My son is 24 and will be moving out to an apartment in a month with a friend. He just doesn’t seem to really want to engage in conversation and doesn’t seem to put forth much effort. It could be because he’s sick of us, but still. For instance. I’ll make dinner and he and I will eat…DH always is home late. I’ll ask him questions, he answers but doesn’t make an effort to really converse. Sometimes he checks his phone quickly while I’m saying something. He finishes dinner, gets up and thanks me, but leaves me alone as I’m half finished. There have been times when the whole family is together eating and he tries this where I’ve told him to sit and converse until we are all done.
He doesn’t share a lot of his life, but he never had. Once in awhile, about 3 times a year, he’s in a chatty mood and is really enjoyable. Everyone likes him. Parents of GF, parents of old GF’s still like him. It just seems were the only ones who see “the dark side”. Other son shares tons, so I guess I have one of each.
I suppose I’m just venting. There’s nothing to do really. It is what it is. It just makes me sad sometimes.
The two brothers have always gotten along well. It’s not that DS doesn’t talk, it’s just the feeling sometimes he’d rather be anywhere else but with us. I suppose I was the same at 24. He holds feelings and thoughts in. Or maybe just with us. He’s not always like this, but he is a lot. I know he likes, loves and respects us by things he does, but still.
My brothers are similar to your description much of the time and it makes me sad. It gives their son’s poor role models as well, which makes me even sadder.
Our S will at least sit at the table until everyone is done. He isn’t much of a talker and prefers to shift the focus to D by peppering her with questions, which D resents since she wants to share when she wants rather than having brother thrust her into focus because he doesn’t want to talk about himself and his life.
I’m glad H and I can communicate well with one another. I wish our S was better at chatting with us, but he does WHEN he feels like it.
YES
(That’s how son would respond. Just 1 word).
In fairness to him, if I NEED something, he will generally reply. For example, my phone needed to be sent back to the manufacturer, and I needed to make sure I had things backed up appropriately. He quickly answered my text and told me what to do, and what to be careful not to do kinds of stuff.
BUT, if I text him a “what are you doing this weekend?” for example, the question will go unanswered forever, unless I am deemed to have need to know.
Occasionally, he will text me cute pics or random info., but my other son is much more communicative.
@MaineLonghorn …YES!! Same here. We’ve noticed he becomes much more animated and talkative when being taken out or something being purchased for him. I wonder if it’s the immediate gratification thing…the hit of adrenaline or something.
@deb922, I’m with you on that.
We joke that my step daughter will have a high drama high expense fairy tale wedding, my younger son will be fine with something “fiscally conservative” and won’t want people to waste a lot of money, and my older son will MAYBE inform us once he’s married, when he gets around to it.
Yeah, same with my daughter. She bends over backwards for me NOT to buy her stuff. I keep reminding her to let me know how much she’s spending on supplies at school so I can reimburse her, but she won’t tell me!
My kids aren’t “communicators.”
I wasn’t one either.
I will say, it takes a bit of skill to engage them in a conversation in which they start “sharing”. Usually, it’s through a casual, round-about way, so that they don’t feel like they’re being grilled. It does take a bit of time… a bit of a relaxed atmosphere… and a bit of red wine
Funny, we all seem to have some similar kids. I used to bribe my son on the way home from school, just talk for five minutes, say anything, and we’ll stop at Dairy Queen. We used to call it 90/10, 90% of the time he’d be silent or give one word answers, but we lived for the other 10%. Animated, conversational, so funny and brilliant…who is this person? It helped to get him on topics he was truly interested in. And then it would be over. I think the percentages have gotten better as he’s gotten older. I listen to what he says, and I marvel at how interesting it is, and wish my brain was still intact to understand it.
So there is hope, it can get better. And while I’m waiting, I’m going to learn about bitcoins! Wine definitely helps…the discussion, that is. Not my brain.
Yes, I loved driving the kids home. We’d have some of the best conversations when it was just S and me in the car and he was tired and unguarded and would just say whatever popped into his mind or things he had been pondering. He’s a very interesting person, but very reserved and not given to sharing his thoughts as often as I’d like. D and his cousins can get him to share a bit more.
D is into late night sharing. I think that’s when she ponders things and gives voice to concerns she’s been mulling. She will come into our room when we’re winding down and tired and starts some deep conversations. Of course, we are happy to talk when she wants to so we end up sleeping much later than intended. Oh well, it’s worth it to us.
