My son is a junior, majoring in English. He claims that he has never felt passionate about any academic subject, either in college or high school. I’m not sure I believe him, because he is always sharing things he has learned with us, and when he was in high school, he lit up when talking about certain subjects, such as theatre, theology, and literature.
He is being treated for depression (both kids have major depressive disorder, a family curse), but doesn’t seem as down as he did last spring. It’s hard to know what is really going on. He will be home for spring break next week, so we can assess the situation then.
But as I thought about this, it occurred to me that there must be many people who find some joy in life without ever having work they are passionate about, and that this is okay. It has only been in the last few years that we’ve emphasized having a passion to make kids stand out to ad comms. Previous generations just took a job after college and fell into careers that paid their bills. People who didn’t go to college (the majority), learned trades, or did what their fathers did, or became housewives, or did unskilled labor. A few pursued passions like art or medicine, but I don’t think most people felt that their lives derived all of their meaning from their work.
Are we doing kids a disservice by encouraging them to find a passion? And do the kids who just don’t have one feel defective? I’m wondering if this is going on with my son. Any thoughts?
My BFF since eighth grade got her bachelor’s degree in math and her PhD in history. She wanted to become a professor, but she’s not really a people person and never got a job in academia. She works for a state agency, evaluating grants from high schools and working on their website. It’s definitely just a job to pay the bills, but she took up sailing a few years ago and really enjoys life. She never married, but she is in a serious relationship and travels a lot with the man.
I would hope your son could feel passion for something if his depression can be treated adequately. I hope the doctors can keep trying new meds/therapy. I will be thinking about him and you!
“I fell into a career that pays the bills” describes both me and my spouse. It’s just work, not my identity. I’ve been in the same field for 20+ years now, and it’s only in the last year or so that I’ve stopped wondering what I’m going to be when I grow up - mostly because I’m kind of looking forward to not being anything in particular! I like the work, it’s generally pleasant and interesting, and if I won the billion-dollar lottery today, I would not be employed tomorrow.
I’m always kind of surprised to find a teenager who knows just what they want to do with their life. I tell my own kid that she gets to decide what she wants her life to be like every single day, and that she has another eighty years to decide what she wants to be when she grows up.
I think many people don’t have a “passion” and I don’t think it is essential to having a happy and fulfilling life. Here are a few experiences I can share:
My nephew followed his passion (loved music, was in a reasonably successful indie rock band but they never made much money) and ended up fairly unhappy after a number of years traveling around, sleeping on floors etc. He now seems quite content in a more settled (probably less passionate) life and is studying to become a teacher.
I had a passion for history – but couldn’t afford to be a history major as I had to get a job after college so I became an accounting major who took a lot of history electives (and who still reads some history books for pleasure). I had a very nice career, wonderful family and have pretty happy life.
My son never had an academic passion – but he found a major which led to a profession he can do very well (also a CPA), is making a good living and is self-sufficient, can take a nice reasonably nice vacation every year, and seems to have a happy life surrounded by friends, family etc. (just needs a girlfriend LOL). My D seems to have a passion for her grad program (studying to be a speech pathologist) but still gets aggravated by the paperwork etc. so nothing is perfect.
So my bottom line is that passion and joy can often come outside of the workplace. IMO the trick is to find something you like, can do well, can make a living from and then fill the rest of your life with people you want to be with, doing things you enjoy etc.
Interested to hear other’s opinions though.
And best wishes to you and your son. I hope you find he is doing well when he is home from break.
I love my job but I wouldn’t call it a passion. And I definitely fell into my current career as a way to pay the bills and advance professionally- not out of some grand master plan.
But I do think that if your son can’t feel passionate about something- anything- doesn’t need to be professional in nature- it’s worth discussing with his care team. I know people who phone it in at work but they have hobbies they adore. Or they are good at what they do and derive satisfaction from it, but get their real “jolt” from volunteer activities, or serving on the board of directors of a cause they really and truly love and endorse.
A close friend of mine works very hard at a job she tolerates (money is good, it’s five minutes from home, has flexibility) but is the ultimate “mother hen” taking care of family members, friends, neighbors in need. She is a passionate volunteer and community builder… oh, and also cashes her paycheck.
I wouldn’t be concerned about a kid who couldn’t quite connect the dots between academics and life after college- but a kid who isn’t excited about ANYTHING? I’d raise it as an issue.
Realistically, not everyone is passionate about an (available in college) academic subject or his/her work. For many people, school and work are doing something acceptable to earn a living, while an “extracurricular” activity is their actual passion. An example would be those working full time at various jobs but doing sports or performing arts with a community club or group in the evenings and weekends. Sports and performing arts earn a living only for those who are elite at them, so others who are passionate about them need to be content with “extracurricular” participation in them.
hmm, interesting topic. I have always had a passion for various things. For me, it was an issue of deciding which one I liked best. Once I decided that simultaneous translation was not for me once I found out the pay. Another time, I decided on my second favorite ( also on the basis of $). It turned out great. I took several radical turns along the way. For the last 15 years I have worked for myself in a job which is a passion of mine. I will work till I am able as I love it ( and would do it for free, don’t tell my clients though). My spouse and kiddos tease me about how much I love my work.
