The other night H and I were driving home and were turning onto our street when out of nowhere (I was the passenger, H was the driver), some guys on a bike comes darting in front of us and we have to stop suddenly. He had no light on the bike, no helmet, no reflective clothing. We couldn’t tell at the time, but it was our across the street neighbor, who we don’t know super well. Well we pull into our driveway and were getting out, and the guy comes over and starts yelling at us about how we almost hit him and we driving too fast (we were not going fast at all) and how there were kids who live on the street (it was 9:30 PM and no kids in sight at the time) and there is a cop who lives on the street (the cop who lets his toddler who can barely walk play in the street), and just keeps going on and on. He said he was going to call the police. H tried to apologize and even told the guy he might want to wear reflective gear or get a light, which made him even angrier. The next day he tried to confront me about it again and also got mad because he said our gardners come too early. What is this guys deal? Does he really think yelling and causing a scene will solve the problem?
D had a similar situation with someone who came over to complain about her roommate’s dog barking. Instead of just nicely coming over and saying “Your dog’s barking is really disturbing me, can you please bring them inside?” The guy comes over yelling and throwing a tantrum over the dogs barking. I find barking dogs annoying as the next person, but is there a need to be such a jerk about it? Also, this guy had moved into the place next door to D the day before. Maybe, wait to see if it becomes a major issue before you say anything? The guy said he was angry because that morning he had been over 4 other times and rang the doorbell multiple times, he hadn’t because they have cameras which show no one had been over before he came over yelling and also D’s doorbell is very loud, she would’ve heard it. D did talk to her roommate and they solved the barking problem (as they should). But, really getting that mad over barking dogs? (just to clarify, I don’t like barking dogs and I have NICELY asked neighbors to please do something about their dog’s constant barking and we have gotten the HOA involved as well in some cases. But we’ve always kept it friendly and civil.)
I see this more and more with people flying off the handle over stuff that’s really not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. We have friends who own a car dealership and they’ve had to kick out customers, who in some cases are in the right and the dealership is at fault, who get so mad they become hostile. It’s really astonishing….I get there have always been mean people, but it seems so much more common now.
H and I have discussed this. We have noticed the same thing. Our neighborhood has a community Facebook page intended to bring people together - but some people insist on using it to complain and to tear people apart. People don’t observe common courtesy on the road, in parking lots, in store aisles.
We thought it might be that the older we get, the less we are willing to excuse rudeness. TBH, though, I think some people are increasingly emboldened to care more about themselves and what they want than about basic human decency.
It used to be that people would say - rude, offensive, etc - things on social media that they would never say in real life because of the anonymity of the internet. I think people just got so in the habit of saying whatever comes into their heads that they are, in fact, now doing it in real life as well. And of course there has been a shift in what is acceptable and expected in public discourse since the 2016 election. The two have fed off each other, imo.
So true! On my local Reddit and next door, there are so many postings about road rage. Don’t get me started about my neighborhood Facebook page….
So true. I think the it’s all about me attitude that is making people act rude and take things personally or feel like they have to be right all the time.
I agree that people seem ruder. I think we’ve gotten too used to hiding behind a keyboard and not seeing people as part of our communities but instead as adversaries. We also don’t seem to give people the benefit of the doubt and just assume the worst.
I also agree that we don’t have the best role models right now from the top down.
So true! I also think Covid didn’t help, because we all got used to being isolated and it cut us all off from our communities. People need to have grace and realize that no one is perfect, we all make mistakes and try not to take stuff personally. The guy who cuts you off in traffic doesn’t have a personal vendetta against you. Your neighbor who has a dog that barks too much, I highly doubt that neighbor is letting their dog bark on purpose to annoy you, they probably just don’t realize how bothersome it is.
Personally I think we have a whole generation of people who need to go “touch grass” , reconnect with actual people and get off the internet. Not limited to younger people either. And they all need to read an ettiquette book (but half can’t read).
It’s true. But I don’t blame computers/social media. That is just one avenue. As you have stated it’s not just “online” it’s right in our neighborhoods, workplaces. Etc
We all know it’s not ok. And for the most part, “we” all know better. But when it becomes more commonplace and we see those in higher places doing the same it seems to become ok.
