<p>The real question, laxripper, is why do you care? As EllieMom said, these kids are going to be on their own in a matter of months or years anyway. At age 16 or 17 they should be making a lot of decisions independently. Of course all parents hope they will make good ones more than bad ones, but sometimes they have to learn hard lessons by doing stupid things. Accepting that does not make parents oblivious. Someday you might be a parent yourself and you will understand.</p>
<p>In any case, there are plenty of kids behaving badly with their peers in high school. This kind of thing doesn’t happen ONLY when there are older people around. Surely you know this.</p>
<p>That is a very good question, sally. Why do YOU care, OP? So a girl gets drunk on the weekend and is able to get back to her responsibilities and attend school? Ok? And? A girl’s sexuality should not be be your business if all you’re going to do is condemn her. If you were genuinely concerned for her health and well-being that’s one thing, but…</p>
<p>One thing in life that you’ll learn real quick is that people do drugs. A lot of them are the ones you least expect. But I feel you know this since you’re able to provide accounts. </p>
<p>I don’t understand why some people here, who I assume are parents, are attacking this kid for having a moral compass and actually caring. He stated he has seen postings from friends on social media - of them behaving badly and wonders why their parents have allowed them to attend college parties or turn a blind eye to it. Perhaps some of these young ladies aren’t going off to college in a year, perhaps they are younger. After all the recent publicity about rape culture (this weeks Time) why would you think the behavior he describes is ok? Why would you say a kid has to do stupid stuff and learn from their mistakes if those “mistakes” are doing illicit, dangerous drugs, drinking excessively, hooking up with random strangers, or putting themselves in positions where they are vulnerable to rape and other crimes? I’m a Mom - it amazes me, the behavior some people allow their daughters to get away with - because they seem to want their girls to be popular or they are living through their kids. Believe me, I’ve seen it and it’s so unfortunate.</p>
<p>Finally a mom with some sense appreciates my insight. Why do I care? Because young naive HIGH SCHOOL aged girls are putting themselves in extremely dangerous positions around MEN with motives and their parents don’t seem to mind.</p>
<p>Aren’t you worried about young, naive girls who are two months out of high school putting themselves in that same position? A high school diploma does not bestow instant maturity. If the environment is toxic for 16 or 17 year olds, it’s probably toxic for 18 and 19 year olds, too. </p>
<p>At some point, kids need to be able to make their own decisions and act responsibly when they are not in the vicinity of their parents. I believe that my sister and I were able to transition into high school and college smoothly was because our parents taught us to be responsible and to hold ourselves accountable for our actions. For example, regarding alcohol in high school and college, the deal was that as long as we were responsible, made the right decisions, let it be known where we were, and didn’t come home drunk it wouldn’t be an issue.</p>
<p>As for monitoring social media, this can sometimes be done by employing someone like an older family friend who the kid is friends with and trusts.</p>
<p>No, laxripper. None of us want this to be our daughter. Seriously. At any age. And I can assure you that all of us here are doing everything we (reasonably) can to prevent it from happening. </p>
<p>If you are sincerely interested in discouraging this behavior, why not direct your outrage to the people taking advantage of naive young girls (i.e., the frat boys plying them with alcohol and drugs and raping them when they are under the influence)?</p>
<p>High school girls don’t have to go away for the weekend to college parties to engage in the activities you mention… HS kids drink, use drugs and have sex without leaving home. Lots of parents don’t want to know what is going on. Others know but turn a blind eye. Others are really naïve. Still others actually openly allow it. Oh and many parents do not use social media.</p>
<p>planner, I was just about to bring that point up! The drinking still happens…the drug consumption still happens…the sex still happens…the bad decisions still happen…whether or not they are on a college campus. </p>
<p>I let my younger daughter visit her sister at college once or twice each year . Sometimes she brought a friend. ( they are 8 years apart)
Sometimes I drove them, other times they took the train.
It was a good experience for her. She got to see her sister, and got to know her friends.
