Definitely worth it! If the kiddo wants to talk, let her go. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
I also have a non talker, sometimes two of them. They get busy with their lives and closer with their friends, especially girlfriends, and don’t talk to me.
We aren’t in the same place so most of our attempted conversations take place on the phone and the kids don’t like to talk on the phone. I am sympathetic since I don’t either. Our best conversations take place when we are out to eat or trapped together on a car or plane. I recently sat next to one kid on a four hour flight and we chatted the whole time, which was great.
I miss talking to them.
I also have one of each. S2, the non-talker, doesn’t seem to talk much to almost everyone. His emails/texts tend to use as few words as possible; S1’s emails are in paragraphs.
In the past year, S2 has gotten a little better at talking about what’s going on in his life. We do talk to him once a week, and he now always has at least one piece of news about himself that he shares unsolicited. Conversations are still briefer with him than with his brother, but he has gotten better.
We have a talker and a non-talker. If he’s living with you and you are feeding him, I think you can request that he sit for the entire meal without a phone. I don’t think you can make him talk. One thing that we do is to make a real effort to have something to talk about with Mr. Non-talker. We read books he recommends, we play games with him when he’s home, we look for news about his employer and ask him what he thinks.
^I do that with my non talker, too. I try to know something about what he likes, whether it is a favorite TV show or food or topic.
One daughter fits in this category. I’ve learned not to ask questions, but instead to make a statement about the topic I would have asked a question. That statement is usually a conclusion I’ve drawn. That gets the conversation started, especially if my conclusion is wrong.
I have two talkers and one who seems to conserve words. I feel sad that he doesn’t share more (any), but if it’s his nature to not be talkative, I’ve been trying to respect and accept that. He’s kind and polite and shows he cares in other ways. For our chatterbox family, it is quite mystifying.
I have a non talker. What is especially unnerving though is his GF talks a lot and sometimes I hear stuff about my son from people she’s talked to (nothing bad!). I do appreciate that we have a family “snapchat” group and everyone checks in about once a day or so with what they’re up to - especially appreciated since we took him to school 1000 miles away this weekend!
^^^This is a good point. Social media. Don’t roll your eyes!!! 
My three communicate quite a lot. But I would also have to say there are some days I don’t talk to them, but we have “communicated” because we (except H) have a family group text message, are on Instagram, Snapchat. We do have FB too but the kids don’t post much there. On Snapchat you can choose who you want to see what, so they can include me in on things that they choose. So in the course of the day I might not talk to them, but they chimed in on a text message or snapped a photo of themselves hiking at a park, or Instagrammed a photo of a terrific recipe they made or side trip they took. All these things keep us connected and don’t require the “quiet” ones to have to physically engage more than they want.
Are you talking about social media as a communication device for communicating with an adult child not living at home or one that is living in your house? Big difference to me. I would not be happy if a kiddo was living under my roof and would not “talk” to me other than through social media channels.
At least I’m in good company! D has always been quiet and the non-sharing got worse with adolescence. When she was living away from home at college she would tersely answer texts but almost never initiated them unless she needed something. Phone calls were excruciating. She’s living at home this semester recovering from a car accident and doing online classes. She’s actually been somewhat more talkative lately, although, as always, I can never predict what will get her talking or why. Her BF is also a non-talker, although they are much more chatty when I’m not in the room!
@doschicos, either in house or out of house. It would be better if the social media wasn’t INSTEAD of talking verbally of course. I see this as two problems/issues/needs.
- The young adult who doesn't want to talk for whatever reason.
- The parent who is craving more interaction. The social media perhaps helps #2 in that the parent doesn't feel so isolated from the young adults life.
I would also say there is a difference between the quiet young adult who is pleasant when they do talk (“good morning!” “thanks for picking up that cereal I like” “have a good night’s sleep”) and the young adult who is quiet and actually acts like they wish they didn’t have to talk, doesn’t acknowledge you, acts like they don’t want to be there.
Sort of a “there is quiet and there is rude quiet”.
My son is not a talker. But neither am I, so we get along well. We have good conversations several times a week, just not a constant verbal stream every time we are in the same room.
My daughter is a big big talker some days, non-talker other days.
There was a thread about sons not communicating with parents awhile back on CC. Not an uncommon situation.
Son does not divulge much, if anything, to us. Does not answer phone calls/emails. Keeps his life separate, private. Did so since a teen. He is friendly when we do occasionally get our calls answered, responds to emails with a short response sometimes and is nice when we make the trip(around 3000 miles, about as far from parents as he can be). He does read my email letters and they are saved since he is not a read/delete person like I am.
Do not worry. Being a separate person is important and not giving any information is common. Not everyone operates the same way. Had to get used to his need to know and my wanting to know are very far apart.
Very true @wis75 . They need to separate and perhaps living at home this past year he’s become more “rude quiet” as @abasket put it. I have a friend whose daughter just left for college, and they’ve been battling for years. She said that daughter needed to leave so they could miss each other. Maybe that’s what we need to. I have to admit, I didn’t share a lot with my parents, so maybe I need to backpedal and try to remember what that was like. And realize this is normal for him. It’s just he was such a loud, spirited child! He wore me out. Then it was like adolescence started and he changed. I guess I just miss the way he used to be.
@psychmomma – totally off topic, but I LOVE your avatar
My kids have always been talkative in the car. If we can get them in a car with us now, they’ll still talk. Both have always felt more comfortable talking to me than DH, and when DH is on the call or at the table, the guys are a bit more circumspect in what they share. OTOH, S1 (who lives on the opposite coast) and I took our dog on a walk last Thanksgiving and wound up spending 2.5 hours walking and talking all over Bayonne, NJ. It was the best conversation we’ve had in a long time and it helped me understand where his head is right now.
Edited to fix clumsy fingers.
Boy…doesn’t converse…doesn’t share…would rather be anywhere else…
Do they make another kind?
^^^LOL. However, yes they do. But I suppose that’s the minority.
I think living at home is hard for a young person after living away. My older son is the same age. He seemed more withdrawn when living at home than when living in an apartment with friends. Now I mghit not hear from him all week, but he does come home almost weekly. And he does send an email or text from time to time. (Last one was to show me a proposed tatttoo design -ugh!) I sometimes worry he is a good-news-only sharer. I sometimes think he’s hiding something (with good reason based on a couple of past events) so I tend to come up with worst case scenarios, most of which turn out to be ridiculous.