<p>Do you allow your high school kids to play video game and instant messenger? Till now I have allowed my S, rising sophomore, to do them as long as he does his home work and study. I am considering to stop him to play video game, maybe also instant messenger, because many of his friends are not allowed to do them.</p>
<p>wzzzz, I also have a sophomore who has an active buddy list and spends more time on IM than Im comfortable with. I have contemplated limiting her IM time but have not actually done so - YET. She also loves to play Sims on weekends when she has a longer stretch of free time.</p>
<p>wzzzz, when my son was a HS sophomore IM wasn’t much in use, but he was constantly on the computer doing research for debate. And once he’s on the computer for several hours a day, it’s hard to tell him what else not to do. When he was younger, we didn’t buy him any games; so he wrote primitive games himself and thereby taught himself how to program.</p>
<p>IMO as long as the computer is an integral part of the homework process, whehter for EC’s or for general research, you need to focus not so much on what he’s doing on the computer and more on whether he’s getting his assignments and projects done on time.</p>
<p>wzzzz, if video games/AIM (or any other recreational activity) doesn’t have a negative effect on him in terms of grades, homework, then why would you not let him? You’re going to create some stress in your relationship if you start imposing restrictions with no obvious reasons.</p>
<p>My son is going to be a senior this year and I have faced similar questions. For him, it’s not so much the games as it is AIM… It is very difficult to regulate… I usually tell him he’d better put up his “away message,” but when I go into my office and look at his name on my buddy list… I see that away message often comes down… Unless you can be on them constantly, there is no way you can enforce this. SO, I request that he put his away message up…and hope for the best… hope that he can discipline himself to do the right thing and stay focused on his responsibilities. The bottom line is that they complete their assignments successfully.</p>
<p>IM seems to be a fundamental part of teenage communication these days. They can talk to everyone at once. The option is the phone and you don’t want that tied up.</p>
<p>well we still have dial up srmom- lol- but my daughter does IM although she also has her cell to talk to her friends. Probably uses cell as much as IM- doesn’t play video games although if she wanted to depending on the game I would allow it.</p>
<p>IMHO trying to limit IM is just asking your son to lie to you. It is so common today, it’s like breathing to teenagers. As for video games, no ‘R’ ratings, reasonable bedtimes should be applied during the school week, and of course homework comes first. Otherwise, if he’s a good kid, why rock the boat? I practiced very simple rules with my D and it seemed to work.</p>
<p>I don’t think u should restrict it as long as there’s no significant problem caused by them. AIM and games i think are quite fundamental to our existence(i may be exaggerating but it’s quite common.) But you could talk to him about regulating it.</p>
<p>Also i don’t think putting ur children on ur buddy list helps because they could block u and it would seem like they r offline. So that wouldn’t work.</p>
<p>i’m a rising senior, and i just thought you might like a student’s perspective on this :)</p>
<p>My parents have never limited my AIM time (i don’t play video games, so they don’t need to worry about that). What I have found, however, is that i come to limit it myself. I have sports after school every day and then hours of homework, but when the AIM goes up, I get so distracted that i can’t concentrate on homework. Sometimes i wouldn’t even start my hw until ten and finish around 2:00. So now I just don’t really go on much during the school year unless i need to ask my friends some q’s about the hw. On the other hand, I have some friends who get excellent grades who have no problems concentrating while AIM is up. I guess it really just depends on the type of person. I’ve learned my lesson, and now i self-regulate, but others may not need to. It sounds like your son is getting everything done, but if it gets to be too much, hopefully he’ll be able to recognize that on his own.</p>
<p>This is my thoughts on IM:</p>
<p>I live quite far away from my school friends. It’s a good 20-minute ride, and since I can’t drive, I can’t see them as much as I would like to. IMing allows me to communicate with my friends. My parents prefer it to the phone since it doesn’t tie up the phone for hours and hours and hours. It also let’s me ask quick homework questions, while I’m already at the computer. I also prefer IMing because I do not like calling people on the phone as much. In the end, I think you should limit, rather than cut-off this source of communication. :p</p>
<p><em>raises video game addict hand</em>
I spend quite a lot of time playing video games. However, I’m sensible about it (though that has taken a while to develop…) and I cut down at the crunch times in college. Though there’s times when you’re really stressed out and a quick game of Halo is just <em>so</em> satisfying…
IM’ing? Saves me a bloody fortune on my mobile phone costs!</p>
