<p>I have been thinking of the friend issue a lot of late. My mom and dad were truly best friends. They had a few couples they did things with, but mostly enjoyed each other. Dad passed away earlier this year and Mom doesn’t have a friend to do things with. Her vision is not good, so she can’t really get out and volunteer or do other things to meet people. She does have one best friend of perhaps 70 years…only they live 3 hours away from each other, so they can’t drive to visit each other.</p>
<p>I think about this because I can see myself ending up the same way. My youngest is a HS senior and we have had a lot of acquaintances in the various school activites. But true friends? Not really.</p>
<p>I will add that I am fortunate that dh and I do consider each other as best friend. I love to be with him. We still talk and talk and talk and laugh a lot together.</p>
<p>My best friend was sort of famous locally and because she seemed so interesting I orchestrated a meeting. We were both busy with kids and other things at the time so we got to know each other very well mostly through email correspondence. (This was ten years ago when people emailed more.) She moved away this summer and I have been expanding my horizons (started some new activities) not so much to replace her but because I have a lot of free time now that she is gone. </p>
<p>My husband, also an engineer, has work buddies and running buddies, but we mostly socialize with my friends and our neighbors. (We live in a great neighborhood.) He enjoys this, but I think, were we to move away and only have each other, we wouldn’t mind too much. Maybe we are both sort of loners.</p>
<p>I have better friends, including a best friend, now than I ever have had in my life prior to my divorce. I think the key is that I am a better friend and most importantly I have learned the value of being vulnerable. Once I stopped thinking that people only wanted to be around, or should be around, when things were good and realized that when I shared my hurts than other people felt free to be hurt and vulnerable also. When you cry in front of someone than it gives them permission to cry in front of you. </p>
<p>Best.</p>