<p>as I said, she is nor prepared, she is too simple, younger than her real age. :[</p>
<p>I suggest that you have a CALM conversation with her about being sexually active. You might want to emphasize that she should be certain that SHE is choosing with whom and when to have sex. You might want to point out that sex can have both physical and emotional consequences, both positive and negative, and that if she is choosing to be sexually active she needs to take responsibility by protecting herself against unwanted pregnancy (probably by being on the pill) and sexually transmitted diseases (probably by using condoms also). Emotionally, things are a lot more complex, but having respect for oneself involves only having sex with people who treat one with respect. I would outright ask her to visit the school clinic if she hasn’t already. Some girls, especially immature ones, think that it is a bad thing to be proactive about birth control because it shows that one planned to have sex. They think that “good girls” don’t plan to be sexually active, they are just overcome in the moment. Those are girls that end up pregnant in droves. If she is adult enough to be sexually active, then she should be adult enough to proudly claim her sexuality and take care of herself in advance.</p>
<p>At least, those are the things I would try to say. And I would not make this dependent on any particular boy or comment on him or their relationship.</p>
<p>If you feel that she’s too “simple” to do it on her own, go up there and take her to PP. I don’t really think any person who can survive at sleep-away college would need this level of parental involvement, but there are exceptions. </p>
<p>Either way, if she’s “too simple” to handle birth control then she’s “too simple” to handle a kid- and one of these is much easier to take care of than the other. </p>
<p>Yes, I visited her last weekend and gave her a booklet about sex for teenagers (consider she is younger than her real age but in college dorm now).I read some and told her some in my car, there wasn’t an occasion that we can sit some where to talk over lunch or dinner. But I had to tell her quick and started sending warnings to her.</p>
<p>I think she had a good friend who is a boy, She asked what he wants for his birthday and also sent her some confusion messages about relationships. I know she wants to have a relationship and wants to have a boyfriend. It is lonely for her to be in campus. I also think it is the age thing, peer pressure that she feels when away from home.
The boy wants her to sleep over as a birthday present. My D feels unbelievable, but she still did.</p>
<p>I think it is one thing “you could say no”!</p>
<p>This weekend, I noticed they changed relationship status on facebook.</p>
<p>So, my worry raised.</p>
<p>She was highly motivated student in her first two years. But as she wants to have a boyfriend, some ppl rejected her… this one takes her… her GPA dropped a lot since this.</p>
<p>It seems to be too late for this young woman, but sometimes people ARE younger than their ages in some respects.
Taking a gap year is beneficial for many students.
I wouldnt agree that someone who is " naive & simple" enough to not understand when seeking birth control is appropriate, is still mature enough to live away at college.
On the otherhand, you seem to be getting more information about activities than many parents would have from a kid who has been off at college for a few years.
I would just ask if she is using protection.</p>
<p>I’m pretty skeptical of this whole scenario. This person is a 20-year-old college student living in the dorms? Presumably a sophomore? Even if she’s a freshman, the year is almost over. Unless this college is on Mars, she’s heard plenty about sex by this time.</p>
<p>Also, this is a first-time poster. Just saying.</p>
<p>sigh</p>
<p>@Hunt, Yes. in dorm, one heard plenty about sex?
