<p>This post has come from the responses to another post. I am wondering how people REALLY feel about themselves when they constantly criticize and belittle others both to there face and behind their backs. </p>
<p>Does being critical of others mean that the person doing the criticizing feels really good about who they are or is it that they feel insecure and have to point out others shortcomings to make themselves feel better?</p>
<p>Bump please</p>
<p>Often the latter, in my experience.</p>
<p>Well, it is commonly believed that these people are insecure and need to put others down in order to raise their own self image. I don’t know, though. Most of them seem pretty convinced that they are pretty awesome. lol.</p>
<p>I had a teacher in high school who talked a lot about philosophy, etc. He often said “You are what you pretend to be”. His point was that if you pretended to be mean, hurtful, whatever, then you were those things because the effect was real. I remember that this outlook really had an impact on my thinking.</p>
<p>Maybe or maybe not. </p>
<p>The old myth used to be that bullies lacked self-esteem…more recent research, looking at a huge set of empirical studies, shows bullies have darn good esteem! Dang it.</p>
<p>I realize your question isn’t about bullies per se, but maybe the belief we tend to hold onto (that people that criticize others are doing it to boost themselves) is valid. It sure seems to make sense. On the other hand, maybe it just seems to make us feel better! Sort of creates a just world, doesn’t it? And makes it easier to cope with obnoxious people. I find I handle difficult people much better if I take the stance that they are hurting inside. </p>
<p>I don’t really know the right answer to your question. </p>
<p>But I do strongly believe (at the risk of sounding like a know it all myself), that if you are around someone who is criticizing you, you shouldn’t waste a lot of time trying to figure out why they are that way. </p>
<p>Instead, focus on ways to reduce your interdependency with such people. Better to be alone than mistreated. No one should let themselves be used as a doormat, punching bag, ‘free therapy’, or mirror for someone who is constantly critical. Seek out and find people that respect you and admire your wonderful traits, and avoid those that do not. <em>You deserve no less.</em> You are kind, generous and treat others with respect, now make sure you take care of yourself just as well as you take care of others. Don’t put up with it and disengage.</p>
<p>Since you mention the responses to another post, I imagine you’re talking, at least in part, about CC posters. It’s difficult to judge how what’s written online may be perceived by others. Some people may think they’re being objective and/or logical, when they’re also being insensitive and boorish. Some may be unaware of how belittling and critical their responses are - and some just don’t care. Whether it’s deserved or not, such people often have a glowing opinion of themselves and the importance of what they have to say.</p>
<p>No not on CC necessarily…people in general who have something to say (mostly negative) about everyone else. do they feel good about themselves? If so why are they so critical???</p>
<p>Well, to be honest, your being a bit critical yourself here…</p>
<p>This is just too vague a question to be able to answer. And many folks who are critical have no idea the tone of voice they are using, and how their words are hurting others. Some are really ignorant of the effect they are having on others.</p>
<p>i’m sure most people feel good about themselves at least sometime, but I don’t think that people are necessarily mean because of low selfesteem. a lot of times those are just unfortunate traits.</p>
<p>So…I am to conclude that people who are nasty and critical have “unfortunate traits” and are not even aware of now they come across? I can accept that BUT…</p>
<p>WHY DO OTHER PEOPLE SEEM TO TRY SO HARD TO BE THE CRITICAL PERSONS BEST FRIEND rather than tell that person to stop talking negatively about people in front of and behind their backs???</p>
<p>that’s an easy one! for many people, ignoring something like that is a lot easier than confrontation. i mean, how often do we hear about people who stay in toxic friendships even though as soon as they’re away from the person all they can talk about is how hateful and annoying he or she is? It’s like, “She’s been my best friend since grade school, but she’s critical, conniving, rude, thoughtless, and has the friendly attitude of a cannibalistic serial killer”. they know that the relationship is unpleasant but they would rather put up with it than be mature and let it go.</p>
<p>Is this the third thread about the “friend” who forgot your birthday? And whom you subsequently blasted for being a horrible person?</p>
<p>People are going to disappoint us in life. There are mean people, people who don’t mean to hurt you but have a lot going on in their lives which preclude making you a priority, people who actually do care for you but for whom you have little time or inclination, etc.</p>
<p>We are all flawed. If those around you are causing you more grief than happiness, it’s best to just cut your losses and move on.</p>
<p>When I’m tempted to think belittling and know-it-all thoughts, it is usually because I’ve been hurtfully disdained recently and am trying to convince myself that I’m actually a better and smarter person than many other people and didn’t deserve that treatment. So I’d vote for yes, they feel bad about themselves.</p>
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<p>THIS. Exactly. It has been said many many times to you in many many different ways away2school, but I sense you aren’t ‘hearing it’ or learning from it. Cut loose, move on, and stop going on about it.</p>