Do you have a relationship with the parents of your child's GF/BF?

<p>Son has been dating his GF for over two years. D has been dating her BF for about 8 months. I have met each set of parents a couple of times but don't really know them. It feels kind of weird that my kids spend so much time with other parents that I don't know.</p>

<p>Do you have an actual *relationship *with the parents of your child's significant other? Do you think it is important?</p>

<p>No, I did not have a relationship with any of my daughter's bfs' parents but I do think it is important....my older daughter's boyfriend's father wasn't thrilled with their relationship (we are Jewish; they are not) so that wasn't happening...</p>

<p>my younger daughter's "relationships" have been shorter lived; not happening....</p>

<p>funny story though: my mother is 84 yrs old; her current closest friend is my HS boyfriend's mom....and, no, they were not good friends when we were dating.......</p>

<p>Son has been dating his gf for 4.5 months. We mingled together at graduation events. But since we all appear to assume they couldn't get "that" serious before heading off to college, neither parents have made much attempt at bonding.</p>

<p>Thinking back over all the BFs in the past 10 years, there were HS kids whose family'e we knew better than acquaintance level, but not true friends.</p>

<p>There was one BF in a new town whose family was a kick and years after the two kids went their separate ways, we are still good friends with the family.</p>

<p>No...D1 has dated several boys over the years and we were friendly, said hello and visited when we saw them but that was it. D2 has dated the same young man for over 18 months and we are polite, friendly but don't socialize or do dinners or things like that.</p>

<p>D1 is now engaged and while we have a great relationship with the fiance we barely know the parents. We have met a handful of times but never for great lengths... soccer games, dinner with kids, graduation and grad party. They are very nice but live OOS. Still get the impression that we would not be great friends but would be friendly. Ha...let's see how I feel after the wedding planning and actual wedding! ;)</p>

<p>Well, I haven't met any of my kids' GF/BFparents - but I think it's more a question of geography.
A friend of mine has a S who, while a freshman at college, started dating a young woman. A female friend of his from HS texted him frequently. Mom of new GF then called up my friend and asked what she was going to do about it!<br>
New GF's mom and dad have visited - uninvited - for a few days at a time over the summer- ie "Can we come? H has busines in next town.", etc. My friend will come home from work and find new GF's parents on the deck enjoying wine and cheese - no plans for dinner in sight!!
It is completely over the top - I don't know how she stands it.
So to answer your question, it is a relationship but an abusive one.</p>

<p>D had a BF for about 4ish years. We knew his parents well enough that if his mom was dropping him off at our house she would come in to say hello, we would exchange a plate of cookies at Christmas, they felt comfortable enough to call my husband with a question of which he had expertise - that kind of thing. They LOVED my D! I knew them well enough to feel comfortable when she was at their house, on a day trip with them, etc.</p>

<p>S currently has had a GF for about 6 months. Her family is more quiet, but they came to S's grad party and have obviously embraced S. I ran into the mom in the store the other day and we had a nice conversation.</p>

<p>I have met some of the parents of the guys D1 dated in the past and some I have not. She currently does not have a bf so not an issue right now.</p>

<p>D2 has her first bf and we have not yet met his parents, but they have only been "going out" a couple of weeks. If the relationship continues I told D2 that we would at least like to be introduced to the parents.</p>

<p>I have a good friend who's S has his first gf and she has become best friends with gf's mom. I don't know how this will turn out once her S goes away to school next week and gf is still in town as she is a senior in high school.</p>

<p>D's very first date was a "one and done" but his mom and I have a lot in common so we still see each other on occasion, even though I don't think our kids have spoken in three years.</p>

<p>I <em>may</em> be meeting the mother this weekend, as we are driving to her home to pick up some furniture she has graciously given to my son for his new apartment. He has been dating this girl for almost two years (21 months to be exact), so I think it's about time. We only live 4 1/2 hours apart.</p>

<p>With D1 going to school all the way across the country from us I assume I will not even meet any bf's unless we happen to be there visiting and she has one at the time.</p>

<p>I have only spoken with my D's bf's father on the phone when I called to confirm he would be present when my D and her bf planned to cook dinner and watch a movie at his house. But no relationship.</p>

