<p>I would give them the summer after graduation rent free. Then if they chose to live at home I would charge them and put it into an account for their later use. I would not tell them that though. After that first summer I think I would also let them absorb the cost of their cell phone, car insurance and gas $. Entertainment allowance would cease as well. </p>
<p>I can remember being slow to want that first full time job myself. I lived at my parent’s beach house for the whole first year after graduating from college. They finally gave me the “heave ho” and I had no choice but to get a full time job. It’s hard to take the plunge into the working world after college. I worked for 2 years and then went back to grad school. I loved being a student!</p>
<p>S1 is already paying for his own gas and entertainment. S2 will be paying for his own gas as soon as his lifeguard pay checks kick in in a couple of weeks.</p>
<p>One of my daughters lived with us for about six months during her final clinical rotations and waiting for her permanent job to start. She paid the cable bill and a couple of other household bills while she was here out of her grant money.</p>
<p>Now she lives on a private lake in the Adirondack mountains and we view her house as our vacation home… we don’t pay rent, but I do bring some groceries when we go up there every couple of months.</p>
<p>My ex-husband lived at home until we got married. He went to a local state school and commuted, going to school part time and working to pay for college. He graduated, got a good job and continued to live at home. He was waited on hand and foot, paid not a dime to the household expenses ever. He could buy what he wanted and he did save a lot of money and was putting a lot into retirement, but he never really had to budget because he had no real expenses on an adult professional income. </p>
<p>We buy a house and get married and have a baby in the first year of marriage. I worked every other weekend back then and the first weekend I worked after we got married, he called me to find out how to use the washing machine and dryer. He only knew how to make toast, a fried egg, and coffee. He continued to spend as if there were no bills and wanted to save the same amount he used to save. Um, mortgage? Baby? Day Care? No way. It couldn’t happen. So then he just charged stuff, or he spent all the cash so I ended up charging groceries, formula an diapers because the checking account was empty and so were the cupboards. It was awful and we ended up divorced because I could not deal with his attitudes. </p>
<p>THAT is why my kids are going away to college, no matter what I have to do to make it happen, and they will pay rent if they choose to return home after they are working professionals. There are skills they need to learn, before they get married. </p>
<p>My brother lived at home while commuting to college as a full-time student. He continued to live at home for three years after he graduated until his future wife, who was commuting to the same school, graduated. My father never charged my brother rent, even though he was a single parent with two little girls (my sister and me) still living at home. He believed my brother needed to save his earnings so he could afford his own home when he got married. He and my sister-in-law have been married for nearly 40 years. </p>
<p>For some families, the offer to live at home is really the only “legacy” a parent can offer a child–and it’s meant as an act of generosity and goodwill and possibly in lieu of a future wedding or inheritance. My father also paid for my brother’s college education, and my brother was the de facto baby sitter and chauffeur when he was home. It wasn’t all take–there was some give there too. </p>
<p>I have friends whose parents parents paid for their educations, bought them their first cars and homes, and paid for lavish weddings. Most of them are in a far stronger financial situation than any of my siblings or I are today because these friends never had to incur any debt to pay for school or anything else. They started out much stronger financially than I did. But that’s life. </p>
<p>Having wealthy parents can keep one from forging his own timely path in life–I’ve seen that plenty of times–or it can be a tremendous launching pad. Some kids appreciate that good fortune (or “privilege” if you will), others take it for granted and look down their noses at shlubs who work lousy jobs to pay for their schooling, (See the current thread “How much allowance per month should I ask for?” in the Parents forum!)</p>
<p>I was fortunate to get a job after I graduated from college and shared a modest rental house with two other young women. It was very expensive, given my income, and I probably would have been better off financially living with my mother and paying her modest rent. I’m not sure living with roommates in a rental prepared me any better for marriage than sharing a small apartment with my mom would have. I’m quite certain if my dad had been alive he would not have charged me anything. And I sincerely doubt I’d be any less responsible today as a result. </p>
<p>Again, I think these decisions are situational and very personal–a lot like college decisions!</p>
<p>Here’s what I think: you should WANT to pay rent to your parents if you are living at home. This will strengthen your hand when you have disputes about how they want to treat you like they did while you were in high school (for example, controlling when you come and go, whether you can have guests, etc.). You can point out that you are an adult who is paying rent, and that you should be treated like an adult.</p>
<p>Our 19-year-old has been taking a gap “year” that looks like it will be extended indefinitely. We told him we will pay for his room and board IF he is attending college. Otherwise, he has to pay us rent or work a few hours a day for us. The arrangement isn’t working that great - he seems to feel that if he has other plans during the day, he doesn’t owe us any time. He has a summer camp job in Wisconsin, fortunately. I don’t know what will happen in the fall. I don’t think it’s healthy for him to live here.</p>
<p>Our ill 21-year-old son pays us rent, because he is on Social Security disability - if he doesn’t pay rent, he gets reduced benefits. For now, his monthly check is enough to cover tuition and fees at our local university. I don’t know if he will be able to work or not once he graduates. I hope so!! I have the feeling we will be supporting him for quite awhile.</p>
