<p>My sister and family have recently dealt with this, and I have learned from it. Her son had a serious girlfriend from the first week of college. She came home with my nephew for Thanksgiving freshman year, and they were obviously a couple and already quite committed. My sister went overboard in “welcoming her to the family” as sister thought the girl would make a great daughter-in-law and was really good for her son (also sister has no D of her own). The girl and guy visited at each other’s homes during vacations (lived on opposite coasts), the girl was with us for following Thanksgivings, parents were all together on parents’ weekend, etc. They were a couple till Jan. of junior year when she broke up with him. It’s been sad for everyone and illustrates that it’s really better not to be so involved with the girlfriend or boyfriend.</p>
<p>I’m happy and frankly surprised to read everyone’s responses. I thought that I had been anti-social in not going out of my way to get to know the BF’s/GF’s parents better. Glad to hear that it’s the norm!</p>
<p>I think this is different in high school than in college if your kid goes to college away from home area. </p>
<p>In high school, I met and saw our D’s BF’s parents many times. For one thing, the kids were in some things together such as the school musical. They ended up being in a production about 50 miles from home and we carpooled too. For two summers, they sent their son to my D’s theater camp in another state and so saw them then too. Also, their son did not drive at the time and so many times they had to pick him up here or vice versa. They actually moved 40 min. away but kept tuitioning son into the public school so he could finish there and so going to each others’ homes happened frequently. Also, during their relationship, my D was severely injured in a crash and I was out of state and my husband could not be reached and the BF’s mom went to the ER untll I could get back in state and husband was reached. My D graduated HS a year early after junior year and chose to break up with BF only because she knew realistically she’d be six hours away (also doesn’t come home in summers) and was starting college life and he was back in HS. They remain friends. Ironically, our D is home for a visit now (a rarity) and tonight, we are seeing a local professional production that is starring former BF (it’s been 5 years since they broke up) and so we’ll see BF’s family again tonight and remain on friendly terms. </p>
<p>However, D has had a few long term (a year or more) BFs in college. She went to college 6 hours away. We have met every BF she has had when we have been there to visit and know them a little bit. But we have never met any parents because they live in still another state. D has met her BFs’ parents when they have been in her city to visit or actually she has also visited her BFs’ families. But in all cases, the two sets of parents have never met. I am fine with that unless someone becomes engaged. We will see D’s current BF this weekend in NYC as both are in a show there that we are seeing. D also visited her BF’s family recently in another state. I have no reason to be in contact with any of these BFs’ families and don’t have a need to formalize anything. I see these as the current relationships and I have never thought beyond that. She is still young (21).</p>
<p>One more thing…the HS BF’s parents, which were the only ones we have known (not the college ones), have been out of touch with us pretty much the past five years since D left home and so our paths have not crossed. I ran into previous BF and his mom recently (he went to college in our state) and now the mom is my FB friend. She just messaged me in fact on FB because we are going to see her son in a show tonight and she will see us, along with our D who is visiting us at home, there. I guess it is like a little reunion of sorts. My D has seen old BF maybe once a year since she rarely comes home. They remain friends. She remains friends with all her prior BFs!</p>
<p>OK, I’ve been on both sides of this.</p>
<p>When D was in middle school and too young to have a boyfriend, she had one anyway. I made it a point to get to know his parents, to make sure we were on the same page about what types of things were inappropriate for the kids at this age. As it turned out, the mom and I had a lot in common and ended up co-chairing a PTA committee together for 3 years. Eventually we had our own friendship, that was well beyond depending on the kids’ relationship, or at least I thought so at the time. After 3 years, the kids broke up, just before starting high school. (All D would say to me was, “It was time.”) The boys’ younger brother cried when he found out, he was so attached to D. The boy was the oldest in his family, and D was our youngest. His mom had previously told me she was going to continue to focus her volunteer time at the middle school, while I was obviously moving on to the hs. As a result, when the kids broke up we didn’t really have any reason to run into each other any more. For a couple of years, it was kind of awkward. </p>
