@mjk050607 I completely agree. And there is a difference between helping/teaching and doing work for your child. If they are struggling and the parent is able to help them work through a problem, why not? Especially if the student is trying hard and being responsible.
I agree also. My child is in High school and an A student. I quiz her on her AP World and help her with any comprehension difficulties in the lengthy reading assignments. Her teacher has no time to go through the assigned material in class, so if I didn’t to it with her, no-one would. My partner helps her with math and chem – mostly checking her homework when it is finished and showing her which problems she needs to rethink. Then my daughter does them over. Again, they don’t go over all the HW problems in class so helping her at home is key. I worry about how much we help her sometimes but also rationalize that many of her peers have tutors. And we do not do her work for her, but show her what she has not clearly understood, which is usually minor.
@socowonder I think what you guys do for your daughter sounds great. You’re not going to school and taking tests for her, so she has to perform at the end of the day. I think maximizing the learning opportunities can only position her for more success in the future. She will probably continue to shine in college. And there are lots of free tutoring resources in college that she will have to help her when she needs it. I think being able to recognize when you need help and ask for help when you need it is key, and sounds like you have set her up well.
When each of my kids got their first textbook in third grade, I helped them learn how to study the first chapter. After that, they were on their own; we never helped them study again. I’d tell them I’d already been to x grade, and it was their turn. They learned long ago to go to teachers for help, and figure out 99.9% of homework problems on their own (they’ll look up questions on khan academy; in fact, last yr, my S’s physics/Chem 1 teacher was terrible and he had to teach himself both subjects by reading the textbooks, using the internet, and studying with his twin sister who had a different teacher). I think it does kids a disservice if you help them study, etc. How will they do it themselves in college?
Thanks collegemomjam! Good to hear that you think that amount of help is not unreasonable. I remember my own high school days when I slogged through it all myself. BUT the stakes were a lot lower and the work less onerous.
“I think it does kids a disservice if you help them study, etc. How will they do it themselves in college?”
That’s a gross over generalization, studies for years have shown that parents being involved in their kids’ educatio benefits the kids, wrt what they learned and grades. Teachers have told parents in back to school nights, they’d like them to help their kids study vocabulary before a quiz. Should they ignore that and say, hey since you’re on your own in college, don’t expect help from me. No, most parents are eager to help out with things like that.
And, in most STEM classes in college, solving problems is more important than learning the theory, so I tell kids if you have only a hour to study, do the chapter review problems. I doubt that’s doing a disservice to them.
I would echo the difference between teaching and helping for the sake of learning, versus for grades.
Some of us have mediocre school systems with mediocre, overwhelmed teachers.
If I hadn’t taught them math facts, they would never have known them and college math would have been tough. They learned to write at home: teachers never ever went over a paper.
One of my kids has some learning disabilities and after hours of studying, still though the revolution happened in England not here. Of course I told her the real story. She went back to the studying with that in mind.
It is a tricky balance but the point of education is to learn. Grades are not the point of education, just a measure of how it is going. Every parent I know understands that a lot of the education has to happen at home.
My rule of thumb is - if you would have helped your spouse or a good friend with it, it’s unreasonable to withdraw help from your kid. So if a friend takes a class in a subject in which I am proficient, and has trouble understanding, of course I will help if she asks and won’t tell her to go to her teachers. Naturally I won’t do her homework either.
I feel extremely lucky we have not had to help much with homework other than quizzing for memorized facts. I can no longer remember high school math.
I last helped my kids with homework when they were in elementary school.
I get paid to help other people’s kids with chem, physics and math. I don’t know why I’d deny it to my kids.
I am pretty useless to my kids with their homework…I majored in Economics in college and have an MBA and still can’t help my son with his AP Econ, even if I wanted to.
If my kids have a question about their schoolwork, I’m happy to help. If they’re doing a complicated project, I’m happy to help too. I don’t do the work for them…
Tbh, I cannot recall any instance, from elementary thru high school, in which I helped my daughter with homework. The most involvement to come from me is to ask in the mornings if she is good for the day.
I don’t help my high schoolers with homework and haven’t really ever unless they asked.
My 5th grader does all his day to day homework alone, but we will oversee some projects.
He had a monthly reading project that he does himself, then we sit down together and reread it. If I see a mistake, I’ll ask him to reread a certain sentence and see if he can identify what is wrong. He is becoming much more proficient at finding his mistakes and learning to be a better writer.
For creative projects, we help him think about spacing before he begins and help him lay out his plan. The kid can barely draw stick figures and has zero sense of spacing. His final project usually takes him hours and looks like he spent about 15 minutes.
My daughter could create professional looking artwork in less time than he spends, lol. We could hand her a poster board and she would go into her room and come out a couple of hours later with a professional looking poster. Our youngest will spend time every day over two weeks and turn in a pitiful looking poster that he has worked so hard to make. But we are always proud of his hard work.
Has any parent helped substantially with College applications also? Ie Common App
I had my D19’s older sister (D13) guide her through the process (less resistant to her than to me, but I checked over materials before sent), because there are a lot of details that I was worried that any kid – or adult – could miss. We had a workshop at our highly ranked public high school dealing with the Common App, and many parents hired someone to supervise their student’s application. So I didn’t feel off the mark in providing oversight. It’s a lot for any one kid to handle and requires another set of eyes, in my opinion.I extended no homework support since middle school, and she is an A- student, other than proof reading rarely (on request) and hiring a math tutor that was very much needed, since she refused to drop a level in math.
@My3Daughters good for you! I’m sure your time was worth it. Common Ap now has a function where you can add an “adviser” to have access to your account and I think it might be for exactly that reason…to have someone proof things for you because there are loads of ways to make mistakes…uploading the wrong essay, typos in the essays, etc.
As I’ve written elsewhere, I’m the researcher in the family, and I genuinely love sifting through information, and figuring things out. So I did the college search and the culling down to a manageable number and searched for scholarships (ironically, I did not find the one she actually won, and didn’t even know what it was when we got the emails which asked for our permission for the nomination). Otherwise, we made sure to remind our kid to do stuff, though I didn’t didn’t actually check whether she had done it, because it won’t work if we care more about her actually going to collage than she does. I did help my kid fill out the FAFSA and CSS forms, of course, and taught her a bit about tax returns at the same time. Well, it was more like she would ask me for information and then enter it.
I helped my kid was build build the first draft of her resume during Junior year, which was good, since my kid is one of the people who would play down accomplishments or forget things because they’re already a year or two in the past. However, she got it, I only say the one she used for applications for additional proofing at the end. There was no way that I could help her write her essay, since she is an excellent writer, and is a far better writer than I am. Besides, she’s TAing in Honors English, and the teacher is amazing, but is as brutal as she needed when reviewing the essay.
I actually haven’t even seen her actual application, since I just realized that I’ve never actually been on the Common App website. Huh.
I think it depends. If the teacher is not supportive and give you not advice then parent is best teacher giving you advice ad help in our work.They give you 100% and make you more motivated. If teachers known about your strength then parents also known about strength and understand you.