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Thank you. Life deals you a hand and then you deal with the consequences.
Us too, except not “many” millions.
It is extremely important to me that I leave significant money to my kids. I was brought up with that mindset – that you leave something for the next generation to make their lives more comfortable. My parents were able to do that for me and my sister, and the money they left me wound up paying for my two children’s undergrad degrees. Obviously that made a significant impact on my and DH’s ability to have a comfortable retirement and it reduced stress during our working years in knowing that college was taken care of. For that reason DH and I live relatively modestly even though we have assets.
@overtheedge: You probably want to make sure that what you leave your H does go to your children after he’s gone. You might not want, for example, your H, if he remarries, to be able to leave everything to the new wife and her children. YOu also might not want him to buy Ferraris and take elaborate vacations while he’s alive. A good estate lawyer will help you set up a trust so that your husband can use the money while he’s alive but upon your H’s death, the assets go to your kids.
My sympathies, Tony K.
Please be careful. Ideally does not always happen. Your H could decide to remarry and leave everything to his second spouse - and your own kids would get nothing of yours. We know people who have had this happen.
“I’m going to say something really, really daring: we don’t have a will. No one in our family since we’re adults who’ve died have had one; it didn’t seem to make any difference. By law, the kids will get 50/50”
We finally got a new will done a couple of years ago. My youngest asked me why we were redoing our will, and I told him because the last one we had was done 23 years ago, before you were born…and leaves everything to your brother. End of questions!
I listen to an elder care lawyer on the radio, and we use their services. I have heard him say that in my state, it’s not really a big deal if someone doesn’t have a will, and has to go through probate (as long as they wanted their assets to go by law). Also, it doesn’t even matter what the will says, it’s who is listed as the beneficiary on the account. My parents don’t have a will, and I’ve been uncomfortable to press them on that, even though they have substantial assets.
"Us too, except not “many” millions.
It is extremely important to me that I leave significant money to my kids. I was brought up with that mindset – that you leave something for the next generation to make their lives more comfortable. My parents were able to do that for me and my sister, and the money they left me wound up paying for my two children’s undergrad degrees. Obviously that made a significant impact on my and DH’s ability to have a comfortable retirement and it reduced stress during our working years in knowing that college was taken care of. For that reason DH and I live relatively modestly even though we have assets"
It is surprising how it can add up, though. Even if you don’t have a huge amount of money to leave them now, if you don’t draw down on it much, and it stays invested at a decent return, decades from now it could be far more than you think. At least, that’s a possibility!
I would really like to leave a lot of money for my kids, I don’t know why. Maybe just the hope that it could help them throughout their lives, make me feel better that they would not have to worry about money. Just…it’s unfortunate that we have to die for that to happen.
We have a large, complicated estate. It would be beyond irresponsible for us to not have a will! We have set up trust funds in order to protect our daughters’ assets in the event of a divorce. We’ve even specifically addressed the possibility of DH or I remarrying and adopting new spouse’s children. Our daughters’ assets would be protected from that event as well. That would not be possible without a will. We have specified bequests to each of our siblings, and to our nephew. We plan to add an amendment for a couple of charitable bequests soon.
We’ve structured the trust funds such that the girls would not get a huge chunk of money all at once (if we died while they are still relatively young). A trustee would be involved, and they could only get disbursements at intervals we have pre-determined. They would gradually assume control of the trusts, and eventually will take their trusts over completely.
We did extensive estate planning last fall in order to protect our daughters’ interests in our estate, and to make it less complicated for the girls to figure out. The last thing we have to accomplish is the whole burial/cremation thing. This thread is a helpful reminder to take care of that as well.
If there is anything left…it will be divided equally amongst our two kids.
TonyK, My condolences on the loss of your wife.
S, only child, will get everything.
DH is an estate planning attorney and we just updated ours. our boys are still young, but the oldest treats money like water. It scares me he having an inheritance if we die suddenly. YOungest son is more responsible, but we worry about his ability to support himself well later on. So…this is what we did. Remember…you should think of your will in 5 year increments. What if something happened NOW, not necessarily 20 years from now. It should be kept current with the changes in your life and children’s.
Saying that, the money left from our retirement funds, life insurance, etc. goes into a family trust…managed by a bank. Our will states they are to be lenient and a bunch of our legalese you can add. It’s split evenly and they are to receive all interest from the principal each year. They get 15% of the principal at age 30, 40, 50 and the remaining 55% at age 60.
This accomplishes several things. They will get a nice stream of annual income. Hopefully when they are 30, a little of the bulk might come in handy. By not giving them so much of it early on, you are protecting that asset from a divorce settlement…especially if a devious one knows when they will be receiving it.
If they don’t do well financially in life then they have some at 60 for retirement.
When we first did our wills we thought they would be responsible and make tons of money. We let them have it all at 25, 30 and 35… But not now.
