“Abandonment issues” as a term does not imply literal abandonment here. The parent is absolutely not abandoning the daughter, but if adopted at the relatively old age of 6, might have “abandonment issues” that are relevant. I have no idea of course but just mentioned it in passing with this dilemma.
My own daughters would have preferred to go with me, so I don’t have the same perspective here. It depends on so many things, family relationships, health needs, social adjustment, academic progress, and need for help in senior year with stress and planning.
Also, sometimes being the new kid has benefits, as 4Gulls implies.
One thing that hasn’t come up yet in this discussion is extracurricular activities.
Many of the leadership roles in ECs go to seniors (or start in mid-junior year and end in mid-senior year). If your daughter is counting on leadership roles in ECs as an important asset in applications to highly selective colleges, staying in the same school and community may be crucial. In a new community, she would almost certainly not be captain of the team or president of the club or drum major or the lead in the play. And that could make a difference in her attractiveness to colleges.
We have 4 kids and have lived in 3 states. Among them, they have gone to school in 5 states. From our experience and knowing how much added stress there is senior year with both saying goodbyes and working on college applications, we would vote to let her stay her senior year. A move can work…or it can be very traumatic. We have been happy to raise our children as “citizens of the world” but in hindsight, there is something to be said for stability. She will have enough transition to manage the year after senior year.
It depends on the parents, the child and the people she will be staying with. My sister moved her senior year and went through hell. She was miserable and did not do well. She went back to college near where she lived before. I have had another friend whose mother died his sophomore year and the family moved just before his senior year. He chose to stay with close friends and had a wonderful senior year. Those are two extremes. At S’s school there were new seniors who did great and ones that crashed because they did not want to be there. There were students that were staying with relatives or friends that were happy and those that were not. He did know one new senior that will not graduate because he needed different requirements so he won’t be done until the end of the summer. If the student is very independent, has a good relationship with the family they are staying with (relative or not) and has the strong desire to stay, let her! If she is terribly attached to the family or the situation she is going into has issues then take her with you. Just think it through. The stress of not living with parents can be big or small depending on the stress of the change of schools. I know in my family I would have moved my daughter not matter what because of her issues but I would have let my son stay in a heartbeat if he wanted to. Luckily we weren’t in that situation. Good luck.
If she stays for her senior year, make sure she has all the paperwork to prove her residency. Our local schools require proof of residency for each and every year of school.
Moving right before senior year is brutal. We have new friends in our town who moved when their oldest was a junior. She went from being class president, top 10 in her class, very well known (she grew up in the town) to almost drowning in a huge high school. She kept up academically but her rank suffered because of the variability with transferring from a different state, different weight requirements, etc. It was brutal. She would never have been admitted to our two main in-state schools because her rank was not where it needed to be.
If she wants to stay and you trust the family then by all means. If there is a remote chance she will want to attend college in the state where you will be living then that should be carefully considered also.
Iwannabe_Brown, me too! There was just such a solid wall of opinion in favor of staying that I wanted to play devil’s advocate. But as someone said, the OP hasn’t been back so this thread is essentially done anyway
