligent doctors/psychologists decided to name the disorder something so deceiving.</p>

16

<p>You are not a sociopath, and you do not have a social problem. People have different social needs, and you need to get away from people whose proximity is making you uncomfortable and forcing you to compare yourself unfavorably. If you wanted that life, you could surely make it happen for yourself. Clearly, you do not. It is quite normal to spend a lot of time alone, or to have periods of time when one needs to work on making a new friend or two. Not everyone needs or wants a huge social life. Staying away from drinking or drugs is, as you already know, a wise choice. Find people who are academic and doing low-key socializing. Join a club on campus or off in which you have genuine interest. Be very patient - a real friend or two will come your way. In the meantime, be your own best friend by staying straight and keeping your grades up. When you meet good candidates for friends, worry about being a good friend by listening and other pro-social behaviors. Good luck, BTW.</p>

17

<p>I was the most unsocial student at my elementary school. I would never, i mean never talk. I only broke that personality because</p>

<p>1) my elementary forced us to do public speaking contest every year
2) i’m named after RONALD REAGAN (Ronald Angsiy) so I had a HELLUVA lot of pressure on me to be a social, good oral presenter.</p>

<p>So ya know what? I changed who i was from the inside out, and i became a damn social whore person hahahah. There are lots of things to become social</p>

<p>1) join a group organization
2) be a leader on group projects (position wise)
3) always smile, it’s almost as good as talking</p>

<p>I can help you more in depth with this, but just remember, be comfortable with who you are. If you want to stay the same and just be a lil’ more talkative, then that’s do-able. If you want to turn into that center of attention, that’s do-able too. Whatever your mind can conceive and believe it can achiever, remember that.</p>

18

<p>You need help. Ask Sauron-he’s majoring in Psychology with an emphasis on sibling abuse with a Freudalian viewpoint. Now you must excuse me because I have more important things to do than deal with anonomous people’s problems socializing.<br>
<em>Snaps fingers and nothing happens</em>
<em>Snaps fingers a dozen times, and on the 13th time vanishes in a flash of light</em></p>