I think some people are born with a lot of passion others develop it. I’m hoping our kiddos have passion in their work and make a lot of money at something unusual that is suited just for them.
Regarding the specific question asked, however, I think depression might have a lot to do with this lack of passion.
In some ways I think this falls into a category of something kids worry about because it’s so focused on in social media and trite sayings like “if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.” Like the aspirational HGTV shows that seem to tie happiness to granite countertops I don’t think happiness is about one passion, you can have many of those that change throughout your life.
The reality is sometimes just funding adulthood is the goal. I once told my artistic and very math inclined D that she could be a starving artist or be an actuary or accountant and fund a nice at home studio and put that love into her free time. Maybe not good advice and she did neither.
I mentioned on the thread about the Happiness class at Yale that I like a student op ed piece. He was saying that the class was important because high achieving students had spent all HS life trying to be the best and to show passion and follow through for ECs, etc and once into college were left with a “what now” feeling. I kind of see that - many of these threads encourage HS students to find a passion to show colleges who they are but not everyone has that personality. Yet they feel they should or they’re less than…
I do think some people are more passionate and single minded in their life. Some aren’t. Doesn’t mean they can’t be happy or fulfilled IMO.
I think the real difference is how people differ in expressing their passions: some are exuberant about it whereas some are just a little bit happy about it. For example, I am passionate about watching certain soccer games but I was rarely close to this passionate about pursuing any school subject. Only time I was close to this passionate and stressed at the same time (aside from personal stuff as kids and family) was about building my own business. Generally, the best tactic is being passionate about what you are doing, whatever that may be.
I don’t know if I have a “passion” but I like my job as i get use logic and techy type skills while working with customers.
I majored in Electrical Engineering but was never passionate about any particular aspect of EE…just the mathmatical foundations and logic and thinking about problems and solutions and that kind of thing.
Ha - I do not have a passion, unless you count sitting on my butt & enjoying a glass of wine after work a passion.
Seriously, though, my job is my job. It pays the bills. I like many things about it, and I have an intense and very dark dislike of other things about it. H has enjoyed his job over the years, for the most part, but it has never been a passion. Now he just wants to make it to retirement.
I’ve never found a passion for work of any kind. I’ve found a passion for lots of leisure activities and hobbies so I won’t be one of those people that never retires. I’m not lazy at all, I just don’t have an interest in banking, retail, medical fields, media, accounting, etc.
I wouldn’t worry about your kid finding their passion, they just have to find a job that pays the bills and allows them to save for when they don’t feel working anymore.
I think the idea that one needs to be “special” “stand out” and “make an impact” could be linked to feelings of failure and depression in young people who have grown up in the instant messaging can order it online get it now world who haven’t learned that success and passion in work, love, and life usually is a long slow road of purposeful everyday positive effort. Authentic connections and relationships (not screen based ones) are also involved.
For most people, work is a way to pay the bills and they’re not clinically depressed. If you hate school/your job, then that can be a significant stressor. However, you don’t need passion at school/work to be happy or at the very least not depressed.
One’s passion does not have to be tied to one’s job. Sometimes the job pays the bills and enables the passion - a hobby or a volunteer interest. And I think one’s passion may change over time too, perfectly OK. Just as there is not just one perfect school out there, neither do you have to find your passion in college.
Agree with @romanigypsyeyes Depression is a clinical diagnosis that requires medical treatment. It’s important not to confuse that with interest or passion in a subject. Clinical depression should be treated by a medical professional and shouldnt be confused with career counseling.
I’m so glad you raised this! This focus on passion is new and in some ways disturbing. Kids in high school are worrying about trying too many different ECs because schools are looking for passion and dedication. Kids are being asked to choose a major before even applying to college. Its too much. A wonderful speaker I know named Barbara Sher suggested that the world is devided into two kinds of people, “divers” who find a passion and want to spend life going deeply into that subject and “scanners” who like learning new things and trying new things and don’t ever necessarily ever find that one overriding passion. Many scanners have more then one career over the course of a life time. Others find careers that cater to their scanner natures allowing them to research and experience new things often. Think – travel writers, artists, certain types of lawyers, entrepreneurs, consultants, I could go on and on. Also, as so many here have said, a scanner’s needs don’t have to be met with a career. A job that is pleasant and leaves time for personal growth outside of work can be a great asset.
People who don’t have that one driving interest are often made to feel bad these days, but having lots of interests and the ability to absorb new and exciting things can be a huge asset and lead to a wonderful life.
I’m another person who sometimes is both depressed and passionate about certain things at the same time. However, I do think that a general lack of enthusiasm (e.g., “nothing matters,” “I don’t like anything,” “I hate everything”) can be a sign of depression.
I think life is horrible unless you live with a passion. Whether it’s your kids, success in your career, following your religion, volunteering around the world…If you don’t feel like you have a purpose in life, why would you want to keep living?
I think the problem is focusing on school or a certain subject or a job as a passion. Plenty of people find purpose in that, but others find passion in other things.
I don’t think happiness is about one passion, you can have many of those that change throughout your life.