<p>Both of my kids had to learn how much time they can play and chat on the computer. My oldest is a rising senior. He has learned to self regulate how much time he can play on the computer. He limits himself to week-ends, half hour per day on week-days and limitless time during the summer (I am talking about hours). I let him spend a lot of time playing during the summer so he can get it out of his system. I do need to remind him to get up and go see some daylight and play basketball, or get some kind of exercise.</p>
<p>My younger son is in junior high. He also spent a lot of time this summer on the computer, but also had other interests and went to summer camp (no electronics there). I just reminded him that I will have rules this year. we worked out a plan. He will study and do 2 hours of hw every night where he is not in front of a computer. You can do your math, study from texts, etc. without the computer. Then he will be allowed to do research and type his English essays etc. on the computer and can chat. He will not play games during the week.</p>
<p>I have also been concerned about the amount of time my D spends on the computer – AIM, games, etc. This seems to be an obsession with her. She’s entering 9th grade this year. My older D, a rising senior, doesn’t have this obsession and is conscious of wasting too much time on the computer. I have ended up letting the younger D spend so much time because – she attends private school and her friends are up to 45 minutes away and it is a way to stay connected. Plus she has friends she has made at camps, etc. who are in other states who she still maintains contact with. In addition, she is very much into Fan Fics (fan fiction writing). I think this is truly helping her writing skills as she sometimes spends hours writing and actually gets very good reviews from reader who read her stuff. She has also taught herself some html and learned to set up a website. So, while I am completely uncomfortable with the amount of time she spends on the computer, I haven’t done much about it. Also, she is a good kid. Gets her homework done, gets good grades, doesn’t drink, smoke or anything else. So I guess this one particular vice isn’t so bad.</p>
<p>Within the past year or so, my DS – a rising senior – has become a big IMer and video game player. It bothers me a lot. I’ve been extremely tempted to put my foot down and limit these activities. However, if I did that, my DS would never learn to manage himself and his responsbilities. In my view, the natural consequence of overdoing the IMing and video games is bad grades and less attractive college choices. I am quick to tell him what the natural consequences of his choices are, but I also tell him that he is free to make them and to “enjoy” the consequences.</p>
<p>I can jump in now if I wish, because he lives at home. But what will happen when he’s away at college, and there’s no one to “manage” him. Better he learn now, than later. After all, self-discipline is a part of what being an independent adult learner is all about.</p>
<p>We have always made computers accessible to both kids & have expected them to use it responsibly. So far, they have never disappointed us, tho of course we would like them to use it a bit less than they do. They do keep in touch with classmates & do homework on the computer. </p>
<p>Their instructors keep in touch with them via e-mail & post assignments & grades on the computer. My daughter’s chem teacher just told them that they don’t have to bring their chem books home because he gave them the password to access it over the computer. He told them to leave their books at school.</p>
<p>At times I have thought about trying to limit their access, but I would rather they learn to self-regulate and be responsible. We do remind them that school & homework comes first. Both are doing pretty well in school, so we feel it’s working pretty well.</p>
<p>HImom</p>
<p>you limit how much time a kid is going to IM in high school is pointless - they’re just going to IM the time away while at college anyway… everyone does… even kids without computers… :)</p>
<p>My Ds go through phases- either a LOT of Iming or non at all…they have gotten to self regulate, but I keep an eye cause it is easy to get distracted. I think Myspace can take up alot of time to, that six degrees of seperation thing…</p>
<p>Depending on what college you go too, it’s going to be a lot harder to spend several hours on the computer and away from your textbooks and still keep up with classes. This happened to me the first semester of college. While I didn’t do badly, I know that without my computer I could have done better. So I left my computer at home and just used the computer lab at the college the second semester: I didn’t sacrifice anything important by leaving my computer at home and I was better prepared for all of my classes. Also, instead of spending hours on AIM (or College Confidential), with my spare time I read some books I’ve been meaning to get through!</p>
<p>It used to drive me crazy–IMing–but both kids claim that they use it for study groups while doing homework (and no, I’m not a complete naif.) I can’t argue with the grades they’ve maintained, despite the constant sound effects going on while they do homework (doors opening and closing, moos, etc.) So, I’ve gotten over it, and see it as just one of those generational things I’ll never really understand. One important thing though…IM is nearly my only means of communicating with my college daughter, so I’ve come to really like it. Her away messages are always current and informative, and keep me fully up to date with what’s going on in her life.</p>