Maybe we will be lucky and things will change, then we can revisit all of this. I hope so.
First I have to inherit what my parents leave. Then I don’t expect that I will use that all so I will leave it to my three kids split evenly. But I don’t expect they will get anything until they are at an age where they don’t need much so they will leave it to their kids, and so on. I’m already past 60, my husband 70. We knew my parents would live long so we took care of ourselves and expect the kids to do so too and they have.
So we will give our kids during our lifetime when I see something I would like them to spend money on. For example, we have started college funds for the kids. My third son is having a baby at the end of this month so we gave him a months salary so he could stay home longer after the baby is born. We pay for family vacations if they will accompany us. None of them are financially unable to take care of themselves, but I would prefer to watch them enjoy the money than leave it to them.
If our business continues to grow as projected, the two kids will stand to inherit a chunk of change. It will be split 50/50. It’s all stipulated in a trust. H and I are gifting $$ as we go and also vesting them in the business itself. My parents did well. Dad would gift generously until dementia set in. Mom always had a different mind set. (I could fill pages on several threads on this topic). My sister and I will see little benefit from our parents’ nest egg until we are into our 60’s. At that point it really will be for the grandkids.
H and I wish to do things differently for our children, making their lives easier during the early stages of adulthood.
A business partner and friend is the executor at this point. They will be able to assist the kids if something happened and they needed to take over the operations.
On H’s side…there are 7 kids and not much of anything other than a highly appreciated home. If MIL needs assisted living or other costly support in the next few years there will be little left for distribution.
Generally speaking, it is better to have a will than not have one. Depending on the assets and how they are titled, it may not be necessary for a will in some jurisdictions. But I don’t think there are many (if any) instances in which it is a bad idea to have a will.
In general I am not in favor of restrictions. Often these are more about the testator’s desire to control from beyond the grave, than they are about the legitimate needs of a legatee. Of course there are exceptions to this.
In our case, D is an adult. And she gets it all, to do with as she sees fit. I hope that, along with any money that may be left, we have passed on the desire to make good choices. We’ve tried to set a good example.
I hope we have something to leave our kids as that means we did not outlive our money! However, our two girls will split it 50/50. I hope that they have good judgment to use the assets to their benefit. If they do not, I hope they learn from it. I would not put any restrictions on the use of the inheritance with just a few exceptions. If one or both of them had substance abuse issues, gambling issues, or marital issues, I might seek a way to control distributions. So far not needed but they are only teenagers.
We don’t expect there will be anything much from our dads when they pass – low five figures would be a surprise. Most of what we have is in retirement plans and home equity. There would be more if we still have our term policies active when we pass. The more I read these retirement threads, the more discouraged I am, even though we are throwing what used to be our EFC at savings.
Makes me think we should have invested in property long ago.
Our parents didn’t pay for our educations or help in any way financially, so what we have is what we’ve done. I also question not pushing the state school option harder, esp for my kid who didn’t take advantage of his pricey UG school. That was real $$, hard-earned, and I will admit to feeling a bit resentful these days.
Garland, we don’t have wills, either, and DH is an attorney! Drives me nuts that he doesn’t want to deal with this.
As for our kids, they get what’s left.
This thread is a good reminder that wills should be updated as conditions change and kids grow up. In a few more years, we plan to make S1 the trustee as he has proven himself to have remarkable financial acumen and personal integrity. We should probably come up with a scheduled payout plan so not all of the funds are available at once, though, I like the idea of every five years or so if we die while they are still young. Hoping we last until kids are well into middle age, so that never comes to pass.
Anyone else have survivorship insurance to pay estate taxes?
Settling an intestate estate is a bitch. No matter how small the estate and how straightforward the line of inheritance. My son died unexpectedly a year-and-a-half ago at age 27. He had $37 in his checking account, no debts, an insurance policy through work, no possessions of value, no wife, no kids. Just us—his mom, dad, and sister. We are still submitting forms, answering questions, and settling details of his “estate.” Each time we get a call or a letter, I watch my husband’s face turn gray and tears come to his eyes. Believe me when I say, I REFUSE to put my daughter through that when we die. A good lawyer is worth her weight in gold.
I’m sorry about your son, @EllieMom.
I’m so sorry, EllieMom.
TonyK and EllieMom, my sincere sympathies to you!
We need to update our wills. We only have one child so everything will go to her. We are not sure what that “everything” will be right now. We are considering selling our home in the next five years to down size and to take likely about half the proceeds of the sale and pay for our daughter to attend law school. Our primary gift to her will be a completed education without debt. We will see what is left when we check out.
When my SisIL was very ill in CA, I did some research and realized her estate would have to pay over $100K in probate fees that could be totally avoided if she worked with an estate attorney. She chose to work with one and did save that money to pass on to her brothers.
It really can make a huge difference to have an estate plan vs not having one as to whether your wishes are carried out and how big a chunk goes to the state in fees and taxes.