<p>I love to brag about my kids. I do not care what people think, I might be a lier in their mind. It does not make any diff. I do what makes me happy and i have people who love me, I do not need to be with the ones who do not. it is very strange topic, as we all have very real problems to take care of, the ones that we have control. Nobody can stop me being proud of my kids and grandkids. that is what we live for and some of us feel like exaggerating a bit, so what?</p>
<p>H and I will be at a neighborhood Christmas party tonight. Full of parents with kids in various stages of education. Each semi drunk parental unit trying to out-do the other with stories of unparalleled student glory . I always remind my husband: “Keep quiet, the first liar doesn’t stand a chance”</p>
<p>^^root canal would be a better option for me…</p>
<p>Not for me, Rodney.My USC educated dentist, goes on and on and on about his USC educated D while he is drilling. This is a special form of torture he inflicts on UCLA alums like myself.</p>
<p>MiamiDAP: It’s not lying if it’s true. I love to hear people discuss their kids in a positive way. I like to see the look of pride in their eyes when they relate how their kid won an award or succeeded in some way. </p>
<p>I don’t like it when I know I’m being lied to. My friend said her kid was number 11 in his class, and he only missed being top 10 because his English teacher didn’t like him. Not true, he was ranked in the 30’s. I take a smile and nod approach to her. But I try to excuse myself or change the subject when she starts talking about the kids.</p>
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<p>I think most of us feel this way – unless we happen to have kids of the same age, in which case these discussions may be painful reminders of our children’s failures or our own.</p>
<p>Right now, for example, students who applied to college Early Decision are finding out whether or not they were accepted. The parent who brags that his son or daughter was accepted to college ED may be hurting the feelings of parents whose children were deferred or rejected. And perhaps even more important, that parent may be hurting the feelings of parents whose children were not permitted to apply ED because of the family’s financial circumstances.</p>
<p>So perhaps parents of students who received Early Decision acceptances should stifle the bragging when in the company of others who have children of around the same age. But if you want to brag to me (my kids are beyond that stage), that’s fine.</p>
<p>My own two kids recently finished bachelor’s and master’s degrees, respectively, and both found full-time jobs in their fields. I was happy to mention this (and probably a little braggy) at my office, where none of my colleagues have children who are at that particular stage in life. But when I run across parents of my children’s former classmates at the supermarket or elsewhere in our community, I don’t bring up my kids’ activities unless they introduce the topic. Too many young people today are unemployed or underemployed; if their kids are among the unlucky ones, I don’t want to rub it in.</p>
<p>Is she volunteering this information or being asked or pressured by you or someone else in the family to discuss his progress in math? Not that it ever justifies fabrication, but does she have any reason to be envious or resentful of what is said about your children or others in the family? Is it possible he was struggling but has since become much more proficient with the help of the tutor?</p>
<p>It can be annoying. Especially in the work place where you can’t really avoid the person when you’ve had your fill of the endless parental boasting. I have endured that and it gets old. There are a lot of parents who manage to bring every conversation to the topic of their kids. I don’t really find it endearing or sweet. I find it obtuse and boring.</p>
<p>These folks are a good cautionary lesson for all of us. Don’t be that way! It’s really lame.</p>
<p>I just try to limit exposure to these types. The older I get the less I can tolerate them. If I meet a parent like myself who if they mention their kids at all it’s to sort of mock them (lovingly, humorously) then I instantly bond with that parent. I recognize then for someone who “get’s it.”</p>
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<p>Yes, with a minor modification. In my situation, it’s like the parent is bragging about receving an ED from the child’s favorite college, when in fact the child never received an ED. That is frustrating when you “know” that they didn’t get accepted but they won’t admit it and pretend they are going to the prestigous school. Then all of a sudden, they change their mind where they are going to go over the summer.</p>
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<p>Yes, exactly. I have heard the “teacher doesn’t like him” or “worst teacher in the district” a number of times so far!</p>
<p>That is strange. Have not encountered lying parents before, at least that I’m aware of.</p>
<p>One mom here in NJ in my circle of friends who are mom’s of friends of my DD is pretty obsessive. She will talk over whoever is talking to give detailed accounts of her kids exploits. We’ve heard much of it already. Otherwise she is quite fun. But this trait is terrible. I sometimes think about just telling her to get a grip.</p>
<p>I just spent the afternoon with a mother going on and on about how her daughter didn’t have to worry about the upcoming ACTs because she got a “36-math, 36-reading and 35-science” on her PLAN test last year.
