<p>Thank you all for your advice. </p>
<p>We are in Pa. Friend who took pic was invited into the home. I don’t know if his picture taking was illegal or not.</p>
<p>Without a credit history ( I assume Bedhead is correct ) it is difficult to see if there are any attempts to set up any accounts in her name. He also knows her birthday.</p>
<p>So general agreement is that she should go to the police? Ugh…I hate this.</p>
<p>and chevda, thank you for your posts.:)</p>
<p>How about this instead: have your daughter write the guy, telling him not to use her name or any other information about her in any financial transactions (or anything else) in the future; that she has not authorized any such actions in the past and is specifically telling him never to do it again. Simple, straightforward, businesslike. She doesn’t have to disclose how she learned he was doing it; she doesn’t even have to accuse him of doing it. She just tells him not to do it in the future and confirms that he does not now and never has had permission to do so in the past.</p>
<p>This strategy has the advantage of removing any possible ambiguity (“What’ya mean you never said I could use your name to buy my bongs? Don’t you remember that night at the movies…” etc.) It also will probably have the effect of keeping him from doing it again. “Little rats” typically don’t like daylight. And it also costs nothing (well, 41 cents) and doesn’t involve trying to convince public officials to get involved in a situation where as yet there doesn’t seem to be any harm done to anyone, which they’re typically not enthusiastic about.</p>
<p>Xiggi–we actually had a very satisfactory experience with fraud connected to Paypal. About a year ago, we found a quite large charge on our credit card bill through Paypal for something which we knew we hadn’t ordered. We contacted Paypal. they promised to investigate and immediately rescinded the charge. I believe they found that the item had not been delivered to our address, which backed up our claim. We had to write a letter to them attesting in print that we had not bought the item, but that was the extent of what Paypal expected, and the charge was removed as promised.</p>
<p>And of course, we had to change our credit card which was a big hassle. but our dealings with Paypal were cordial and very efficient.</p>
<p>I use PayPal to pay for items from eBAY. I frequently have my eBAY purchases shipped to a different address and a different name - as presents to my MIL or a treat for my daughter at school.
I’d be concerned about identity theft. Has a credit card been opened in her name? You need to get in touch with credit bureaus.</p>
<p>Sax,
In your original post you described your daughter as an adult. I am not an expert on what the minimum level of activity is required to establish a credit history, but she has no credit accounts, bank accounts, apartment leases, etc. in her name? I am asking only because it seems to me most adults would have a credit history at some level and am wondering if the ex-BF has somehow manipulated hers? In other words, is it a red flag that her name is not showing up at the credit bureaus? Again, I am no expert on credit bureau companies.</p>
<p>D is 21 w/checking acct/saving acct and debit card. No loans, credit cards, leases. She checked credit report w/ Equifax but not the others. Equifax states no credit report in her name. I guess I wrongly assumed that the other two credit agencies would be the same.</p>
<p>I have had her read this thread and she thinks she wants to go to the police. She is afraid she will hurt her relationship with the picture taker but understands that she needs to act on this and that means giving his name. </p>
<p>Wondering out loud if this will create much bigger (read “stalker”) problems as the police will see that his license address does not match his “home” address. Really want to understand all aspects before we continue.</p>
<p>Oh yeah, the shipping container was from a computer company in Ca.</p>
<p>This all took place this week and the shipping container had a 2008 date on it.</p>
<p>If she is an adult she will need to get her own restraining order, you can’t do it for her. She should act quickly on that if she needs one. Courts normally look for a recent incident, unless you have a valid reason for the delay in filing…if it happened awhile ago and you wait to file they may infer that you weren’t really that afraid or harassed.</p>
<p>Garland, I am happy to hear your case was handled well. However, this is what CAN happen when dealing with well-organized thieves who are **allowed **to operate under the “watchful” eyes of Paypal. </p>
<p>In this case, seller sells the same listed products more than once, collects all the payments, does not ship anything, and uses the proceeds to purchase something real with “his” money. Paypal cannot undo the subsequent purchase by the thief since one honest seller would be out of money. Thief leaves a few cents in the account and moves on. Paypal closes the case by recovering the few cents. Paypal refuses to disclose full identity of thief, alleging privacy and expectation of privacy rules. Thief, fully knowing that few buyers will go through the motions of filing a claim in another state lives another day and laughs all the way to his new bank.</p>
<p>Sep. 20, 2006 Charge From Credit Card Completed $136.75 USD </p>
<p>Oct. 10, 2006 Buyer Email sent to PayPal
Oct. 20, 2006 PayPal Email sent to seller
Oct. 20, 2006 PayPal Email sent to buyer
Oct. 20, 2006 PayPal Sellers action requested
Oct. 20, 2006 PayPal Claim granted
Oct. 20, 2006 Reversal Completed $0.96 USD </p>
<p>Paypal’s “resolution”:</p>
<p>We have completed our investigation of this case. We attempted to process a refund from the seller’s account to your account. Unfortunately, the seller’s account does not contain the funds necessary to cover this refund. We were able to recover $0.96 USD. We have taken action against the seller and are working to recover the remainder of your refund. We will contact you when we have more information. No further action is required of you at this time.</p>
<p>Status Details Action
Complaint Non-receipt $136.75 USD Oct. 10, 2006 Case **Closed **</p>
<p>Wow–Xiggi–that sure is different from our situation. Ours was in 2007, I think. Perhaps they’ve started taking more responsibility? (In response to complaints like this one.) In our case, they said nothing about recovering the money from another account, but simply made good what was fraudulantly charged.</p>
<p>Garland, the difference is that in Xiggi’s case the credit charge was authorized - the seller simply stiffed the buyers. In your case the charge was never authorized by you. That’s why yours went differently. I doubt that they’ve changed their policies.</p>
<p>
That’s something you shouldn’t worry about. He’s made his bed; any repurcussions are due to his actions, not your d’s. If he does “stalk”, again, your d has a paper trail to get the police to treat it seriously. No allegations of “recent fabrication” of the stalking. Trust me, having a paper trail of prior reports goes a long way to getting authorities to take it seriously.</p>
<p>Your d is very smart (and lucky!) that the guy is her ex!</p>
<p>chedva: thank you for your comments. Thank you for the Judge Judy comment earlier too. It really is black and white when you get down to the facts and beginning a paper trail is a good start. This relationship has been over for over a year.</p>
<p>chedva, laughing out loud on the Judy Judge reference. I actually turned down an offer to be on her show…it’s a long story but someone filed a ridiculous small claims case against me and JJ’s producers ■■■■■ the small claims records looking for such ridiculous cases. I turned them down and won in small claims court.<br>
Yeah, sax, time for your daughter to go to the police so there is at least a paper trail if things escalate.</p>
<p>Good thoughts.