Combat it the best you can by tossing back staple reasonable comments or kill them with kindness.
Actually, it’s been expected and accepted since political rhetoric became personal ad hominem attacks instead of issue—driven. It’s a terrible shame and very upsetting and makes the world a less pleasant place. People have forgotten any social skills they may have had and prefer just to attack.
If people are of the opinion that today’s society is ruder than it formerly was, that doesn’t mean it’s a political opinion. Let’s ensure that we don’t become political on this thread.
I agree about people needing to display grace. However, one needs to understand grace first. It seems if a mistake is made, people are justified to over-react and fly off the handle.
I didn’t have time to write this earlier, but last weekend I’m the one who got (perhaps) irrationally irritated, at a server in a restaurant. I almost started a thread about it, because I was so mad. Long story short, the waiter asked me why I hadn’t given him a tip as we were leaving, when the receipt he gave me showed that I did. The guy was brusque and clearly hungover with a Liquid IV in his shirt pocket and not wearing the correct uniform. We had had to ask him for drinks multiple times and other things. Turns out the guy had given me the wrong receipt, one where the tip WAS INCLUDED, but he kept saying that he didn’t know how I got that receipt (uh, you gave it to me), and he tried to crumple it up and pretend like he hadn’t made the mistake and then wanted to run my card a second time to include a tip. He said that he couldn’t cancel the other charge so he wants to charge me again? What? Eventually, I told him to just get a manager. And then the manager doesn’t apologize or do anything to try to make this right. By the time we left, it was crowded and this was a bit of a scene and I was embarrassed, especially because this lunch was a celebration of my DIL’s 30th birthday. I had the manager show me the original, correct charge, told him to leave it as is and then threw a $20 bill on the table.
If the guy had just said, sorry, I gave you the wrong receipt, let me get the correct one, then that would’ve been that and clear to everyone. But he didn’t want to admit his mistake and was solely focused on the tip, which, again, according to the receipt he gave me showed a tip included. UGH. It was so maddening.
I don’t know whether I was easily angered. I think I was justified, truthfully. But I was surprised that the manager didn’t do a better job of resolving the situation. My dh thought that the manager was fed up with the server as well but didn’t want to throw him under the bus so didn’t want to give an inch either and admit the mistake.
I hope I’m not ruder than I used to be. But I know I am angrier. I am angry all the time. The world that I wanted to leave my grandchildren is being destroyed. And yes, it seems like everyone is only out for themselves. So I do a lot of deep breathing and play with small children and read escapist fiction. I’m self-aware enough to control It, but I admit that I am angrier than I was 11 years ago.
Yes, I feel I have a shorter fuse these days because so many people seem angry and on edge. To counteract this, I brought small food treats for folks getting radiation and consultations with the oncologists and the staff and handed the food out in the waiting room several times. They all seemed surprised and I like to think it helped them bear their treatments and setting a bit better.
I was just thinking this. We live on a one-way street. Occasionally bicycles ignore this. When it’s kids, I have some patience. The other day, a grown man was riding his bike, no helmet, zigzagging over the street, the wrong direction. I pulled to a stop so he could go past me without risk. But apparently he felt there wasn’t space beside me and the parked cars, so he started YELLING at me. I just waited until he left and then proceeded. I mean…what?? Maybe he was on drugs.
While I have not noticed a rise in anger & rudeness, I understand how you would be shaken by your neighbor’s behavior. Folks who ride bikes or walk on the side of the road at night really do need to be aware that wearing reflective material is important.
One line of thought that I appreciate is: “build two fences; one to keep the dogs in, and the other to keep the neighbors out.”
P.S. In the past, in our area, bicycle riders were the rudest folks encountered on a regular basis. Strange because our town has bicycle lanes and a low speed limit for vehicles.
Actually, I have experienced the opposite of a rise in rudeness and anger lately. Folks that I meet & engage with are very kind & polite–moreso than before. Not sure why, but it is nice.
From your description of what happened, I would say that the rude ones were the server and the manager. The fact that others are rude doesn’t mean you have to roll over and take it. Sounds like you handled the situation respectfully, even though you were disrespected.