We live 14 hours away. He’ll no I didn’t go last year and I’m not going this year. She rented a storage locker and moved what she didn’t need over the summer to storage, packed what she wanted to bring home and that was that. This year she’s subletting a friend’s apartment for the summer then moving into an off campus apartment. We will help with that move in. She did mention all her friends parents coming to help. I just told her how lucky she was that she was capable of handling it herself.
Ok, counterpoint. Yes, going and have for each of 3 kids at beginning and end of each school year. Never have gone for visits during the year (btw it’s 6 hr drive from me), not parents wkend or their special whatever concert, game, conference… Storage facilities are not easy in the city they are in - they don’t pick up, most/all don’t have a car, no storage pod on site or pickup from dorm options. I help pack up if kids aren’t done. Honestly, I’m of the mindset that this is my only visit to campus - when they need a hand. Yep, hotel, taking off work, it’s ok by me. Happens 2x/yr and soon they won’t ask or need. Ymmv.
I probably should have done it differently, but here goes.
- I actually like to pack (in general). I like organizing and space management.
- I like feeling helpful to my kids.
So probably, technically I should have said “you’re on your own,” I did help them pack and in the case of the one on a plane, I did go out and help move her in and out at least some of the time. I also moved her in and out of a summer internship in NYC. Why? Because I can.
I also enjoyed being helpful moving my kids into their post-college apartments and helping unpack. Many hands make the work go faster.
My son is going to be moving elsewhere as his fellowship has a time limit. I’ve already told him I’m happy to drive down (he’s 3 hours away) the week before he has to vacate and do much of the packing, bring it back, and ease his burden. I have good, grateful kids and it’s just nice to be helpful.
If my mother or sister were to move, I’d be happy to help them too. That’s just how we roll. I certainly get that not everyone can afford a plane ticket / hotel room but if you can and you don’t mind, why not?
So we are only 45 minutes away. However we come and help pack & clean but mostly it is loading the car & truck and moving to the new place each time. He didn’t come home for the summers. Could he do it by himself? well the first couple times no because he didn’t have a car to move the stuff with. The last 2 times he could have done it but we helped his GF move too and since they have to move in 1 day it took all of us to move both of them to their new places.
Because you can and want to. Exactly. Or because I can’t and (possibly)don’t want to. I just don’t understand why either point of view is considered judgemental. Not everyone is of the opinion that it is in any way “required” or do they have the circumstances to offer the same amount of help. And in many many circumstances kids like the independence. I know mine does. As you say, it’s how we roll.
And sure, when D moved into her apartment just a half hour from home we all chipped in. Stuff is heavy.But when she moved to Berlin? Um, no.
When D first was accepted and I was making plans for the freshman year move-in, I said to my H something to the effect of - so she and I will go out there, so I’m going to redeem these miles for the tickets, blah blah. And he looked at me as though I had two heads - are you saying I’m not going to move her in too? Are you out of your mind? It was kind of a rite of passage.
After college, S moved away first, then D moved downtown - over a Labor Day weekend. S came back for the weekend explicitly to be another hand to help move her in. I don’t know, we are just kind of a all-hands-on-deck family when it comes to this. Maybe it’s enabling.
My kids would be like, “Mooommmm…I can do it myself. Back off.” 
As far the packing time, I think both kids have developed the strategy of packing in stages. It provides a little procrastination breaks from studying for that final or writing that paper while not feeling too guilty about it.
D had packed nothing when we arrived to pick her up at the end of her first year. We didn’t go there at the end of her second year But we obviously didn’t all learn our lessons, because she did not pack anything prior to graduation.
With younger d, it so happened that we went to see her in a performance prior to finals and so we did pack up and take home with us a good amount of her winter clothes. She then rented a storage room with two friends and with a borrowed car they moved what was being stored… full=length mirror, sets of plastic drawers, desk lamps, fans, mini-fridge, etc. She flew home with one suitcase after finals.
With older d, she also rented a storage space with friends and they stored similar kinds of things. DH drove up and picked her up and they brought whatever was coming home back with them.
Personally I would not want winter coats stored as they probably need to be cleaned. I do recall that when we packed up for move-in sophomore year no one remembered that pillows had been stored and so we went to Target and bought new pillows. Also the full-length mirror didn’t survive the trip from storage room back to dorm. Since both girls lived in suite style housing sophomore year, more kitchen things needed to be bought- toaster ovens, etc.
Minor detail, but I can’t imagine tossing the bedding every year. It’s not THAT bulky–if you put it in a box/container with other stuff it can be pretty well compressed. Seems quite wasteful, frankly.
Tossing the bedding makes sense if you are traveling by air cross country. Luggage allowance and all that.
Well, my son is about 7 hours’ drive and I am, I have to say, looking forward to picking him up. I don’t know if he will have thrown everything into boxes after his evening exam ends, but if not, I’ll help him. No biggie.
