<p>Here again, I see the sanctimonious and superior attitude of those who feel their way is the only way.</p>
<p>If you want to have ten kids, can afford them without government assistance, be my guest. (I am opposed to those polygamous families, and other gigundo families, milking off the federal government).</p>
<p>I may think your large family is overutilizing a limited number of resources, but it isn’t my place to make judgements about your family. If it works for you, yay.</p>
<p>The same courtesy should be returned. I have two children, by choice. There are many opportunities that they will have because there are only two of them that they would not have if there were six of them. That is my choice to provide private school, expensive music lessons, travel to ensemble groups, etc. I couldn’t do those things with a large number of children. I am glad that I can with two.</p>
<p>But don’t dare pontificate about the virtues of “big family” children, as if they are so much better, well behaved and unspoiled, and that small family children are a bunch of entitled spoiled brats. </p>
<p>You do what works for you. I will do what works for me.</p>
I SO hope the “six” was not in reference to <em>my</em> family. If so, I would encourage you to reread my above posts (or read them for the first time). I have stated EXACTLY what you just did. peace, ~berurah</p>
<p>I come from a family of 2 kids, and we both had to pull our weight. Both parents worked very hard to make our lives comfortable, and we were probably told “No” more often than “yes”. My brother and I grew up as kind and loving individuals, always willing to give to others. Well brought up, and generally decent human beings.</p>
<p>OTOH, my H came from a family of 5 mean kids. And they were and are very territorial about everything. They were not spoiled, but they were not expected to contribute anything to the homestead. You would not want to be stranded on an island with any of them!!!</p>
<p>H and I have 3 delightful kids. We love them endlessly, and give them very little of the material goodies. They don’t “expect” too much, and are always thrilled to get anything.</p>
<p>I believe that well-behaved, unselfish kids children are a product of caring and careful parents, regardless of whether it is a large or a small family.</p>
<p>There are also books about birth order and how children, in the aggregate, act. </p>
<p>It’s not judgmental or sanctimonious… only gets that way if you think it’s the fault of the parents for not having more kids, instead of bringing up the ones that they have differently. Number of children is deeply personal; however, parents should be aware of the different dynamics at play and encourage their children to overcome the “disadvantages” of their particular family structure. Large families might have to work harder for individual attention - they might have to employ other family members. Parents of only children have to ensure that their kid is properly socialized and doesn’t get too comfortable with the world revolving around them. Wealthy parents can provide all they want for their kids, but some parents on these boards have mentioned that they do instill values in their kids - somehow, making sure that the kid knows how lucky they are. </p>
<p>I know that I’m lucky to have a big family. It’s fantastic. There are disadvantages - I’m forced to be more independent than my friends because my parents just can’t take care of me when they have the little kids. That, coupled with the fact that my 'rents are very hands-off anyway, and they have one independent child who is a little on the headstrong side (see “Aries” in screen name). They tend to want to know weird things about me, like what time zone I’m in. ;)</p>
<p>Maybe some of this is frustration from dealing with an ex-boyfriend… classic only child who is very close to his parents. He relies on his mom a lot and was certainly looking for that in a relationship. (He wanted to get married. I wanted out. Somehow, we’re friendly.) He’s been trying to get me to make hotel reservations for him for an upcoming event… it’s like… HELLO! we broke up a year ago and I’m not your mother, make your own reservations. It’s not that hard - go online and type stuff into the computer. Ugh!</p>
I’m not sure what I appreciate more about this post…the absolute “truth” of this statement or ellemenope’s ability to laugh at herself! Interestingly, I’ve found with my friends that any and all of them who had fewer kids than they wanted (due to disagreements with their dh’s over number) do the EXACT same thing, usually when their youngest goes to school full time. But I’m one to talk…we have three dogs, three cats (with the addition of one of my Mother’s Day presents, a teeny tiny black and white kitten named Belle!), two guinea pigs, and a fish named “chicken.” ~berurah</p>
