Yes – thank you for sharing your perspective; it’s helpful to understand what others are experiencing…
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I have some patience for the F-word but the N-word really bothers me.
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I think in general people are ruder but I moved back to the Midwest a few years ago and for the most part people here are decent. Between getting older and taking into account the times we live in I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and try to be as polite to others as I can be. I can only control my own behavior and hopefully people appreciate that.
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Well, this was before the new bike lanes were put in. They have a buffer now and plastic bollards.
Interesting you bring this up. We just went out to dinner with a very good friend and her husband this week, and I realized what seems like a sort of “rudeness” he seems to have is really because he can’t hear what we are saying. I planned to text my fried soon and suggest we make a point of getting together at our houses instead of at noisy restaurants. I have another friend who is hard of hearing, and our normal group of 8 typically meets at someone’s house, which I think really helps him.
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I’ve been thinking about the OP’s question the last few days and here are a few of my thoughts.
Do people seem ruder: in my opinion, the short answer is yes. However, I believe I’m observing rudeness more often online/secondhand rather than actually witnessing it in person. The part that I have found disturbing is not necessarily the rudeness itself…there have always been people rude/inconsiderate people…but the disproportionate response in a given situation. Escalation feels like a real possibility and I feel it’s become a tactic to intimidate others into submission.
Do people seem more easily angered these days: again, the short answer is yes. Imo the more interesting consideration is why. To try and keep my thoughts succinct I attribute it in large part to the general sense of frustration due to 1. Lies and 2. Increasing/changing power disparities.
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For the most part, people in my orbit are generally pleasant. Yeah, there’s the guy on the e-bike who speeds up behind you - silently - and then realizes the path is narrower than he thought and forces you off the road. Yeah, there are tailgaters. But overall, I witness people being more oblivious than hostile.
With that said, it can really help to make an effort (and sometimes, it really is an effort!) to be pleasant. When complaining about getting charged twice for an item, asking if maybe the scanner sensitivity had been changed rather than suggesting the cashiers were incompetent…. Asking if you’re joining the line at the end. Telling the clerk at the post office you appreciate everything they do.
It really feels like people don’t connect as much in person as they used to and that bad connections immediately assume malice. Sure, there are people who are angry, and/or unhinged - and rude. It’ d be great if more people made it a personal challenge of de-escalating these situations. Because when you are rude and someone meets you with an offer of help or grace, it’s far easier to feel a bit of remorse than if they scream at you, proving they deserved your ire! Which is also a way of saying we don’t expect much of each other…
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I lost my temper this week after a dental appt. The dentist was rather rude. It was my first time seeing him, as the dentist I had been seeing left the practice and no one told me or asked if I was okay with it. Then they sent me an after visit summary on mychart, but this is the third mychart account I have and I couldn’t get into it (different user name and password, that THEY assigned so of course I didn’t know it) and after trying to log in 5 times it said I needed to call an 800 number, but when I did it answered with the name of the dental practice, not tech support, not ‘mychart help’. Told them the problem and they needed to reset. No, this guy says, you need to exit out and then relog in. I can’t I said, it has locked me out. He said, ‘well, then I can’t help you.’ So I said just email the info to me and forget about mychart. They didn’t do that.
I got a satisfaction survey and stated what happened, and that I wasn’t satisfied.
Today I did get a call from the actual dental office and told him what happened. They were nice about it, but I still don’t think the ‘support team’ should be so rude.
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I thought of this thread yesterday. H had to get in between two gym members shouting at each other over a piece of equipment. He says you’d be surprised how often this happens. This is a Planet Fitness of all places, and members during his shift are typically over 50 years old, not exactly overflowing with testosterone…
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The gym I go to is also where I take Pilates. To access the Pilates studio, you have to pass through an area where members engage in group circuit training or cross-fit type exercise. One of the trainers has decided to set her group up directly in front of the door to the Pilates studio, so you’re running the gauntlet every time you want to enter or leave the studio. Now she has taken to telling the Pilates students that they are interrupting her group’s workouts. I can see where this is going to get unpleasant quickly as there is already conflict/resentment between the Pilates instructors (who make more $$) and the “regular” trainers. Previously the training group was doing wall ball “slams” against the studio wall, which was a bit disruptive. That ended when our teacher complained, so the “Pilates people ruined it for everyone”. If I’m paying $$$$ for Pilates, you can bet I’m going to use the door when it’s time for my class!
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This reminds me of an incident at my last gym many years ago. Two members were arguing with each other. I was close enough to hear them. There was a verbal exchange where one called the other “crazy”. The other told him to go to xxxx. To which he responded with “go to church and learn to act like a human.”
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I’m curious about the ages of the people in these stories.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten more chill but also less afraid to nicely speak up … so maybe it’s a wash.
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But I almost edited my post… The nastiest people I’ve ever encountered on a regular basis were the older ladies taking water aerobics at the YMCA. But there was NOTING remotely “Christian” about their behavior. One day they actually SHOVED KIDS (ages 8-10) away from “their space” in the pool - where they were trying to get in 10-15 minutes before their class time.
This would be have been 2007-2014, so I don’t know if that counts as “these days.”
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There’s a Silver Sneakers exercise class after my younger old people exercise class at the gym. Those SS’ers will knock you over if you get in their way as they get their chair and accessories! I just smile and try to dodge them. That may be me someday.
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People are funny about exercise equipment. I do two equipment classes a week without fail. There’s a woman in the 2nd class who is less consistent. I get to class early to adjust the Reformer I’m going to use. She arrives at the last minute. She marches over to me and announces I’m in “her” spot. Uh, no. She is definitely older than I am and looked shocked that I wasn’t going to move.
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FWIW, with the relaxed rules here now, I think you can type the word hell and it won’t get x’d out (we shall see as soon as this posts!)
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My kid was a lifeguard- he lived in fear of the water aerobics ladies- they were always complaining about something and getting into conflicts with the lap swimmers.
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I think we are seeing a rude younger generation due to not poor parenting, but different parenting. Our parents made us polite to a fault because what we did/didn’t do would project poorly on them. Younger parents don’t care about that. They care that their kid has no obstacles or hardships to contend with. Kids today are far less concerned with how they present to older people. They view the older generation as people that are their to serve them rather than the other way around.
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Interesting in my neck of the woods it’s the older retired men that are the rudest. I feel like they were used to being the boss and being listened to regardless if they were wrong or rude.
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My 17 yr old daughter considers it’s rude that the male customers at Walmart seem to always want to touch her when asking her a question at work.
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