He’s been home a few times during the year, but I have not been to visit him at his school and I try not to bug him too much. So, I’m just looking forward to a big hug, having a nice drive home in which to talk, and then having him home for the summer!!!
It’s been a long freshman year for me.
If you can help and want to help, that’s great. Given OP’s view, it seems that she is reluctant. Ic that’s the case, it is fine.
My kids were wait-till-the-last-minute types so they appreciated help. I even took a flight down to Chapel Hill to drive my car back to New England because my oldest D and son-in-law borrowed my SUV for their move to NC. Son-in-law drove a U-haul truck and D took their dog and plants in my SUV. It worked for me and saved them some money. Son-in-law was starting a Phd program at UNC and their income was definitely going down–his gradudate stipend was only a fraction of his previous salary. I got a chance to visit old friends who lived in Durham.Win-win for all.
We helped our kids move in and organize as freshmen. We also helped them move into their first apartments after undergrad.
We did NOT ever go and help our kids pack up to come home from undergrad school.
To be honest…if your daughter is 600 miles away…why not find a storage unit with some friends and leave the “stuff” there?
Our across the country kid never brought anything home in the summers but a suitcase with clothes. And her computer, and musical instruments. Everything else stayed in a storage unit in the college town. It cost less than $200 for the whole summer.
OTOH, our other kid who was only 110 miles way…bright it all home every summer…where it sat…in boxes…in our living room all summer, untouched…until we moved it back to the college. The only thing he used at home was his suitcase of clothing, computer…and musical instruments.
Don’t go there and pack. we drove to pick up the one kid…and we made it clear that we would help load the van…but we would not pack. He did it himself.
And some kids would actually prefer to do it themselves. Last summer my S attended a 7 week hockey camp. H and I drove up the night before with the intention of taking him and his roommates out for dinner and then helping him pack things up. After dinner H and I followed him into the dorms and told him we would help him pack up. He looked startled and let the other boys go upstairs. He then told H and I that the suggestion embarrassed him and he could pack himself up. I started to ask if I could just get the hockey equipment but H gently guided me out the door.
My real purpose was to make sure that not one piece of that hockey equipment found it’s way into the interior of my car - it’s always relegated to the trunk. There is a special place in hell for the manufacturers of hockey equipment - there is no earthly way to get the smell out of that stuff.
@HarvestMoon1 Another mom and I used to joke, while sitting watching our kids’ games, that we’d start a business hauling one of these ozone machines from event to event sterilizing everyone’s equipment for a fee:
http://www.sani-sport.com/
Ballet pointe shoes can get very ripe, too.
If all the other parents are there, perhaps it is an instate or regional school, where many families are closer. S did study abroad twice, so I made a combination flight/rental car trip back and forth too many times to haul the mess home. A twelve hour drive. It was a major financial drain and money I’d rather have spent elsewhere. But he was aa a regional school, with no storage facilitates that would have worked easily, so we schlepped. It was a twelve hour drive. But I was happy to have drive time with him and share in the college experience.
Reading this thread had me thinking back to my college years. And I cannot,for the life of me, remember how my stuff made it home junior year. i know the specifics of the other years, but i just do not know about junior year. 
We picked up D and her already packed stuff each year. Some years it was boxes/bins, other years a whole bunch of trash bags. She did all her sorting and tossing when she got home. And re-sorted and tossed just before she went back. My S will most likely need less boxes/bins/trash bags.
That’s where I’m different than some here who are asking whether this is something parents do or not… I had no clue whatsoever whether the other parents were going to be there or not. That never entered our minds in deciding whether to go or not, and I wouldn’t base a decision on whether other parents were doing it or not. I would do it or not do it based on our own family’s particular priorities and preferences, not someone else’s.
Wow! Never thought this would get so much traction.
She IS doing this. She has to sort into three categories: 1) Store at college town for the summer; 2) Ship back home; 3) Pack in a suitcase to check on the flight.
The more I think about it, the more I think she should store almost everything there. Maybe she’ll be able to manage with one carry-on and two checked bags on the flight. A checked bag costs half what it costs to ship a box.
Storage and shipping are easy-peasy. She picks up boxes and supplies at a central location in dorm. She brings packed boxes back to the central location in dorm (there are wheelie things available to move the boxes), where representatives take custody of the boxes, label them, and get them to where they have to go. D gets a receipt and walks away.
Yes, this is it. She said that one of her friends was shocked—SHOCKED!—that D will not be having a parent come to help.
I wouldn’t mind going and helping. It’s the expense that’s stopping me, and I know she can do it on her own. If I felt she could not, then I would spend the money to go.
As i said upthread, I’ve been there four times in the past 10 months: June, flew out for orientation (Mom, Dad, and D); September, drove for drop-off (Mom, Dad, and D); November, flew out for parents’ weekend (Mom, Dad, and two sibs); February, I alone flew out for sorority parents’ weekend. I think that’s enough for one year.