It did have the side effect of not wanting to apply to that college though. </p>
<p>Given this is CC and so much effort gies into launching a daughter (or son) into college, it always stuns me when I encounter a freshman who sqanders her education that first year with behavior that leads to leaving college in a crash and burn. Pregnancy, HIV, bulimia, relationship trauma, sexual assault, bullying, addiction or substance abuse, depression, etc. It’s a lot of flushed resources and very sad. The OP’s concern and alert brought this to mind. How do those male upperclassmen become such predators, anyway? </p>
<p>OK. I’ve given a version of this story several times on CC, but it bears repeating.</p>
<p>I am a junior (for 2 more weeks) at a boarding school in New England. I live in Western Europe where the drinking age for beer and wine is 16. My country is pretty progressive. I smh at these posts because it was not that different 25-30 years ago when our parents were that age or 50-60 years ago when our grandparents were that age. You may think your parents are as old as dirt, but that is not the case.</p>
<p>My grandparents may look so cute in their matching cardigans or terry tracksuits as they go to the local Denny’s for the early bird special, but they were at Woodstock in 1968 and marched (despite being uber-straight) in the NYC gay pride parade of 1969 to protest police brutality at Stonewall. They had no problem when their first grandson (me) announced he was gayer than Christmas at age 14.</p>
<p>While I prefer to think that my parents had sex the grand total of two times (to conceive my brother and I), I know that they were not virgins when they married and I know that they they did not lose their virginity to one another. I also know that they had a few brews in their HS years and that at least my dad knew a bit about 420.</p>
<p>I know my parents are not my friends on FB, nor do they follow me on twitter. I do not post provocative material on social media, but my parents are still on MySpace. LOL.</p>
<p>I often go to the local college on the weekends because I have a coach who is also a coach for the local college, and as a result, I know the local players. Do I say something if there is inappropriate behavior? Yes I do. Do I condone getting a girl (or guy) plied with alcohol in order to have our way? No, I do not!!! Parents do the best that they can. At a point, the child needs to make the decision. Hopefully, it is the correct one.</p>
<p>I am a mother of daughters who did not allow the one who wanted to visit friends at college to go until she was 18. I just didn’t see any upside to allowing it before then. </p>
<p>Parenting other people’s children is not my concern. I can only parent my children. So…did I allow my HS D to go to colleges unsupervised for the weekend?- no. Did she sneak off to a college party without my permission? - yes. Did she get seriously grounded and never do it again? - yes. (or else she got very sneaky, in which case I could do nothing about it). Long story short - D is 22 yr old now, a college graduate, employed and very happy. My work here is done!!</p>
<p>I really don’t concern myself with the behaviour of other people’s children (except perhaps when it involves me directly, like them driving after drinking, etc)</p>
<p>I am now in my mid-twenties, and recently roomed with a girl who remembers being taken advantage of as a high school senior at a college party. She says her mother encouraged her to attend (“oh how sweet of the neighbor boys to host you”)… </p>
<p>I don’t understand attacking the OP for his opinion. What makes college different from high school is that there is no parental supervision. We’ve all heard of parties where there are no parents around- think of the movie “Risky Business”. Age 18 isn’t a magic number where kids suddenly become mature, but it is a transition legally. This, and other reasons, is why some parents won’t let their high school kids have parties at home when they aren’t home, or let them go to unsupervised parties, but that’s what going to college for a weekend is. </p>
<p>Maybe our grandparents and parents also had youthful indiscretions, but they weren’t recorded on social media. It might be cool to post party pictures now, but those pictures might not be so cool when applying for a job or when your own grandkids find them. Also, in earlier eras, people got engaged in high school or college, and had jobs right afterwards. Youth was not extended as long as it is today. Perhaps the extent of time available for partying was shorter. </p>
<p>I know we all have different parenting styles, and know our children’s capacity for mature behavior, but maybe the OP has a point we should consider. Maybe it is different now, and with social media recording all of it, high school kids are risk at campus parties with no adults in the vicinity. I find it refreshing to see a young person concerned about it. Whether one agrees or disagrees with the OP, it is something to think about. </p>
<p>Just want to commend and thank laxrippper for posting something with the intention to help. The concern expressed is very much appreciated.</p>
<p>I think the main prevention here would be a trusting relationship with our kids so that sneaking is less likely. There are ways to visit college that would be perfectly fine, depending on whom the kid is visiting and what the environment is like. Communication between parent and child needs to be good enough to assess risks together beforehand and discuss anything upsetting that might have been observed- or experienced- while on campus, afterwards.</p>
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