<p>I was exchanging messages on FB with a friend of mine when S looked over my shoulder. "I can't believe my mother is friends with the mother of the hottest girl at xxx h. s!" He has since asked the girl out several times but girl is not interested in taking relationship any further due to his leaving for college that is 5 hours away. Even the limited relationship has been a bit awkward because of the imbalance of interest. I have to be careful what I say to friend, S is careful about what he says to me (that would happen even if I didn't know the girl and mother), etc. I think the girl is probably handling things pretty well; she is keeping things very casual but still hangs out with S's friends. S has never really had a girlfriend and with him going to school so far away, I doubt that I will even meet any girls let alone the parents.</p>

<p>If it's a serious/long-term relationship, I assume we will meet that parents at some point in time. But when it's been a matter of months ... I do not my kids to feel that we have a stake or an investment in the relationship. My mantra has always been: "If you like him/her, we like him/her. However, if you decide this is not the person for you, we are fine with that, too." We have seen too many instances of it being hard for a kid to break off a relationship he/she no longer wants, with the reason being that the kid's parents LOVE the BF/GF, or both sets of parents are so happy about the relationship.</p>

<p>Establishing a "relationship" with the BF or GF's parents seems to make a relationship more official and permanent than it might otherwise be. </p>

<p>If, of course, our kid wants us to meet a BF or GF's parents, we are fine with that. We just don't initiate a meeting/relationship on our own.</p>

<p>Exactly what whatever4 said!!</p>

<p>S1 had the same GF for three years in h.s. Her family attended our church. In fact S1 and the GF were in the same kindergarten class and various other classes thoughout sch.
S1 practically lived at their house. He went on lots of trips with the GF and her parents. The GF didn't spend nearly as much time at our home. </p>

<p>We were always polite and friendly to the GF's parents. We saw them in church every Sunday and almost always talked for a few minutes. Evenso, we were never overly friendly. We never visited in each other's homes (except to take pictures on prom night) or went out to dinner or anything...just polite conversation when we ran into them.</p>

<p>However...when the big break-up happened in senior yr., DH and I both noticed a definite coldness when we spoke to them at church. All that happened five years ago. We still feel a little coolness when we see them esp. from the Dad.<br>
S1 was very private about the whole break-up so we never knew who instigated it.</p>

<p>We had met my daughters boyfriends family but we never initiated any type of relationship. I would sooner wait to get to know parents when I know an engagement is coming. I have never met any of my sons GFs families since most of their girlfriends have been from college and that just would not make sense unless we all happened to be visiting on the same weekend....that has not happened and the odds are that it probably won't.</p>

<p>
[quote]
However...when the big break-up happened in senior yr., DH and I both noticed a definite coldness when we spoke to them at church. All that happened five years ago. We still feel a little coolness when we see them esp. from the Dad.
S1 was very private about the whole break-up so we never knew who instigated it.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>My first thought was, "how silly of them to get so involved" but of course, if some guy at church broke my D's heart, I would probably be a bit cold, too. It was good of your Son to be private about who instigated it....I'd hate knowing about my D being dumped, but I'd also feel bad if I knew that D had dumped someone.</p>

<p>There is a guy at church who, for a while, was obsessed with my D. She was nice to him because she's nice to everyone, but wouldn't consider ever ever going out with him. I see his parents and am friendly, but I always hope that they don't know about the countless texts, facebook messages, etc.</p>

<p>It seems kind of silly for there to be coldness toward the parents when it's the kids relationship. I hope, if someone breaks up with one of my kids, I wouldn't hold the parents responsible. I hope I wouldn't even hold the kid responsible. Kids are entitled to break off a relationship if it isn't working for them. Now if they treat my kids poorly, then I'll be miffed- but not just for ending something.</p>

<p>My daughter had a boyfriend on the east coast for over a year. While he visited and spent time at our house, I never met his parents, who live in a different state from either us or the kids. </p>

<pre><code>My son has been going with a girl for over four years. The girl's mom and I were friends before the relationship, and we're better friends now. Yes, if they ever break up, we'll both be crying on each other's shoulders! I think we'll both be upset, but not at anyone.
</code></pre>

<p>Since the kids informed us recently that they will be moving in together in the fall, we're sort of holding our breath, and wondering why they don't get married. But they are young (22) and don't feel ready. I think it is just a matter of time, and a little more money in the bank.
I don't worry about the kids staying together due to the moms' friendship. They just aren't that concerned about their moms feelings regarding their lives. If they really were concerned about pleasing us, they'd get married, dammit! ;)</p>

<p>Met parents of son's GF at parent's weekend. Lovely people but we live thousands of miles from each other. We have talked by phone several times since. Their daughter's cracking up my son's car really sparked our relationship ha-ha.</p>