<p>Okay, I like CC because you can vent. So here goes. My child (let’s call them #1) won the Patterson Scholarship at UK> NMF award for those of you who don’t know. At my child’s rural KY public HS there is another student who was awarded same scholarship. This student( #2) is an exceptional student; I would say has much more and varied EC’s and higher stats than my child. Now enter the (#3) student at my child’s HS> football player, child of teacher and highly ranked official at the school board. I can say with great clarity and honesty #3 student is nowhere near the level of my child and #2 student. However, #3 did do well enough on ACT to be called for Singletary Scholarship at UK along with the #2. (My child did not get interview), The problem I have is this: all three children were at a school function; along with parents before results of Singletary scholarships were announced. The mother of #3 student looked me straight in the face and said the following, " My child is going to get the Singletary; my husband and I know a lady on the voting committee and she said she gets to pick three students and for sure she is picking my child." At the time I thought to myself, “sure lady; whatever. The competition for that scholarship is major.” However, imagine my surprise when three weeks later #3 is picked as a Singletary scholar. I just keep wondering how common is it for parents to have inside access to voting member of a scholarship committee? I have watched numerous instances of unfair play for lots of students at our high schools; example: they did not have the right last name, live in the right house, etc. I really thought at the college level things would even out and be fair. Am I delusional? Or just envious? Any thoughts?</p>
<p>Well, I think you are delusional to believe that things run on a level playing field. To be clear, I think that it is a great ambition and goal, but I don’t think it works that way.</p>
<p>As far as being envious? I don’t know. Maybe the only legit envy (if there is such a thing) is to be envious that that person knew someone on the committee and you didn’t.</p>
<p>You can also look at it that others may be envious of your child and think it is unfair that he/she won in the genetic lottery by having high intelligence and high motivation (I assume that is how they won the Patterson award).</p>
<p>@wilderzengirl I think I would feel the same as you…even though we know this must happen at all levels, it’s somehow different when it’s rubbed in our faces and directly affects us… No, I don’t think it’s sour grapes, I think it’s normal…</p>
<p>Why would college be any more fair than anyplace else in life? It sounds like you may be right and this student got strings pulled because the parents knew someone. Although it also may be that the committee member also knew the child, and wanted to help that kid out. it is human nature, IMHO – most of us will help someone we know before a stranger. It is pretty hardwired into our biology. Doesn’t mean it is the right thing for a committee member to do, but that kind of behavior never surprises me.</p>
<p>That said, no one ever really knows everything a student has to put into a college or scholarship applications. There are things about my kids that most people don’t know – for example, one spent a couple of summers at a very selective gifted program – we never talked about it around school because she didn’t want people to know. One of my kids plays a sport outside school and did really well in the state tournament last year – no one at her high school is aware, she just doesn’t talk about it there. One of my kids did a neighborhood project over the course of 9 years that really improved something in our neighborhood. Again – no parent at school would know this. So you THINK you know student #3’s qualifications, but it is possible that you don’t. GPA isn’t everything, and no idea how you would know other student’s test scores…</p>
<p>Regardless, there is no point in stewing over it. Nothing you can do now, and it is just gong to eat at you until you let it go.</p>
<p>I think that mother #3 was wrong to tell you what she did. Boosting about your connections is not appropriate behavior.<br>
Be proud of what your own child has accomplished and move on.</p>
<p>Would anyone be tempted to write a letter to the sponsoring organization and tell them what happened? The organization might be disturbed by this and want to look into it. If I understand correctly, the OP’s kid was not a candidate for the award, in any case.</p>
<p>Well, for starters, it seems that you don’t understand the proper usage of the term"sour grapes":
<a href=“sour grapes | Common Errors in English Usage and More | Washington State University”>http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/sour.html</a>
<a href=“http://www.lawprose.org/blog/?p=932”>http://www.lawprose.org/blog/?p=932</a></p>
<p>I just looked up the scholarships mentioned. They are exactly equal to each other and provide tuition/fees/stipend/room/board/ipad/$2000 study abroad. You have no way of knowing if her “brag” was actually true. All three kids are getting the maximum scholarships, right? Win, win, win. Congratulations, and just forget about what that mom said. If your kid lost out due to her (self-reported) connections, that would be one thing. But your kid got the NMF deal–same value. Just be proud and happy about what your kid achieved. </p>
<p>Is the difference 500 dollars?