Of course we received PLAN results last week and I remembered that they were out of a possible top score of 32.
I didn’t go there, but it makes me discount anything she has to say about anything else. I mean, what’s the point? I didn’t ask nor do I care the specifics of her daughter’s test scores, but what kind of pressure does it put when the real ACT scores come out - more lying? I just don’t get it.</p>
<p>I’ve not met lying parents yet. Or if they lie, I wouldn’t know. I mostly just talk to my closer friends about our kids- you know, people you are so close to you can mutually brag but can also share your worries about your kids with, ones that actually know your kids strengths and weaknesses? Everyone else, like the folks you run into at the grocery store or a party, we only talk about our kids in general positive terms. But I’m in Canada so there is not fierce competition around college, and Canadians tend to be more socially humble. </p>
<p>I think if I met someone who was truly lying about their kids, or lying about anything for the sake of impressing me, my emotion wouldn’t be frustration but sort of pity or sadness (that for some reason they feel so insecure that they have to fabricate stories). Such folks I would just humor and play along, or try to bolster their ego because they seem to need it.</p>
<p>I do know parents who lie about their kids’ accomplishments - even on CC. (I can’t decide if that’s more or less pointless than lying in real life.) If it’s not real, it’s meaningless. If the child didn’t get a 2400 on the SATs, wasn’t accepted to multiple Ivies, didn’t receive a prestigious national award, doesn’t have a 4.0 GPA, etc., the parent lying about it won’t make it so. Why even bother? </p>
<p>How do kids feel when parents lie about their accomplishments? Are they annoyed, embarrassed, angry at the parent’s hypocrisy, or ashamed of themselves because the parent isn’t satisfied with the kid’s actual accomplishments and has to exaggerate them instead? </p>
<p>I don’t think it’s any of my business how many acceptances or rejections a kid’s gotten, or what the SAT score was. I don’t expect to be informed about disappointing results, and completely understand if parents prefer not to discuss them. But it’s just obnoxious to make stuff up.</p>
<p>Even if they are not lying, it’s annoying as hell. We had a friend who bragged on his daughter every single time we got together. His wife never did that, yet if we were in his vicinity, we were hearing about every spectacular thing she’d done that week. He never lied, as his daughter was a great kid, incredible athlete, and quite smart. But it got so bad that I just couldn’t bear to be around him anymore. I wasn’t envious of their daughter and her success, but he NEVER asked how our kids were doing or complimented them when they did good things. I occasionally run into his daughter now, and I’m always glad to see her and hear how she’s doing. But I don’t miss her Dad even one iota.</p>
<p>This is not uncommon, though not all parents do this. We all I hope are proud of our kids and their accomplishments and we want to share them, that is natural, whether it is Johnny getting picked for a top level travel soccer team or Mary getting into a good school, it is pride in them and such, and as part of casual talk is fine. That is sharing, which is fine, people do that all the time.</p>
<p>What the poster is talking about is bragging, and inherent in that is “see how much better my child is then all you riff raff? See what great parents we are?”, it is can you top this, and it is annoying and also quite frankly often is BS. It is like talking to your in law and telling you every little thing they see is great about Johnny or Susy, how Johnny got an A on his spelling bee or Susy got an A on her report on the history of peanut butter…it is how it is presented.It is one thing to share accomplishments, it is another to go on and on about it, trying to show ‘superiority’. </p>
<p>Why do people do this?My take it is people without a lot of self esteem, so they are using this to bolster that. By showing how ‘great’ their kid is, it reflects back on them as being ‘great parents’, and it is no different then bragging about how expensive a car they drive, how well paid the husband and/or wife is, and so forth. Yes, it is about seeing life as a competition, that what matters is ‘coming out on top’. I came from a family that unfortunately would do the opposite (i.e highlight the negatives rather then the positives when it came to us kids), but they also hated the bragging. </p>