Just a little more advice…I wouldn’t necessarily jump to the restraining order thing. Those generally don’t have a lot of effect and can sometimes enrage a border-line problem person. </p>
<p>Honestly, even though I used to practice criminal law…my approach in all these types of things is to minimize, minimize contact w/a protentially problematic person (especially an ex). You never know what will set them off or what thing they might be capable of. Of course your daughter should take all precautions and change passwords, document, etc. It’s important to tread carefully, though. </p>
<p>Sometimes the <em>threat</em> of legal (or police) action can serve the same purpose (discouraging future bad behavior) than actually taking the action–you don’t have to deal w/all the angry repercussions, that way. E.g.: “I understand you may have used my name to buy things on ebay…if anything like that happens again I’m going directly to the police.”</p>
<p>The bigger picture than some random ebay purchases—you want a guy that shady out of her life. Involving police/lawyers (while necessary in many cases) often leads to a greater entanglement (she has to testify against him, sign a complaint that he reads & gets furious about, etc. etc.). </p>
<p>She should refuse all contact (phone/email/etc.) after the warning.</p>
<p>Just a slightly different take/approach. Good luck!</p>
<p>I agree with Jolynne…the problem with going to the police is that there isn’t really much to go on, except that he had something delivered to his house addressed to her. You don’t know when this was (it could even have been back when they were still together) or what it was. I can’t see what crime he committed by doing this, as long as he didn’t use her credit to buy it. Of course, you could contact the police and see what they say, but you should prepare yourself for the possibility that they will decline to take any action at all. I also don’t think you would be able to get a restraining order on this alone.</p>
<p>BedHead, Would it be possible for you to get a new social security number for your daughter, since hers has been stolen before, presumably, there has been any activity on her account?</p>
<p>sax, Does this person have your daughter’s social security number? I hope not.</p>
<p>Thanks for your continuing thoughts, folks. We are not yet considering a restraining order. He has bouts where he calls/texts her quite a bit but she doesn’t pick up or return calls. Unable to block his calls (which I don’t get)She has stopped hanging out with a number of her friends these last 6 mo. because he always seems to show up. He has tailgated her on the way to college a few times until. He has shown up at her job on a number of occasions but she’s working a sub shop so can’t say too much. She just hides in the back. The relationship ended over a year ago yet he used her name for mailing purposes within the month. Maybe we will just go to the police and find out our options at this point. Its just creepy. There are a few other creepy past instances that she let go but this is getting annoying. Plus it really is bothering her…maybe that’s his point. I’ll let you know what we do. I don’t really want to poke a stick at him too much as I don’t want his behavior to increase. Arrrgghhhhh</p>
<p>sax,
That’s a good approach not to ‘poke a stick.’ Definitely don’t want to antagonize, but you want as much distance as possible. Those aren’t great signs (the following, etc.).</p>
<p>It would be worthwhile to change her cellphone number and even your home number (& make it unlisted). Even though it’s inconvenient, the more distance you can place, the better. </p>
<p>I’m not trying to make you nervous, but she should have a scenerio in place if he tries to confront her (e.g. get to a public place asap) & know never to get in a car w/him, never to go anywhere alone–although she probably knows this.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>All good points I hadn’t thought through. She’s pretty trusting so I could see her hopping in the car just to “talk” thinking she could get things resolved. Will make sure she really understands. Thanks.</p>
<p>sax, please carefully monitor this guy’s behavior, and if there is an escalation of stalking, your D need to talk to the cops ASAP. Was this guy known to have mental instability or did he ever have access to guns?</p>
<p>The following is not meant to alarm you, but the article describes the timeline of stalking that led to the killing of a young woman at UW last year (they had on/off relationship and the guy never got over their break-up):</p>
<p>[Local</a> News | Timeline of victim and attacker | Seattle Times Newspaper](<a href=“http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2003648195_webuwtimeline02m.html]Local”>http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2003648195_webuwtimeline02m.html)</p>
<p>Your daughter needs to distance herself from this guy, because his inability to move on after their break-up is somewhat disturbing IMHO.</p>