<a href=“http://www.uky.edu/financialaid/content/academic-scholarships-freshmen”>http://www.uky.edu/financialaid/content/academic-scholarships-freshmen</a>? </p>
<p>Could the school have decided that the three students deserved a similar award and that it served no purpose to grant Kid 1 a scholarship he … had except for a few bucks? What if OP kid had won the second one as well? Perhaps just a lost funding! </p>
<p>There might be more to it, but bragging rights do not last as long as many people think they do. The reality is that most folks do not give it any attention, except friends and family. </p>
<p>Do not lose sleep over this and be happy for kid 3! </p>
<p>PS I hope they do NOT give an iPad 2 but something better than that old POS! </p>
<p>@Momcat2. That sour grapes comment was uncalled for. </p>
<p>IMHO, child #3’s parents have taken something away from him: his own sense of accomplishment by stating that what got him the scholarship was their connection, not his work.</p>
<p>OP’s child and child #2 can take pride that they were awarded their scholarships based on their own performance. Child #3 may have done this as well, but he’ll never know for certain, and neither will anyone who has heard his parents’ comments. Furthermore, if this has occurred in many areas of his life, he’s learned the lesson that achieving is about who you know, not what do.In the real world, connections can play a role, but this doesn’t go far without doing good work. </p>
<p>It’s so annoying and high schoolish of mom of #3. Vent away. </p>
<p>I think the op is very happy with her S’s outcome. I think she’s venting about high school favoritism and bragging. I have relatives who brag about their connections and think they are getting preferential treatment. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. It’s always annoying. </p>
<p>Yes, it is OK to vent. These kinds of things are annoying. </p>
<p>But it doesn’t have to be sour grapes if you turn it around. You gave your child the gift of his (or her) own achievement, and this will go a long way in terms of self confidence.</p>
<p>Child #3 also achieved- as he would not have been considered unless he was qualified. We don’t know if connections have anything to do with it or not, but now, this child will also have a sense of doubt- that is, did he really earn this or was it his parents’ connection?</p>
<p>Actually, all three kids deserve a pat on the back for this, but there are not sour grapes if you feel some compassion for #3 who hopefully will be successful on his own- and also know that he is. </p>
<p>The more local the scholarship, the more likely that subjective factors come into play in selections, I believe. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Its really not common at all. But even less common is someone in that position being jaw-lockingly stupid enough to brag about it. </p>
<p>^^^What @dadx said.^^^</p>
<p>I’m speechless! But it’s who u know not what you know unfortunately </p>
<p>Agree with @Consolation - I’d be very tempted to write and let them know what was said. We all know the playing field isn’t usually equal but to have it rubbed in your face is just wrong. I wonder how kid #3 feels, given it diminishes his accomplishment a great deal. </p>
<p>I’d forget about it. The mom of #3 is a dummy and a creep. Avoid her in the future.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I totally agree with @Pennylane2011 on this. The mom’s bragging about her connections is a classless and its probably a reflection of a persistent dynamic in her parenting style which serves mostly to disempower her son, rather than help him. </p>
<p>I really can’t imagine how a parent could do or say anything so demeaning of their own child’s accomplishments. </p>
<p>Wilderz trust that these things eventually do even out - maybe not right away, but eventually they do. I’ve been through some heartaches with my own two over the years, and ultimately believe that disappointments and failures build their resilience and determination, and that victory is all the sweeter the longer one has to work for it. </p>
<p>Your disappointment is natural for a parent, but now move on and celebrate your child’s accomplishments. </p>
<p>Er, yes. What did you expect? Of course who you know matters. That mom is a braying ass who said anything to you. Most of the time people keep their mouths shut about such things. My DH’s friend has hired his son and his son’s roommate for high paying internships at the company where he has the power to do this. And he’s bragging about it. No fairness to that at all. </p>
<p>Bear in mind that Admission’s director’s have families too. Believe me if one is a favorite Auntie Jane and she dotes on her nephew, if he wants a spot in her selective college, unless he is a total outlier, he will likely get a spot. </p>
<p>When I was in high school, I had a friend, spent the night at her house,and her mother basically made her sign the filled out application for a scholarship, that the officer’s wives club in that area sponsored. And Mom was the president. And who do you think got the top award? </p>