<p>I remember years ago some blatter head mom was crowing about how her son was going to a state school where we lived (not a top one) on a partial academic scholarship as if he were going to USC or something on a football scholarship, and then turned around to my mom and said cattily "and where is your son going? Is he going up the road (to a local community college) and my mom replied matter of factly “well, he had a tough time deciding between that and some other programs he wasn’t sure was as good…you know, MIT, Columbia, Rensallaer, Cornell and Caltech”…you never saw someone turn red and fold up faster then that woman, especially when other people in the area started snickering. It is the kind of obnoxiousness shown by that woman that the OP is talking about I think. </p>
<p>In music this goes on quite frequently, parents who promote their kids, they put tons of you tube videos out there and otherwise act like their kid is some sort of musical genius, when many of them are frankly pathetic. Stage parenting takes a whole new turn in music circles, you see some groups of parents who are playing the dog dominance game (you known, where male dogs fight to be alpha by putting their head on top of another dog), playing can you top this with what a virtuoso their kid is, all these competitions they have won, etc…what is funny is most of the kids with parents like this are embarrassed to no end, it makes them absolutely miserable. Nothing wrong with being proud of a kid and talking about their accomplishments, it is when it is done to boost the parents ego or put them ‘above’ others that is the problem, it is one thing to share the accomplishments of our kids, it is another to use it as a weapon.</p>
<p>I really don’t run into this very much- people exaggerating either their own or their childs accomplishments.</p>
<p>I think those that do are pretty sad- they have convinced themselves that their own accomplishments or those of their children are not good enough to be noticed, so they must make them seem bigger to get approval from others- which of course will never be enough because they don’t have their own approval.</p>
<p>It is bad enough when people exaggerate their own status, but when they do that to their kids- it is telling their kids * I wish you were this other person- instead of who you are*.</p>
<p>I have omitted details about what each of my children was doing- which might have been positive or negative, but I hope I don’t exaggerate either way.</p>
<p>rodney, you did not have many root canals, apparently. You have no idea what are you talking about.</p>
<p>I also don’t think anyone has ever lied to me about their kids accomplishments (at least so far as I can tell), but I find it totally obnoxious when parents brag about their kids. I was raised to believe that bragging about oneself is wrong, and truly, bragging about one’s kids is just an indirect way of tooting one’s own horn. Just yesterday I was at dinner with several moms, one of whom related that she had run into a mutual acquaintance and asked if her very accomplished son had applied ED anywhere. She was subjected to a long recital of why Harvard would surely accept him, how his grades, scores and EC’s were incredible, and how his guidance counselor had said that if anyone from his high school got into Harvard, it would be her son. I can’t tell you the eye rolling and snickering that transpired as she related the story. We all thought that sort of parental bragging was horrible and agreed that the appropriate response would have been to say, “He’s applied to Harvard. We’re keeping our fingers crossed,” and then to let the inquiring person ask for details, if they want any. Please don’t brag about your kids–it makes you look insecure and pathetic. If we really want to know a particular piece of information about your special snowflake, we’ll ask!</p>
<p>One of my favorite things I’ve seen was a small throw pillow that was embroidered with:</p>
<p>“Please don’t talk about yourself–we’ll do that after you’ve gone.” :)</p>
<p>I guess you could add don’t talk about your kids either, but it seems that’s what all of us parents like to do. Some more truthfully than others.</p>
<p>OK, lets talk about very depp phylosophical subject of shopping, TV viewing…etc. I suppose it is much more intelligent and interesting. I am half asleep already, never could follow these conversations.</p>