<p>Yep, I’ve noticed that it’s the families with larger households that also tend to have more pets. S has one friend with 5 kids in the family and three dogs, and another with 6 kids in the family, and I lost track of how many pets they now have! We have two kids and one big dog in our house. As far as the OP, in our case the dog keeps the kids from being spoiled, since he is definitely the one the household revolves around! As Barry Louis Polisar once sang, “Oh, I want to be a dog,”</p>
<p>Number of kids is not just a “personal” matter, it affects the world</p>
<p>With my two, that was enough, I thought about out impact in the world, what was fair to them with regards to opportunities, education, our time, travel, etc</p>
<p>Me, we have two rescue dogs- and a foster dog- I get sad thinking that at about the same time my girls go off ontheir own, my pets will pass…</p>
<p>More time to help others will be in the cards</p>
<p>And both my Ds today said, they want kids, but want to adopt kids in need, I was very proud, and if that is the case, i would be the proudest grandma you ever met</p>
Why is it acceptable for you to take these things into consideration and come to one conclusion and not for my dh and I to take our own criteria/priorities/hopes/dreams/desires into consideration and reach a different conclusion without being termed “selfish”?</p>
<p>I had two and then divorced. I always wanted a big family but did not want to deal with new kids/old kids scenario so when I remarried it was to a man who thinks of my two kids as his own (he was older and never had children). We have an interesting mix, two kids with four parents. I don’t know if I would recommend it but it works for us. </p>
<p>I have to say that I feel a moralizing tone at the raising of children here. To each his own I say and as many as you can love and afford is my opinion. Most kids I know come from a priviledged background but being only or two kids come from a divorced background as well. This brings it’s own challenges and adversities to overcome IMO.</p>
<p><em>lolololololol</em> Yep, not quite sure how THAT happened, but it was oldest D’s fault! We almost named our new little kitty “fish,” but somehow Belle was more fitting for her level of sheer beauty! ~b.</p>
Trust me, I’m workin’ on that already! Ironically, we were just having this discussion two days ago wherein she informed me that she thought she’d name her kids after Greek mythology characters. :eek: Now, mind you, this is coming from a girl who has chided me for her entire life (at least the verbal parts of it! <em>lol</em>) for her own less-than-common name. As a result of her (and the other older kids’) influence, my younger three have much more classic names than the older three. So, yeah, I’m panicked…but only a little. She’s just 17! :D</p>
<p>Berurah - you should convince your daughter to skip mythology and go for CC convention. She can take her husband’s name if that’s her choice (Mrs. DH) and then have three kids, S1, D1, and S2.</p>
<strong><em>ROFLMAO</em></strong> I think I’ll suggest this…it beats the heck out of her hypothetical three kids being named Perigune, Eucleia, and Calypso, or worse yet, Dog, Goat, and Kangaroo! ;)</p>
<p>I’m not a big fan of having just one child. I desperately wanted at least two. (and do). I"m not saying that all only children are spoiled (although they can be doted on more because there’s just that one to dote on) but the onlies I know are so in the spotlight all the time. I think there’s alot of pressure on onlies…and not having sibs to help with aging parents etc. … I can’t imagine. I was raised as an only as my sibs were 10 and 12 years older and were in boarding school and college by the time I was in kindergarten. It was lonely. Today we’re all helping to get Mom into a nursing home here near me and we’re all pitching in, no arguing, a few laughs. I’m so grateful to have them. They’re the only people who understand our family culture. Even my husband can’t understand it because its not his… Am I making any sense?</p>
But I’m one to talk…we have three dogs, three cats (with the addition of one of my Mother’s Day presents, a teeny tiny black and white kitten named Belle!), two guinea pigs, and a fish named “chicken.” ~berurah</p>
~b.</p>
I think I’ll suggest this…it beats the heck out of her hypothetical three kids being named Perigune, Eucleia, and Calypso, or worse yet, Dog, Goat, and Kangaroo! ;)</p>