Yes, I just decided to create an account to ask questions and get support.</p>
<p>If she’s really in her third year at the college, and has been living in the dorms the whole time, it’s highly unlikely that she’s as “simple” about sex as you seem to think. Perhaps that’s what she wants you to think.</p>
<p>Still skeptical, though.</p>
<p>I don’t know if I over-reacted…</p>
<p>Ok, let me answer your original question. If this was my daughter, and I thought she was “too simple” to get birth control on her own then I wouldn’t pay for her pills. I would pay for her to get an Implant (and I’d take her, too). Birth control pills need to be replenished every month and if that doesn’t happen, they’re useless. If she can’t get on them, I wouldn’t trust her to replenish them every month. The implant on the other hand is pretty fool-proof. Only need to get it changed every few years. </p>
<p>However, that doesn’t protect against STIs and whatnot. While I would hope that my daughter would use protection every time, I would take what I can get by doing my best to help her avoid pregnancy at the very least. </p>
<p>Birth Control Implant (Implanon and Nexplanon)?</p>
<p>do you think I can meet up with the boy? I know I maybe involve too much, but I am a parent. I want to do my best to protect her when I see things wrong.</p>
<p>Your daughter needs to discuss bc pills with a doctor. The ones best for her are often dependent on a number of factors. If she has certain medical issues, they may not even be a good option for her, and someone who is aware of what’s out there can discuss the pluses and minuses of her options. It’s not a one size fits all type of thing. Those pills do have side effects and risks. She also needs to be aware of any danger signs that arise while she is taking them. </p>
<p>I agree with romani. If you are really concerned, if you really think your daughter is too “simple” or naive, then the implant may be a better method of birth control, as long as she can tolerate any side-effects. </p>
<p>I suspect that even if she is personally “backward” when it comes to relationships, she may still know quite a lot about sex in general. Just living in a dorm for several years leads to sex education by osmosis…really, it’s just in the air.</p>
<p>To answer your original question: yes, there was a time when I did pay for my D’s birth control.</p>
<p>Your daughter would have to be given careful instruction about how to take the pills. They need to be taken properly in order to be most effective. And even so, you and her must realize that they do carry a failure rate. </p>
<p>But even more important, you both must realize that they will not protect her from any STDs. The rist of getting an STD is higher than the risk of pregnancy since an STD can be transferred at any sexual encounter (intercourse is not required) when there is any genital contact. Preganacy can only happen when the young lady is fertile. </p>
<p>Lastly, it would be good for her to understand the emotional ramifications of begining a sexual relationship. </p>
<p>
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<p>Yes. </p>
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<p>What do you see wrong? </p>
<p>Hmm…when I originally replied to this post I assumed OP had a teenage daughter in high school and had no idea what guidance to give on pill type. (For the record, not all doctors are as helpful as one would hope. My first doctor was utterly useless in suggesting a type for me, so I thought providing a few names would be useful for the OP and daughter to research side effects before deciding. I also had two doctors who tried pushing newer pills that “all the girls loved.” Ugh. Finding a doctor your daughter is comfortable with is important!) </p>
<p>I’m surprised with where this conversation has gone after more information was revealed. If your daughter is 20 and still hasn’t had “the talk” or much formal sex education, then you are playing catch up with too little too late. Yes, she has probably learned quite a lot in high school and college that you don’t know about, and not everything she learned will be accurate. She needs to go to the doctor on her own and discuss her options there. The implant can have side effects and complications just like anything else and might not be the best quick fix for her situation. She needs to discuss her health with a professional before a decision can be made.</p>
<p>If this post is legitimate, I think the situation sounds strange with the boy. Aside from birth control, I think you also need to talk to your daughter about how to say “no,” and what resources are available for sexual assault if it were to happen. I would not meet with the boy. He can always lie to you and be someone else entirely when alone with your daughter. You can’t control other people, but you can provide as much accurate information as you can so your daughter can make informed decisions. </p>
<p>At some point when my girls were in college, they came to me to ask me to set up an appt for them with an ob gyn. They were examined by a doctor first then appropriate BC pills were prescribed. My older daughter has migraines, so the doctor had to be careful on what kind of BC to give and she was monitored very closely in the beginning. I don’t know when they became sexually active, but I assume it was sometime after they’ve had their initial visit. Yes, I have picked up their prescriptions sometimes when they were busy.</p>
<p>I think OP is concerned that her daughter may be randomly sleeping with boys. I would be concerned too if it were my daughter. I would have a discussion with her about safe sex and also ask her how she is handling with having sex with boys she is not in a relationship with (assuming she is). </p>
<p>I am sure she was asked to sleep over on the boy’s birthday. I accidently saw the texts on her phone. There are some confusing messages on texts, I am not even sure what exactly the boy was suggesting. I am really concerned. I will drive to her school again 7-8 hours this weekend.</p>
<p>There was another incident that she did not say no and went to a wrong cult (not a church). I was able to save her via asking a 3rd party to show her the evidences.</p>
<p>This time, I know I can try to bring a conversation, not to accuse her. It will be hard.</p>
<p>I keep feeling the boy know my D is naive and simple, so taking advantages… what do you think about the boy is asking a girl to sleep over as a birthday present. I worry if he touched her inappropriately, if any photos taken…
After that, I know he was sending a few texts like “come and sleep”, “come and nap”, “no morning cuddling?”…
Am I really over-reacted or it is nature for me as a parent to take some actions? (even though she is 20)</p>