<p>I have a relative who habitually lies about her kids abilities. Her son is always “great” at everything he does - top of the class. Then a while later we’ll find out that the son is far from great, and is actually not performing well for his age and grade.</p>
<p>A good example is math. She’ll tell us that Johnny learned all of his times tables and is faster at addition and subtraction than anyone else in the class. Mom wants us to be really impressed with his abilities. Then later, we’ll find out (through a different source) that he is actually falling behind and doesn’t know his times tables and is having to meet with a tutor to get caught up. He is (in reality) terrible at math.</p>
<p>Do you know people like this?</p>
<p>Why do they lie rather than just tell the truth? Don’t they understand that it is frustrating when you never know what you can or can’t believe? </p>
<p>Since she is a habitual liar, and probably mentally ill–just let whatever she tells you roll right off your shoulders. Only you can control your own frustration. Ultimately, who cares?</p>
<p>I have noticed that some parents think their children are wonderful in all respects – even the ones where they aren’t. One person like this whom I work with thinks that this is an essential part of parenting, and has even insinuated that I must not be a good parent because I can easily identify my kids’ weaknesses (just as my kids can easily identify mine).</p>
<p>Some of these people may truly believe what they’re saying. My colleague truly believes that one of her children is unusually attractive for example. I have met the child. Although he is nice-looking, he is not exceptional and would not stand out in a crowd, or even a classroom, as being exceptionally handsome. Yet his parent thinks he is.</p>
<p>The same parent may also have distorted views of her children’s abilities – including their ability in math.</p>
<p>Personally, I don’t think that seeing your children through rose-colored glasses is a good idea. It may make it more difficult for a parent to help a child through difficulties. (How bad did the math situation have to get before the person the OP is talking about acknowledged the need for tutoring and arranged for a tutor?) But there are those who disagree.</p>
<p>^you forgot that we all still need to eat, drink, use bathroom and engage in many other activities that have nothing to do with other people doing the same in a different manner, that we cannot control…or they might lie about it and survivie on air as you suggested, still nothing we caqn do about it.</p>
<p>Too much time on my hands I guess…do you mean me? People don’t do those things CONSTANTLY. I only meant to suggest that thinking of things in extremes ( eg. constantly) often makes life more frustrating.</p>
<p>But I looked up definitions.</p>
<p>“Continuous implies lack of interruption: The horizon is a continuous line.
Constant stresses steadiness or persistence and unvarying nature: The constant ticking of the clock lulled him to sleep.”</p>
<p>I guess I was thinking continuous. As in “I am continuously procrastinating this morning”.</p>
<p>I think the word “habitually,” which the OP used in the text of the first post, is a better description of the frequency of this behavior than the word “constantly,” which the OP used in the title.</p>
<p>Perhaps we can talk about people who “habitually” make over-optimistic statements about their children. I think this is a behavior pattern that many of us have observed.</p>
<p>I know more people who are like the OP describes than I can keep track of…</p>
<p>I can count on one hand the people I know who are honest about their kids, their limitations and their true strengths outside of academics…and sports…</p>
<p>“Perhaps we can talk about people who “habitually” make over-optimistic statements about their children. I think this is a behavior pattern that many of us have observed.”</p>
<p>Second-guessing people’s word choices is fun. (I’m an editor; I do it for a living.)</p>
<p>But perhaps in this instance it’s distracting us from the content of the thread.</p>
<p>There are real issues to be discussed here: the reasons for the type of behavior the OP observed and how others should deal with this behavior pattern.</p>
<p>Could we possibly get back to those issues?</p>
<p>[Cross-posted with Shrinkrap, who is nobly attempting to keep a struggling entity in business by making use of the post office instead of UPS, e-mail, or some other form of communication or shipment.]</p>
<p>But before I go, why is it better to focus on other people’s behavior, behavior we can’t change, rather than our own feelings of frustration, which we can? Word choice is not just fun. It effects how we feel and act… But then that’s what I do…</p>
<p>I had a friend with 3 boys who would go on at great length with stories about one or another of them. The oldest was some kind of “genius”, but he had a weird learning disability and the schools were never accommodating enough, blah, blah, blah. It was hard to discern fact from exaggeration. </p>
<p>Eventually we kind of stopped seeing them when it seemed that the sons were allowed to run wild and might not be a good influence on my own 2 kids.</p>
<p>I think there was another thread on the parent cafe named, nod and smile ( not sure the exact one)…that’s how I deal…</p>
<p>Why this behavior occurs? Because there are some people in the world that:
believe everything (and I truly mean everything) in life is a competition</p>
<p>2) who completely believe that whatever their children do, achieve etc is 100% the result of their amazing upbringing/background/money/fill in the blank…as a parent</p>
<p>LOL…spoken like a true psychiatrist Exactly what my wonderful counselor always said… It’s not important why the other person is behaving the way they do, what matters is why we choose to emotionally respond the way we do.</p>
<p>I think that we all “know” people like than. “Know” means you really don’t “know” these people (or their children) at all. I have a friend who got her kid into a school by: doing the application herself, having a professional (friend) do the kid’s portfolio with some of the kid’s work and some of the artist’s work. Kid got in…and isn’t doing well (according to the kid) and is doing FANTASTIC (according to mom).</p>
<p>I never ask about the kid’s progress. I never volunteer about my kids’ achievements or challenges. There is no upside here. Don’t care. Don’t engage.</p>
<p>It isn’t a friendship. It is a competition. On her side.</p>
<p>I, too, have a friend like sylvan’s. Her kids are the best at everything. Except when they’re not. Then it’s someone else’s fault; the teacher, the school, the coach, the ref. It’s so important for her to think her children are the best, I don’t understand it. Nobody is perfect at everything they do. I think it’s better to appreciate people’s talents, but accept their weak points, too. I know that the older son gets embarrassed when Mom is bragging about him in an area where he is only average.</p>
Exactly what my wonderful counselor always said… It’s not important why the other person is behaving the way they do, what matters is why we choose to emotionally respond the way we do.</p>