<p>With D’s next BF, I resolved that we would be friendLY, but not friends with the parents. The kids still couldn’t drive, so we would see the parents at drop offs and pick ups. The kids stayed together for over a year, at one point my H suggested inviting the boy’s family over for dinner but I said, “NO. We’re not making that mistake again.” As it turned out, the breakup this time was a lot uglier than D’s first break up, but when I see the boy’s parents they couldn’t be nicer. (It helps that they LOVED D, and I think they’d like to see them get back together.)</p>
<p>Now the 3rd boyfriend. It will be 2 years this fall, but both kids are heading off to different colleges. The kids could both drive when they started dating, and he lives in a different town, so we’ve only met his parents 4 times - when taking pictures for proms, and at grad parties. They are nice and we’ve had some nice chats. But we have no reason to run into them, and with the uncertainty with the kids heading off to school I see no reason to push it. There have been times I’ve thought that it would be nice for our families to do some things together, rather than the kids always having to decide who to spend their dwindling time at home with, but I’ve always thought better of it. </p>
<p>I think being friend-LY, but not friends, is the best approach. It’s good to know the other parents well enough to feel comfortable to talk to them, and to be confident that their home is a safe environment for your child to spend time in, but until there’s an engagement I think that’s enough.</p>
<p>
I concur with that.</p>
<p>D, my older child, did not date much until she was older and out of the house. Her boyfriends all came from other states (and in some cases, other countries) so while she met some parents when they were in her town or she was invited to visit them at their home, we never met the parents (just the guys).</p>
<p>S, on the other hand, has been dating his GF since junior year of high school. Now they are rising college juniors at separate colleges. It was a big high school that drew from two middle schools and the kids were from different ends of our district so we did not know the parents until after they were dating. But we spent time together at dropoffs before they were driving, prom picture time, various school events, etc. It happens we also occasionally attend the same (again, very large) church, but never knew them until the kids introduced us. </p>
<p>We invited each other to our kids’ high school graduation parties and have also had GF’s parents over for a drop-in around Christmas time (casual – just for the dating couple to exchange their gifts and for the adults to have some dessert). I think son has been invited to come by GF’s house after Thanksgiving dinner for dessert at their house. Since we have family at our house for Thanksgiving we only allow him to go after our invited family has left.</p>
<p>We really like S’s GF’s parents but want to be careful not to assume that we will eventually become in-laws.** If **that happens, we can advance the relationship at that point. If it doesn’t happen, it is better we not set any pattern from which we would have to awkwardly retreat.</p>
<p>GF is at our house a lot during school vacations and I always ask her to say “Hi” to her parents for us. That’s about it for now.</p>
<p>Since D goes to school 1200 miles away, I doubt I would meet parents of any BF unless down there for something special.</p>
<p>Son told us at the age of 16, that when he finished UG he was moving to Spain. We said “yeah, right”. He did. He has been dating a wonderful young lady for 4 years, and 2 weeks ago he popped the question, and she said "S</p>
<p>Unless there’s an engagement, I don’t think I would seek out to meet BF/GF’s parents.</p>
<p>Unless there’s an engagement, I don’t think I want to meet the BF. (LOL-kind of.)</p>
<p>My daughter met a great guy during her freshman year of college. They dated for a year and a half and were talking about the future. Then they broke up. He was like one of the family, so it was hard for all of us. I don’t think I want to get to know the next guy that well, let alone have a relationship with his parents.</p>
<p>We are friends with the parents of our son’s GF. They belong to our parish, so we already knew them before our kids started dating. Our kids have been dating for 2 years. They are a wonderful family and my son would be blessed to have them as in-laws, and we would be blessed to have her as a DIL.</p>
<p>Tomorrow, I’m taking the mom for her cancer treatment.</p>
<p>…so the fact that I’m in love with my dd boyfriend’s puppy could be a problem? Our dogs are in love with her as well. When I don’t see the puppy for a few days I have puppy withdrawal…the dogs? They keep running to the door hoping its her.</p>
<p>gotta watch out for that puppy love.</p>