<p>When I graduated 30 years ago, I got a great job with a Fortune 500 company that involved 80%+ travel. It would have been silly for me to rent an apartment since I would rarely be there. My parents didn’t charge me rent, but asked for some money for food. They wanted me to save my money and pay down my student loans and make my car payment (and insurance). The new car loan and student loan were both paid within 3 years at which time I bought a house and got married. If I hadn’t been a road warrior, I wouldn’t have stayed at home that long, but since I really wasn’t there much, it was a good situation. </p>
<p>My DS just graduated last weekend. He will be going for a one-year masters to qualify him to sit for the CPA. He will be interning with a Big 4 firm this summer, then hopefully working for them full time next fall, after taking the examination. We are not asking for rent, but he will be picking up most of his incidentals once his intern pay starts. We are actually encouraging him to stay at home for a year or so, until he finds out how much travel he will have once he is full time - it may or may not be extensive. </p>
<p>This seems kind of odd to me unless they were planning on renting out whatever space you’re using or selling the house and are thus forgoing income or increasing expenses because of your use of the space. I’ve heard of plenty of friends’ parents that do that, but it seems like an unnecessarily mean thing to do to your kids. </p>
<p>Where can a person rent a place to live for $200 a month that includes all food, utilities, use of a car, private room and bath, free laundry facilities, meals cooked on a regular basis…and a guarantee full refund (which is our surprise) when they move out?</p>
<p>We don’t ask our kid to contribute anything towards household expenses in addition to the $200 a month. So…she doesn’t have to buy groceries, internet access, cable TV, heat, hot water, or anything else associated with living expenses. </p>
<p>Oh…and we included her on our lake club membership the last two years.</p>
<p>She even agrees, $200 a month is a bargain, and there is NO place around here that could match the value.</p>
<p>No, kid#1 is really independent, hasn’t live at home until we bought a new home and she was waiting for a couple to move out of her town home, the one she was going to rent. That couple was buying a house and experiencing delays and delays, so I suggested that she moved home when the lease of her first apartment expired. We originally thought it was for a month or two, but it turned into 5 months. The money she saved from paying rent went into her savings for emergency.
But what I was expecting is a home cooked meal every evening because of rent free but that didn’t happen. She was so busy with her job that she mooched off food from us instead. But I was glad to have her company because she loves leftover food and I can count on her to eat them. It’s not the same with kid #2, she rarely eats leftover.</p>
<p>This is clearly a situational type of question. In my case my parents didn’t give me much from the time I was 16 and started working, BUT, I always knew I had a place to live. </p>
<p>With regards to my own children, so far we have not charged any rent, and have welcomed both older sons back home, along with their girlfriends (one is now a wife and I’m pretty certain the other will be too). One stayed 9 months, the other not more than 4 months. We were happy to do it for them while they figured out their “next move”. We would never have done so it this were in some way enabling bad behavior.</p>
<p>However, I don’t know what the future will bring. We are in the process of downsizing, and we have twins daughters just starting college. We may not have room for them after they graduate. </p>
<p>S2 lived with us for a year after college graduation. We didn’t charge him rent. His job requires a lot of travel. He is often on the road for weeks at the time. He paid for all his food, cell phone,health insurance, car insurance/gas/maintenance Financially he was ready to move out earlier but really needed roommates due to him being on the road so often.</p>
<p>@MaineLonghorn — You might have already done this, but research “supported employment” for young people with mental illness. Very, very successful. NAMI has info on it. </p>
<p>Nope. Will not charge rent during gap year or if she winds up at home during college or after college. Unless…we old folks are relatively destitute and need her financial support for the household. But she’s a great kid and hard worker and I’d expect her to help with home life. My (strong) druthers would be that she lives independently outside our home, even starting with gap year. However, circumstances might not support that. </p>
<p>I lived with my parents a few months post-graduation. They didn’t formally ask me for rent but whenever they asked for money, I would provide it. I also did the bulk of the grocery shopping.</p>
<p>During the winter break, DS had some free time and decided to take a close look at the amount of student loans he had accumulated.</p>
<p>He made a comment that seems very naive to me: “After I graduate and have a job, and if I comtinue to live at home, I could pay it all off very quickly.”</p>
<p>Firstly, he forgot about all the taxes or insurance premiums he needs to pay. Secondly, he forgot that he needs to spend some living expenses. (I do not believe he would continue to ask us to provide for him.) Thirdly, it is highly unlikely that his future SO (we do not know whether he has a potential candidate for SO or are “working” on one now) will allow him to continue to live with us even if we do not mind. No woman will love a “momma’s boy”.</p>
<p>Oldest didn’t return to the area after college, younger is just starting college this fall so it’s just theoretical here…
If either child is working full time and chooses to live in our house we will charge rent. Not market rent, but yes she/he will be paying an agreed upon amount. Of course if he/she is job seeking,/only able to find-part time/ in grad school we will not expect rent payment. And I totally agree with a “grace period” for a few months.</p>
<p>As for chores, H and I both work full time and we still have to do things like laundry, cooking, yard work, pet care, errands, some cleaning, etc. We will certainly expect another able bodied adult living in the house to pitch in.</p>
<p>I had a colleague whose parents charged him rent after college. He was fine with paying some rent, it wasn’t much. Then he found out his rent was more than their mortgage…</p>
<p>This was back in the 1980’s and the parents had bought the house in the mid 1960’s.</p>
<p>Living at home doesn’t make a guy a “momma’s boy” necessarily. And many of my neighbors apparently didn’t get the memo because plenty of their sons live at home until they marry.</p>