What does post 59 have to do with what you wear while having a Skype or FaceTime conversation? Nothing!
“Our family does not hold much “power” over his choice of SO. I do not know about her family. This is what I think I know (which could be incorrect thought)”
What culture is the GF, and what culture are you?
Anyway, whatever “power” her family holds over her choice of significant other isn’t anything you can do anything about.
Mcat, from what you’re describing, it sounds like parents, then, are often a bigger part of the picture in the GF’s family’s country of origin, in both the short and long run. And also like there’s a difference in social mobility there. You’re pondering these things. We all ponder. You’ve been in close proximity lately so you’re taking it all in right now. 
"If what I have learned from my colleagues in the past several years is true, its culture is really quite different from ours. "
It doesn’t matter what their country’s overall culture is. It matters what THAT SPECIFIC FAMILY’s overall culture is, which may or may not be the same. You don’t know. They may be extremely traditional, they may be extremely liberal, they may say one thing but when push comes to shove they do something different.
Or the daughter could reject their customs / traditions entirely and run her life how she wants and say - this is the boy I love, we’re doing things our way, if you don’t like it, that’s too bad.
You keep trying to put people in buckets based on their ethnicity / culture without learning about who these specific people are.
Moreover, it doesn’t MATTER at this point what any of this is, until your son and this girl get to a point of deciding that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. For all you know, they could break up tomorrow and all your worrying is pointless.
I asked questions specifically about the culture of the two countries, PG. The answer was in response to that.
Hi thumper1, The post 59 was my attempt to answer the question in post 55 raised by Deborah T. Apparently, I have not been successful.
My wife actually pointed out to me that, more often than not, when I tried to talk about one thing, I often started to talk about several other things that I believe are related and then “forgot” to get back to the original. Sign of aging?
BTW, even though the parents of DS’s GF may not be very westernized (my guess only), I think she is. The education she has received was exclusively taught in English, even in the short few years when she received her education in her home country. I actually heard all students at her school (the one in her home country) are prohibited from using any language other than English. That school may not take a “true” native who were not growing up in western countries (e.g., mostly for children of expat? She had been living, for most of her years prior to attending that school, in a country where English is the official language.)
I was mistaken: Her mother does speak English to some degree. Just her father has more difficulty in speaking English.
I’m curious to about what her home country is, too. It may help us – specifically those of us with familiarity with the culture – to answer some of your questions. People are all different but different countries have certain different customs that are relatively consistent across broad swaths of the population. Like, in Japan it is respectful to hand and accept business cards with two hands and for gifts to be nicely wrapped and in Italy it is considered impolite to pour wine underhanded. Who knows, there may be cultural customs from her home country that could inform the answers here (eg, “In XYZ, appearing in pajamas on Skype is the equivalent of appearing in underpants.” Who knows?)
PG, Without being too specific, both our families and her families came from one of the four so-called little-dragon countries (if some of you know what they are); we came from one of them and they came from another. Maybe a difference is that our whole family immigrated here but only a (major) part of her family immigrated here - I think the main bread-winner stays behind because of various reasons unknown to us. (Some people may not be able to imagine to what extent people there are willing to go to in order to further the future prospect (including education) of their children, including possibly long term separation between two parents without the hope of reunion till their children enter college. (I personally do not agree with such an extreme “sacrifice” - as it could be not good for children’s upbringing.)
PG, I think that it could happen that D or S rebels against her/his parents to pursue her/his independence and self-fulfillment but, believe me, it happens not frequently in that kind of society - it could happen more frequently in the future when the western values are more accepted and appreciated there, but it is likely not now. I came from a somewhat related but not the same culture and I think I possibly know more (but sometimes I may not be able to articulate it well) about it than a person who has not had a chance to live through it (including the in-law issue which inflicted my own kernel family for almost 30 years, say, when I was 25-55 yo.)
“I asked questions specifically about the culture of the two countries, PG. The answer was in response to that.”
I think you might have wanted to direct this to thumper1 (post 60), not me - she was the one who asked what the culture has to do with what to wear during a Skype conversation. No worries, though
No one in our house wears sweats , but we are all casual almost all of the time. I so look forward to putting on pajamas and dread getting out of them…they are an indulgence of mine , but only wear a robe over them when it is very cold. My husband bought me me two nice pairs this season and I love them. We generally do not take photos of ourselves in our most comfortable clothing though
Thanks for clarifying mcat. But to answer the question that is the subject of your thread…
YES, we dress more casually at home.
H does change out of the work clothes into informal clothes. I do not usually change because my work clothes are less formal.
People dress pretty casually out and about these days, too. I know I saw a few pajama pants in the grocery store this afternoon. And, many pairs of yoga pants which are the same thing. And, how much of you shows on Skype? I don’t get this problem at all.
Nothing really shows on Skype or Facetime, really, other than head / neck / shoulders, unless you specifically want it to.
Thanks to the CCers who have given me the inputs/advices.
I think I may just try to find a channel to vent more than anything else. Even the “less paranoid” parent, my wife, said recently that it would a a pity if their relationship turns out to be unsuccessful in the end - considering how well they get along with each other right now - they has chatted with each other every single day since DS was back for this holiday. They chatted earlier today and her mother dropped in to say hi to him as well and it seems DS joked with her mother a little bit about something (likely about the fact that he dressed more formally and talked to her while sitting straight up in a “more respectful” manner today, I think. He cares how her mother perceives him so he dressed up today. Strangely, fathers on both sides are not “in the picture”. Being “too shy” or “fathers just do not carry as much weight”?)
Really happy to hear about your son’s deepening relationship with his girlfriend. Best wishes for continued happiness in 2015!
@nottelling, Thanks. We actually do not have a more solid “feeling” about their progress until this holiday break when he came back home. We wish them well also but it is ultimately up to them to work on it.
Yes, it is tough gauging “closeness” and relationships of young people. They can change over time and it is a rather “fluid” process. Try not to over-think and let things evolve as they are intended to do. Also, please don’t worry about wedding expenses. People can have very minimal expenses if they choose to and it really is way too early to burden yourself or anyone else with these concerns. The couple is still very early in their relationship from all you have posted about it.
Thanks, HImom.
What you said makes sense. It actually somewhat surprises us that they appear to be so “close”, considering how long they have been dating. This is partly because we have no reference point. (He has not been dating like this as far as we know.) You are right: in the big picture, they are still very early in their relationship. We are on the sideline and it is too early for us to be overly concerned about it. There is some chance that in half a year, their relationship could become a LDR - if this is the case, it will be a real challenge that both of them have to face. An alternative is both of them choose to “stay put”, for at least the first intern year. (Their school usually will allow their students to stay - the students have already been very familiar with the “system” in place and it is easier to continue to train them so why not just take them?! This is sometimes called “inbred”.) But this may imply that DS will stay put for all years but it is not necessarily so for her to stay put for all years. (The difference in the types of their programs will be “category” vs “preliminary + advanced” as we are told.) No matter what, if they stay together, there will most likely be some years in the future their relationship will be LDR - It is not “if”; it is “when”, i.e., when their LDR will start and for how long.
Thanks again.
IF their relationships persists over time, as you say, it COULD become a long distance one for at least some period of time. This is not uncommon these days and with Skype, cell phones, fairly low priced airfares, and other ways of staying in touch, many folks are able to successfully have such relationships. It is still WAY too EARLY to think of these issues. Please relax and live your life and try to further your relationship with your wife and let your S develop his relationships, education and career with less worrying and hovering. It is really early days and anything can happen. Give things time and relax!